silence echoed
thriving on survival
I'm afraid I just began
Who am I to leave this world
anyway, gasping for air
full of shame, just ungrateful
was it the lack of expression
brought too much guilt
i can feel it in my back
i haven't done my best
yet im already tired
unreal, unsure, uninspired
i couldn't own this space

Everyday I might have tried
Maybe I almost always give up
wired to downplay my own wins
skeptical to actually rise
My soul knows how to scream
“they have to see me suffer”
refusing to learn
unlearning my gift
Tasting my own bitterness
I don’t like it here but it’s already home.

so it happened
once again
makes my heart sore
the more i think about doing more
the more i am doing less
so it creeps  in, sadness

everyone answered almost immediately
"the guy should love you more"
yet, I found myself loving you more
silly question, why would it be
wrong or that way
I didn't want to know

I couldn’t figure out.
How am I your security,
When I don’t feel secure?