woken haste-fully six fifty three
daily serene mid-evening nap
desperate for his loyal presence
yearning to make amends with past

i can feel his company close
desert burning temperature
his hands all over my body
lost innocent catholic girl image

his beautiful name is strictly scripted
only language i have learned to speak
rolling seductively off my tongue
pure temptation to announce hell

room easing with darkness
calming shadows keep me safe
his apparition always present
yet it was only just a dream

his name is on my mind
hauntingly beautiful
i think about him everywhere
turn my dreams to nightmares

what if i don’t find love
and the options given
were all i had offered
and i let them all go

what if i missed the one
blinded to see he was there
all along - waiting for me
and i let him go

what if the one
doesn’t exist
just a mere fantasy
that’ll never be reality

case be so
i will not find love
yet instead eternal peace
and i will not let that go

shocking discovery of character detected
noticeable difference of interests from rest
simple lack of human within truly affected
views of life with neglect gently unstressed

explanations suddenly founded in time
answers to failure in success present
minor details with bare minimal is prime
inability of awareness unintentionally meant

attention beheld shortly with socializing
entertainment seeking happiness is essential
appearances conveying perfection appetizing
flavors of bland extreme with no potential

views sweet enticing icing designed on top
simply nothing more captivating is less to drop

beauty upon a delicate creature
innocent young brown eyed girl
perfection bestowed in every feature
every fishers’ catch, shining pearl

perfect from day one
yet she couldn’t see
skinny must be done
perfect then she’ll be

the world was her oyster
everything granted within smile

yet beauty was a destroyer
sudden death of a child

sold the devil her soul
fantasy turned to reality
one’s life desirable goal
perfect she’ll finally be

deceived by image in mirror
years of starvation to the bones
glass of ugliness suddenly clearer
lost completely from her homes

harmful inability to love
all of the world but herself

time revealed a life
truly better than this

repetitive periods of recovery
one’s wish irreversible
beauty uplifted the misery
weight eventually stable

one thousand four hundred sixty days
hidden silent all these years
one thousand four hundred sixty ways
held back brown eyed tears

her name was sydney rose
the girl who suffers with anorexia

was you. all of you.

i tried texting her,
but my messages didn’t deliver.

i waited a few days,
but she never came around.

i tried making eye contact,
but all i saw was her hair.

i tried talking to her in class,
but she frowned upon my face.

i tried holding the door,
but she opened the one next to it.

i tried talking to her friends,
but they all shook their heads.

i tried going to sleep without her,
but the bed was too lifeless.

i tried not thinking about her,
but her voice was in my mind.

i tried not talking about her,
but her name was on my lips.
pure honey dripped. temptation.

i tried moving on,
but she’s irreplaceable.

i asked my mom,
“why did she leave all of a sudden?”

she replied sadly,
“but did you ever call her back?”

that night.
she cried.
to you.
for hours.
on the phone.
did you ever
call her back?

i know you
i knew you

i want you
i wanted you

i love you
i loved you

i have you
i had you

i cry over you
i cried over you

i met someone new
i have someone new