so it happened
once again
makes my heart sore
the more i think about doing more
the more i am doing less
so it creeps  in, sadness

Everyday I might have tried
Maybe I almost always give up
wired to downplay my own wins
skeptical to actually rise
My soul knows how to scream
“they have to see me suffer”
refusing to learn
unlearning my gift
Tasting my own bitterness
I don’t like it here but it’s already home.

How can someone just accept the fact that this time, when you finally embrace love, it backfires? You lost the love the first time it appeared and did not fight for love when it reached out to you. Alas, when you thought you’re ready, love turn out to be a fool, disguised a lot.

Take that pill, it’s over. Love, as you know it, no longer values you.

silence echoed
thriving on survival
I'm afraid I just began
Who am I to leave this world
anyway, gasping for air
full of shame, just ungrateful
was it the lack of expression
brought too much guilt
i can feel it in my back
i haven't done my best
yet im already tired
unreal, unsure, uninspired
i couldn't own this space

All ears
done making up stories
just to forgive, unfreeze

not be left with I should have’s
hoping, waiting, it carves
“Glad I did” a gesture that loves

All scream
done holding the steam
just to hear myself, dream

stop myself from thinking
forced myself, I’m feeling
accepting, moments that sting

regret mostly visits the insincere
during the time i was
to the people who were
who knows until when it'd last

truth maybe is that,
that I don't have the guts
to stay present, hiding
from the pain of the past
to the comfort of tomorrow

such a gift
to grieve something
no one asked
nobody noticed
the hurt, it holds
keeping me together
waiting for a release
so when I finally do
I already knew
I have to remember
or totally forget
both the good and the bad
they always come together

I saw her, I was sure.
It wasn't a choice to be pure.

I never prayed for a special moment.
That kid, poor little kid running on contempt.

Never got the chance to dream about a wedding.
Formative years spent on everything worth avoiding.

It was enough to at least oh please be able to understand.
It was what I was able to pray so hard, to see beyond.

Then the pain found its solace, it is not going away.
There it is a gift — truth, that may seem to betray.

It gave us a chance to fix, to forgive, to belong.
There is so much more than being wrong.

I saw her again and now it is vague.
So jaded mere prayers even fade.

Lord, give her strong will.
She knows what to feel.

Maybe I lost it then.
Let me feel again.

Respect
Suddenly, people reveal themselves
the ones that empower
rather than dim your light

Clarity
Apparently, there they are
who choose to involve
making it hard not to realize

Kindness
Subtly, I always saw them
they go out of their way
and now you want to do the same

I am lost
in between
longing
and acceptance.

I knew
the hurt's the same
from staying
to leaving.

My heart,
it closed
and love
did not fight.

Did I wake,
or just forgot
how to dream?
I'm still here.

I wanted
to be proven wrong,
give me
a thing to hold on.

I refused
clarity
for too long,
I savored the confusion.

A space
to grow
or a void
to fill.

you won't know how much I thought of you
so much in care and convincing myself to hate
this way I'm able to say I love myself more
this way the disrespect will bend itself

I suffer with or without you by my side
stuck in between, finding solace
Losing track of time, I'm full of doubt
I still can't accept the lost either way

Before you got the chance
to give me hope,
I shut you up with facts
so quickly, you agreed.

You didn't need to explain,
did you?
For you,
there's nothing to explain.

I wish I stayed silent,
but I couldn't feed my brain
another words
without clear intention --
easily erodes with the other side of the story.

Will I ever stop
thinking about us,
and rid the little hope
I have for us?

I can't stop
breaking this heart,
again, and again.
and that isn't you anymore.

I didn't know peace can feel heavy
When I traded it with confusion
I chose to label it insecurity
When in reality it's called intuition

When he knows that I'm hurting
When he chose disconnection
He didn't know he traded clarity
In reality, that still works passively