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Zane Dec 2018
Your soft hair gleams in the light,
a morning selfie that graces my feed.
The more I gaze into your deep eyes,
the longer I feel as if could fall into them, longingly wishing to tell you,
how much I adore you.
That I, am in awe of your unconcious beauty,
perplexed by your layered originality.
Like a poet with a new novel, I so desperately desire to read farther into you,
yet be gentle as if I am handling a hundred
year old book.

But I, I am no one.
Not a complete, not a singular.
I am merely stiched from pieces of others,
a poor art collage of a human.
Hopelessly, I cannot possibly aim to be even half of what you are,
or that,
which you surely will become.
Zane Dec 2018
With your gaze piercing through the darkness
I awake stunned and silent
As we lock eyes it all rushes towards me
All of your pain and misery washing over me as a cacophony into the realization that I am the cause
The tyrannical wailings, night after night
Your daily insomniac presentation

My heart has not been your shield
It became the tool with which to pierce your remaining humanity
Collapsing to my feet I scream,
"How could I not have known?"
The days you unneededly suffered
Barbarically tortured by my fervourous, so called act of healing

No words I speak, nor attempt at apology
Be enough to make okay
That which has been said
That which has been done.
Zane Dec 2018
I keep having a dream
Driving an old, beat up car down the highway
Fog is pervasive and thick
Ahead, the road ends
Only emptiness

I long to cry at the supposed ending
Distraught, i produce nothing

Eerily, it feels familiar.
As if the near future is indeed unreachable
As if I will it to not exist

How do i learn the foresight to see beyond?
How do I force it?
I know that i must cause my eyes to adjust
That there is no end
Zane Aug 2018
i woke up in a cold sweat
i've had that nightmare, again
i come to visit, to continue what previous was love, and yet
with a hand full of flowers, and a heart on the mend

i see through the window from afar
a man i see, who is not me

professed you had, that we were still one
gave what saved i had for myself,
to prepare you for the long journey

betrayal, i feel
sadness
anger
a swirling thunderstorm of hurt.

future sight as failed,
i have allow it to be corrupted.
sang with a heart instead of a brain.

i won't get fooled again.
Zane Nov 2017
Knot in my stomach
Sweat on my palms
Throat closing up

It's been so long since I've heard your name, I've forgotten what this feels like.

Room growing blurrier
Legs becoming weaker
Chest compressing faster

I scan the room for a way out. If i move at all, she will notice it, her eyes will be on me. You'll see me.

You'll see me.
You'll see me.
You'll
See
Me.
Two weeks ago i had to be around a very toxic person. This is what i felt while I stood feet from her, at my friend's funeral.
Zane Jul 2017
To whom it may concern;
As I watch you from afar,
It seems your mental living conditions have become poor.

While the paint on your house seems new,
the garden, gently cared for
and your front porch, freshly swept
all of the rooms in your house are a mess.

The foyer,
which once invited large storms of crowds
and your master suite;
the most lavish room in the entire house
are covered in trash, half-empty bottles,
and what i can only surmise
as a deep depression in the walls and floor

But your attic, whereby
you store your most valuable treasures
thought,
wisdom
beauty
appears to have grown dark
and now neither dark basement nor top floor
can be told apart

so dear,
i write you this, to speak of my qualifications
my abilities, as a household repairman
though i may not hold any formal degree,
please,
see my references,
as quite soon, i would love to get to work
and teach you
to rebuild your home
Zane Jun 2017
twisting.
falling.
screaming.

I know I've been here before
The way the walls taste
The way the floor sounds

It's become such a normal thing
The act of it is like breathing.

Like breathing
Like drowning.
Like breathing.
Like dying.

Like

Anxiety.
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