I'm trying to find myself by looking through the past
rummaging through the trash
Looking over mistakes
I would rather have not made

I'm lost
I'm trying to find myself in the past
Find out
what got me here
Find out
Where I learned to fear

Where did I go?
Where did I go?
When did I decide to leave?
When did I decide to leave myself confused?

Who am I?
Where did I go?
How do I know
when I am where
I am
suppose to be

Who am I?
Where did I go?
Why am I here?
What made me think
It would be better to fear

Where can I go?
Where do lost people go?
Where do lost people find themselves?
How do i get myself back?
Where do I go?
Where did I come from?
Why am i lost?

So many questions
Where did they come from?

I have to go to my past
Go back through the trash
Go through the *******
Find the gold

One man's trash
is another man's treasure

I walk the world with thoughts of you
In every place I go
Your voice is on the winter wind
Your footprints in the snow
And every tool I try to use to scrape you from my mind
Cuts your name onto my tongue
And beats me till I'm blind
I layed my head upon your knees and breathed the air you breathed
I cut myself when you were cut to know just how you bleed
Now as I walk this empty earth with nothing but a face
To breathe me and to bleed me
Until I leave this place

I stand above my bed
And examine the damage.
Blankets this way and that
Pillows all over
Sheets tangled up around themselves.
Proof of something that
Only hours ago
Left this place empty.
I take in the rubble
And breathe deeply.
I lower myself down to those
Tangled sheets
And backwards bedspreads
And fill my lungs with you.
I pull them up around me
And close my eyes
And wish for this place to be
The same kind of battleground
Again tomorrow.

dust fingertips, fairy wings, the tears of heathens
made of these, sweet dreams are

lapping at sickly skin with remorse

an undercurrent of lighting hits the skin
hair on end and your face turns red
you want to try, but you're too shy
it's a necessity to be broken sometimes

but why do I want to cry? If my problems have  been resolved
is this just a clean slate for more problems
please don't let it be

I adore every inch of your skin but dare not to touch it
I am afraid

B cup
C cup
but D cup, the better.

A nip,
a tuck—
reverse the clock.

For beauty’s the past,
and beauty’s the young.

Thus,
reupholster the fruit of the womb
and iron the sags low.
Recapture the past glow,
for after all,
the future is wherever you don’t exist yet.

My hands are tough, but my heart is weak,
Its heavy and tormenting me.
I'm not sure what you mean to me
If you mean anything at all...
but can I ask you to just do this for me, 
And catch me when i fall?

I only love you enough to get me through
When the nights are too long
or cold
or there's nothing else to do

I love you when no one is looking
and even more so
when it's just me and you

I'll call you up late and whisper
all the little things that I know make you stay
And every time you try to escape
I'm able to pull you back in
with a little white lie
that fills me with dread
and makes me feel just that less complete

But I love you enough
to get me through
Though I'll never love you enough
to suit you

My hands whisper double dealings
As I prance through a sea of coated chairs,
my mind's a jumble with tumbling
lyrics of songs-scraps of music
sung to me in pitched whispers as
I pass through
parting the aisle like Moses.
and like Moses I call to the people
reading to them all commandments,
fully understanding that it is they who dictate to me.