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Sydney Rose Apr 14
i guess the average human takes the maximum of three to four hours to complete laundry.

perhaps my procrastination is a perfected performance i love to execute.
letting my hamper of clean clothes sit, freshly slept from the dryer,
as heat exhausts like a bakery opening its doors on a fresh spring morning
after a long winter dawn of hot showers making love of steam to the mirrors
that break their kiss with the winds of the bathroom door opening.

perhaps folding clothes the same day they’re washed
isn't in the vocabulary of my to-do list.
maybe it’s because the light peeking through the blinds
pulls me into daydreams, where my pillow reminds me
of a lost love who once suffocated the life out of me.

now i sit here, struggling with folding clothes
after a woman’s long, hard work of washing and drying,
only to be greeted by another week’s worth of wearing and wearing down.

my drawers bloat with clothes that have never seen a moment of my life.
saved for first dates, a girls' night out,
the day i finally wear my boxed makeup
for the perfect photoshoot
to post online and pretend i’m okay.

but i’m not.
just like my closet screams with hangers
trying to hold on as time flies by,
like the empty bottles of alcohol i’ve lined up like décor
instead of scheduling an appointment for an AA meeting.

my chore list builds like clutter
buying vegetables, stopping at the dollar store
for plastic silverware,
but i still haven’t found enough quarters
to avoid the minimum ten-dollar card charge.

so it all builds up
just like me lying in bed
with undiagnosed agoraphobia
that didn’t exist until one rejection
broke something soft inside me.

it still visits me every night in my sleep.
and every week, i lie to my therapist,
draining both of us
because i can’t think of another excuse
to avoid facing what might actually heal me.

because those sessions
feel like just another chore
like my laundry.

i guess the laundry sits with me better
than the people who left
when i needed them the most.
at least the clothes stay.
and one day, i’ll have to fold them and move on.

but today
i sit on the floor,
with laundry waiting to be folded,
reflecting on the rock bottom
i never quite climbed out of.
Sydney Rose Apr 14
and that is why she always sleeps.
i believe that she finds comfort in her dreams,
because that is the realm she is able to escape her reality.

she can live the life she wanted to,
without any regret of her mistakes,
and be united with her daydreams that haunt her in the daylight.

that is why she always sleeps,
because it is the only thing left she has to rely on.
it is the beauty of a second chance at life for her.

it is her opportunity to rewrite the story,
to live and breathe again without him.

she no longer needs to wait for him.
she was once a person without him,
and now she knows she has permission to be herself again,
even if he never comes back.

she cannot fully accept it,
but she can live, wait, and also start again,
even if he doesn’t return.
let her sleep.
Sydney Rose Jun 2022
i am trying to find
the advantage
in the disadvantage
Sydney Rose Jun 2022
how is it possible

to easily forget my name
Sydney Rose Jun 2022
if there is more to this life
without you in it

i wish to go blind
because i rather wait
for another lifetime

to see the world
with you by my side
Sydney Rose Jun 2022
i am starting to come to terms
that i cannot have everything in life

i just wish i knew earlier
that included you
Sydney Rose Jun 2022
i wish there was something more
i could do
to be more perfect like her

i wish there was something more
i could do
to have you love me like her

i wish there was something more
i could do
to have never seen you & her

i wish there was something more
i could do
to have never given you to her

i wish there was something more
i could do
to be her
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