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Zane Nov 2017
Knot in my stomach
Sweat on my palms
Throat closing up

It's been so long since I've heard your name, I've forgotten what this feels like.

Room growing blurrier
Legs becoming weaker
Chest compressing faster

I scan the room for a way out. If i move at all, she will notice it, her eyes will be on me. You'll see me.

You'll see me.
You'll see me.
You'll
See
Me.
Two weeks ago i had to be around a very toxic person. This is what i felt while I stood feet from her, at my friend's funeral.
Zane Jul 2017
To whom it may concern;
As I watch you from afar,
It seems your mental living conditions have become poor.

While the paint on your house seems new,
the garden, gently cared for
and your front porch, freshly swept
all of the rooms in your house are a mess.

The foyer,
which once invited large storms of crowds
and your master suite;
the most lavish room in the entire house
are covered in trash, half-empty bottles,
and what i can only surmise
as a deep depression in the walls and floor

But your attic, whereby
you store your most valuable treasures
thought,
wisdom
beauty
appears to have grown dark
and now neither dark basement nor top floor
can be told apart

so dear,
i write you this, to speak of my qualifications
my abilities, as a household repairman
though i may not hold any formal degree,
please,
see my references,
as quite soon, i would love to get to work
and teach you
to rebuild your home
Zane Jun 2017
twisting.
falling.
screaming.

I know I've been here before
The way the walls taste
The way the floor sounds

It's become such a normal thing
The act of it is like breathing.

Like breathing
Like drowning.
Like breathing.
Like dying.

Like

Anxiety.
Zane Jun 2017
are you sure you're being honest
are you sure when you say you love me
are you sure that i am what you want
are you sure i'm who i appear to be

because
i can be so dishonest
i can be so hard to love
i can be so hard to be around
i can be so easily deceiving

i can be
me

...
Zane Jun 2017
you don't cross my mind anymore
the notes of you love you wrote me
that once stayed fixed upon my desk,
but no more

you don't cross my mind anymore
i used to stay awake at night,
with just my skin and bones
worrying about the last words i said to you
but no more

you don't cross my mind anymore
so when it's weekend again,
and i find myself missing
how we read words of love to each other
i can firmly say
the hole you left has been rebuilt

with my own two hands.
Zane Jun 2017
mad mad mad is what you make me
knowing i'll never call you my own
i've been unwinding my heart with glee
yet you still won't pick up the phone

watch watch watch as i empty my chest
burning burning feels like i'll die
now pretend your giving me your best
next scene: hung up with a necktie

sing sing sing your beautiful song
lull me back into your arms
quick, what's that? what's taking so long?
bye bye bye, goodbye to your charm

it's killing me
can't you see
****** emo sonnet. this is about doing anything for someone, and them abusing it. don't settle for less than someone's best.
  May 2017 Zane
Lydia
Hey, you.
It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?
Forever, really.
I don’t remember what year it was.
I tore out the dedication page in the newspaper.
I missed your funeral.
But I stayed up for three nights, hoping to hear
You’d come back.
For years,
I thought you’d come back.

I wonder if you grew up next to me;
You were always in the empty seat.
You were my age then, weren’t you?
Never got to turn thirteen
I wonder if you will ever step out of the fire at night while I’m sleeping,
Instead of backing in.

I don’t remember your voice.
I barely remember your name, or the way you wore your hair.
I wonder if they buried you in purple.
I remember the song we sang for you,
The one about the butterflies…
I really hope you heard it.
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