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You fade...
Like a bruise.

Like the ones your mouth left on my neck and shoulders with its lustful pressure.
Your teeth, which brought moments of bright pain/pleasure,
Are now bared in an artificial, animal smile.

Your lips, which parted to ******* skin like it was salvation,
Barely part now to speak to me.
You whispered my name like a prayer.
You screamed it like a curse.
You sighed it in contentment,
And now you won't even speak it in passing.

Your hands, which half-playfully pulled my hair...
Now won't pause to brush it from my face.

All these parts of you,
None more telling than your eyes.
Those new windows, which once let me pry...
Now have blinds drawn tight behind them,
Leaving only a pretty, shiny reflection-
A passing, glancing imitation-
Of the passion they once held
When they beheld
Me.

No color left to them but the muddy colors of
Boredom,
And possibly mistrust.

You fade...
Like a bruise.
Like the one you left on my mind with your brilliant conversation
And beautiful, rusty prose.
Like the many you left on my tongue...
Which now can speak nothing but trite and meaningless words,
Which now can barely remember the shapes
Of all the shimmering, liquid phrases it spoke to you
That seemed so important at the time.

You fade...
Like a bruise.
Once lover and friend,
Now barely one
And never the other again.
 Dec 2012 sycokitten
oh me oh my
It's 70 degrees in the middle of December.

I lie alone.

I listen to my fan drone,

I think of us.


I used to believe

it was rather indubitably meant to be.

I used to believe you would always be there,

here.

I used to believe there would never be a time,

I would never see a time when you would be through.

When you would give up.


I let you in,

you let me keep you in my own private aluminum tin.

I kept you and I loved you.


I think now,

I think of your ocean eyes,

I hear the thunder crack in the crevice of my mind,

I feel the green demons flash from eye to eye in my own oceans,

I can do nothing but sigh.



Like the heat of December,

we were flaming.

We were 70 degrees,

We were 80 degrees.



I hate you like I hate the heat of December.

In this 70 degree weather, I think of you,

I think of her.


Because I loved you, I made you go.
 Dec 2012 sycokitten
oh me oh my
Her cigarette laced breath,

her promises that she'd quit,

broken,

I remember it clearly.

Hair bleached with the roots brown,

fried,

I remember it clearly.

Green of her eyes murked with swampy brown,

Surrounded by eyeshadow and poorly drawn eyeliner,

Surrounded by crows feet and clogged pores,

I remember them clearly.

Barbie nose,

Bridge lithe,

sharp,

I remember it clearly.

Everything about her was frail.

Wrists of a 9 year old,

bones of a 70 year old,

her body wasn't her age.

I remember.


I remember,

Her crooked back,

Stooped with age and baddened posture,

I remember it clearly.

Her rotten teeth,

Her eating disorder,

What did you eat today?

It was a habit to ask

She doesn't think I remember,

But,

I remember.

I remember my mother.

You left me.

but I remember.
 Dec 2012 sycokitten
oh me oh my
They ask me if I still love you.

I blush, grin and say;

of course.

Why?

Because your eyes are of the most utter ocean blue,

but other days they're the currents of the stormy grey sea.

I see a current of salty water, deep, once blue, but now a faded grey.

I see a bundle of darkened grey clouds in the distance,

and the thunder rumbles from your irises,

and I hear it pound in the back of my mind.

I wonder if you knew.

I see a spark of lightening flash, only once in a while,

while you look at her.

My throat corrodes with bile.


She says she sees green demons lurking in the depth of my own ocean currents,

and I shrug.

What am I supposed to say?

I know you think about her.

Night and day.


The hardest part,

is a generic, old saying.

If you love them,

you let them go.

If they love you enough to stay,

or to come back,

you never let go.





But you haven't come back.
EDIT: Wow. Never expected this to blow up as big as it did. I thank you all so much!
EDIT: 2/15/14
i would say i never loved you, but that is a lie.
they say that your *first* love makes *you realize*, your first *love* wasnt really your first.
i pray for the day this happens.
*getting over you was the best thing i ever did.
and i did it for myself.*
so, one last:
*******.
you.***
EDIT: 9/14/14
i still hate you.
and you don't deserve her.
EDIT:   12/01/14
im sorry. you still arent
the same person
and neither is she.
but we all grow up.

