I truly have
a love...hate...
relationship

between
believing...
what I know
and...
knowing
what I believe...

Symbiotic...
and toxic...
It's a detailed.
enigma...

My curse...
My passion...
an ever present pull...
with stubborn intent
often directly opposed
To the path
which I am on...

When I was much younger
I developed a systemic
and purposeful mission
to design the person
I was to become

I had carefully weighed...
tested and mapped out
my "edges"
finally setteling on
habits, personalities
and a type of lifestyle...
this allows me
a precarious balance...
between honor, appearances
and fair exchange ..
friendship, acceptance and fun...

Something rare
during my colorful  
and...
then recent
childhood...

Like I said...
young...
and well...

Once I found my path...
I stubbornly believed...
That no others...
existed...for me

Really young...
...hee hee hee

As we all know...
life happens ...

...and I rolled
and flowed...
and always seed to manage

But I didn't bloom...
I just became really good
at being me.

Just missing...
a really good second...
again
waiting...to become...

Polar opposites
racing toward each other
disparately aiming...
with their eyes closed

Magnetic fields
fortified and electric
****** to collide...
a melting merger

Beyond understanding
everything it is supposed to be
precariously balanced
over the last ravine of our lives

With you I know
its now or never
and there is no turning back
we are and always will be...
eachothers...

Thankfully

I was never..."popular"
as a kid...
or really as an adult either
for that matter...

I dance to my own music
not caring
who sees
or says....
anything

Kids and dogs
seem to like me ok
adults....well....
they don't know how to
take me....

Fine by me....
really,
I don't need the drama
nor want the waste of
my time

However....
recently....I seem to be....
"cutting edge"
"mainstream"
dare I say it....
"popular"
!!!!!!!!!

Apparently...
brutal honesty
and un-apologetic
bottom line acessments
are somehow
all the rage!
Go Figure!

So now I am forced to play "hostess"
and be wise
and hurl enchanted
mantras...
to any who happens along....

I am a caricature...
of what was once....
a cutting wit
and sharp tongue
....deflated...

I have become ...
"the entertainment...."
expected....
taunted...
labeled and excused
....sadly

I feel flat...
and lifeless....
a mere script....
a role....
that has been filled.