Everyday I might have tried
Maybe I almost always give up
wired to downplay my own wins
skeptical to actually rise
My soul knows how to scream
“they have to see me suffer”
refusing to learn
unlearning my gift
Tasting my own bitterness
I don’t like it here but it’s already home.

so it happened
once again
makes my heart sore
the more i think about doing more
the more i am doing less
so it creeps  in, sadness

everyone answered almost immediately
"the guy should love you more"
yet, I found myself loving you more
silly question, why would it be
wrong or that way
I didn't want to know

I couldn’t figure out.
How am I your security,
When I don’t feel secure?

i was never meant to be surrounded with many people all the time
i was doing my best, made it easier for them, harder for me
and so im seeing its worth but i can live without it
and so i rot inside hoping still hoping i wont affect them