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Zane Mar 2019
i dont help
i only have a want for myself.
i dont care
you cry in front of me and i feel nothing.

what is selflessness?
i wish i knew.
Zane Feb 2019
it hurts so much.
everything in my room reminds me of you.
i can't sleep in our bed,
your silhouette lays claim to half of it
i can't step in our shower,
impressions of wet makeout sessions adore the walls
i can't eat on our table,
because the time you swore you loved me, the morning you sat across from me plays like a broken cassette
i can't lay on the couch,
i see your eyes burning into me, laughing at my horse impression
i can't.
i just, can't.
i can't do anything, when all i do, all i own, is a memory of you.
who am i to be, now that we are just fragments?
Zane Jan 2019
every night
i feel like i'm suffocating
but every morning
i wake up
alive
Zane Dec 2018
Your soft hair gleams in the light,
a morning selfie that graces my feed.
The more I gaze into your deep eyes,
the longer I feel as if could fall into them, longingly wishing to tell you,
how much I adore you.
That I, am in awe of your unconcious beauty,
perplexed by your layered originality.
Like a poet with a new novel, I so desperately desire to read farther into you,
yet be gentle as if I am handling a hundred
year old book.

But I, I am no one.
Not a complete, not a singular.
I am merely stiched from pieces of others,
a poor art collage of a human.
Hopelessly, I cannot possibly aim to be even half of what you are,
or that,
which you surely will become.
Zane Dec 2018
With your gaze piercing through the darkness
I awake stunned and silent
As we lock eyes it all rushes towards me
All of your pain and misery washing over me as a cacophony into the realization that I am the cause
The tyrannical wailings, night after night
Your daily insomniac presentation

My heart has not been your shield
It became the tool with which to pierce your remaining humanity
Collapsing to my feet I scream,
"How could I not have known?"
The days you unneededly suffered
Barbarically tortured by my fervourous, so called act of healing

No words I speak, nor attempt at apology
Be enough to make okay
That which has been said
That which has been done.
Zane Dec 2018
I keep having a dream
Driving an old, beat up car down the highway
Fog is pervasive and thick
Ahead, the road ends
Only emptiness

I long to cry at the supposed ending
Distraught, i produce nothing

Eerily, it feels familiar.
As if the near future is indeed unreachable
As if I will it to not exist

How do i learn the foresight to see beyond?
How do I force it?
I know that i must cause my eyes to adjust
That there is no end
Zane Aug 2018
i woke up in a cold sweat
i've had that nightmare, again
i come to visit, to continue what previous was love, and yet
with a hand full of flowers, and a heart on the mend

i see through the window from afar
a man i see, who is not me

professed you had, that we were still one
gave what saved i had for myself,
to prepare you for the long journey

betrayal, i feel
sadness
anger
a swirling thunderstorm of hurt.

future sight as failed,
i have allow it to be corrupted.
sang with a heart instead of a brain.

i won't get fooled again.
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