you haven't changed your
profile picture since I left.
I don't know it that's because
you stayed the same,
or if you've changed so much
that you can't recognize yourself anymore.

You’ve changed
imperceptibly yet obviously
since the last time

You’ve changed
something has shadowed
your sunshine
Clouded things

You’ve changed
you dress impeccably still
and wear your heart on your sleeve
embroidered with care
into the fabric of you

You’ve changed
I see age creeping into the corners of your eyes
edging into the mirrors
framing the light
claiming you

You’ve changed
the things we shared
are now past
distant
and our language
of intimacy
forgotten
shifted
to polite familiarity
lacking finesse

I’ve changed
Moving quietly away
from the totem
that was you
re-evaluated what it was
reviewed assumptions
in detail
in colour
and learned
evolved

We’ve changed
lost our polarity
the semblance of kindred-ness
that we celebrated
valued and cosseted
we have let go
moved
realised
and grown

As we picked up the sticks and stones we used to break each others' bones,
our bodies tensed in the claustrophobic silence.
Never forgetting elephant in the room, she wouldn't go unnoticed.
Over-sized, heavy mammoth, pregnant with disclosure
Yet she couldn't give life to her word's desires.
Stillborn.
But the waters were far from it.
They escaped from my eyes, down my face
running wild and free, sweeping away everything in its path as my heart wished it could.
On your face, they roared like waves travelling at great speeds,
crashing onto the shores of an island neither of us felt welcomed in.
We cried.
We belted our sorrows to the skies while rainstorms consumed our eyes.

& there we were.
Picking love's splinters from our hands.
Asking questions that would never leave our mouths.
Giving answers to questions trapped in our dreams.
You, my love, had the upper hand.
I gave you the bigger piece of the wish bone.
I placed the ball in your court & you just kept bouncing it to yourself.
Up and Down.
Not much flight.
No direction -  Like a bird with vertigo.

It broke my heart to stare at the silhouette my private parts know so well
but still unable to see the soul that played bodyguard to my private thoughts & dreams
that sometimes I couldn't even admit to myself,
but somehow you just knew.

You've changed.
You're not the angel I once knew.
Bright eyed, optimistic and sure of yourself.
A smile so bright it blinded the sun
and a laugh like poetry in motion.
A heart sliced from the breast of an angel
and a love deeper and richer than a saltan's pockets.

No need to tell me now we're through.
It's all over now.
You've Changed.

I understand, where your coming from,
But do you understand, what you have done,
What have you done, where's all this coming from,
You used to be so different, you used to be my dear friend,
Why is this happening, tell me why this is happening

I come home and look at my room
like I would the stranger that I ******
and didn't leave a phone number to.

I see the blank walls and smell
the sent of stale paint and think
of a life more privileged.

I can't help it.
I live in a box.

I see the world of money
and fame,
I live it.

I stay up and bite my nails
to dust
like it's achievable.

It's ******* not,
and I don't want it.

But I do.

I'm not
the substitute
for the smoke
you've been inhaling.

-r0

Last night I dreamt I committed suicide;
and it wasn't beautiful or poetic
it simply was yet another death.
I felt boneless and dizzy as I awoke on the dawn
of yet another day.
The sun shone through cracks in my window but
relief never came of not having that dream real.

Last night I forgot to sleep, I forgot to feel;
and I didn't toss around my bed but laid
as a corpse does in his casket.
I felt numb and yet somehow disappointed
of not having someone to scare away this beast.
This beast that clings to my body like a second skin,
this beast which eats away my sun,
this beast that grows with the ennui of life,
this beast which spits on raw wounds of my flesh.
It keeps me caged,keeps me inside,
belittling me and snickering just when I have managed
to get a foot out the door-
so I step back in and close it firmly shut.

Last night I prayed to anyone who would listen
and it was poignant and pathetic because
I awoke to another bright day of laughter from my peers
and I could do nothing but stare from a faraway place
with white noise stuck in my head.