EDIT
10/14/20
I was going through my bookmarks
on my old computer and found my old writings.
I just wanted to update this one last time to say things are better,
things are good. Thanks again for all the likes and comments.
cantankerous
they called me
unwilling or unable
&
cooperation
is the key to joy
kept in bottles
&
silence is golden
written all over
paint-stripped walls

kiss me so i’ll sleep
the long sleep
 Nov 2012 sycokitten
Tallulah
My edges have no border
I seep & blotch the air
My thoughts a chaotic disorder
Laughing in silent despair

Who am I?

I’m the colorful mix
Of the pills I take at night
Grappling at the latest “fix”
But I never get the dosage right
So broken I shall stay
To listen but not to obey

I’m the perfect daughter
I know I ought to be
Smiling sequined next to my father
A beautiful sight to see
Painted fingertips, quiet lips
But I’m slipping from sexist grips

I’m the crash of atoms & molecules
The patterned DNA that labels our culture
Theorems, functions, evolutionary tools
Poe knew: Science is a “vulture
Whose wings are dull realities”
Fact blinds what my mind sees

Forgive me I’m singing
Of what I am & cannot be
& My ears are still ringing
With who society has asked me to be
Edgar Allan Poe quote from Sonnet-To Science
 Nov 2012 sycokitten
Deana Luna
And I just want to feel your breath
On my neck
And your *******
On my chest
And I just want to feel your lips
On my cheek
Telling me I’ll be okay
When I’m feeling awfully weak
And I just want to see your eyes
Meeting mine
Soft orbs of blue
Too mature for your time
And I just want to hear your voice
Whispering softly in my ear
Be here with me
Be near
I can’t handle this distance
Not only of miles, but of mind
I never could catch you
But god how long I tried.
 Jun 2012 sycokitten
Jellyfish
I miss the days we'd feed the ducks,
play hide and seek and watch TV.
I miss the days we'd laugh at cats,
their little nose and tiny feet.
Those days are gone, and now we're here.
Monsters and dark were the only fear.
Our little heads were full of glee,
we could play for hours, so much to see.

But now we sit, and hope, and cry.
I wish them back, oh how I try.
We hit an age, and all is lost,
the joy we knew, not worth the cost.
I'm in the days I worry, see.
I'm in the days I care.
Why create this world around us?
At least, for me, it seems not fair.

We could drown the world in drugs, perhaps.
Lost reality, open traps.
But why dent a soul, for each is loved.
I wish, this time, I could ask above -
But that's the answer, not above.
There's always one, a soul, a love.
We know they're there, but fear to try,
to tell that love, to combat shy.

Now think back to those younger days,
lemonade, parties, we did not pay.
But of course those days could not without
a gift, a payment, a thanks, the help.
So remember my love,
and remember it well.
For when hardship returns,
you'll want something to yell.
 Jun 2012 sycokitten
Jellyfish
As I sit here drunk,
in disorderly state.
I sit and I wonder,
why I love in such ways.
I sit and I think
of her wonderful smile,
her beautiful eyes,
her illustrious style.
I see her but thrice,
thrice in a week.
But love doesn't care,
love doesn't seek.
Doesn't seek for reason,
doesn't seek for care.
I wonder why I love her.
I wonder if it's fair?
You see she doesn't know,
and there's not a chance she will.
My orderly mind
wouldn't dare to fulfill.
So forever I'll wonder,
I'll think and I'll wish.
I'll pray for the luck,
I'll pray for a kiss.
So I'll see you tomorrow,
but I'll dream of you first.
I'll dream of desire
that our love will soon burst.
 Jun 2012 sycokitten
Jellyfish
You are an illness,
my infection, my lie.
I think I might love you
but hate, still I try.

You are my poison,
my escape, my release.
I ask you to take me
for at last I'm at peace.

You blinded my heart
with both hate and corruption!
Why say that you love me?
Why face such destruction.

But no I can't have you,
you're not mine to take.
Yet still as I see you;
it's but my heart that does ache.
My first poem I ever wrote, ever. This was actually a homework my English teacher set on a whim, she told us all to write a love poem and bring it the next lesson to read it out, just for the hell of it. Needless to say people arrived and read out their poems about how fantastically beautiful someone was or how deeply they were in love with them, so I wrote this, I focused on the darker side of love. People really liked it though, so I decided to keep writing and this is where my poetry story begins, I was either late 15 or early 16 at the time of writing.
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