don't think about the way he held you when he saw you cry for the first time. don't think about his smile when you turned around and caught him looking at you. don't remember the sound of his voice whispering your name to see if you were still awake at 2:48 in the morning. don't recall how perfect and warm his hands felt on your body and how gentle he was with you.

don't.

remember him shooting down your ideas and making a mockery of your opinion. remember how he called you pathetic in front of his friends and laughed as you tried to shake it off. think about how he told you that he was glad that you two could joke about anything with each other, after he called you a *****. realize the distance he created in the final weeks in the countdown to snipping the thread that delicately bound your heart to his.

remember him telling you that he never loved you. remember him treating you like a child, remember him calling you beautiful only when you laid on your back on his rough flannel blanket, staring at the ceiling until he decided he was satisfied.

remember waiting for him to text you and call you and talk to you, remember him ignoring you and making you feel worthless.

don't remember how his eyes sparkled when the sunlight hit them in the right spot. don't remember him pulling you close for a kiss.

(i was only in love with the idea of you)

If you drift through the day waiting for night to take you away,
Everybody thinks you’re okay, but inside your going insane
If you live with your pain, but can’t take it
So you go day by day trying to fake it
In hope that one day it won’t be a lie and you’ll make it
You know what’s wrong, but can’t say it
If you feel like your life is missing color
Like every day you’re just living to get number
You scream in your heart but your lips can only stutter
Then you realize it doesn't matter
Because they only hear you as a mutter
If you can’t look at yourself in the face
Or even mouth the words you really want to say
If days flies by in a haze, and you feel like you’re in a daze
You’d be amazed when I say
That You’re Not Alone