laying across damp  citrus cedar logs
I loosely hold the tips of your fingers with mine
the cold salty spring air keeps me chilled
as the melodic crashing  of waves
and  blanket of stars over our heads
hold us still
in a magnetic field
of love and celestial bodies

my body remembers your body
and how the water was still that night
soft warm winds could not alter
the reflection of an ivory moon wading in the lake
you were warm too
your arms and chest were hot
as if you had been soaking up heat from the sun
like a stone,
or a lizard;
yet the sun was no where to be seen
You must have been warmed by the lust in our dreams
we were half asleep when  restlessness took over your bones
and then your heart
and then your soul
the next morning or many mornings after,
you where gone in the warm winds,
that could not alter your reflection

looking directly
into the depths
of darkness
im suddenly short of breath
wadding through an ocean of black water
looking up to a starless, sunless
sky where no light has visited in a long time
time is gone,
as it can no longer be measured
im wadding through darkness
and
i get claustrophobic in vastness
and it seems like it will go on forever
because i have lost all concept of time

how can i be loved
and still feel this alone
i can't exist
just for you to love me
there needs to be more
to me this darkness
that i have painted over,
to resemble a person

I disintegrate
Again,
At the thought of growing up
growing old
At the thought of
Consequences
Of making love
(you actually do make something)
I fall apart,
At the thought of forever
At the thought of
How many times
The sun will rise
In my forever
How many times
Will you forgive me
How many times
Will you fall inlove with me
again
How many times
Will you fall out of it
How many times
Will i almost give up
How many stars
fit in your always?
I come together
At the thought
Of watching your hands
Age and harden
I come together
At the thought
Of lovers before you,
Forgotten
I look forward to the slow fading
Of life before you
As time passes and I realize
I've  been with you for longer,
Than not
You are the ink
On my polaroid picture
And
Love is the oxygen
That develops it
You are the image
That appears and
Allows me to forget
The blank space that
Was there before
You were that first sip
Of water I drank
before I knew i was dry
And you are
The last drop of water
That leaves me
Wanting more
You are the moment
I realized that looking up
at flickering lights
is just an ocean of
other planets' suns
You are a sun
to a humble planet
that only I find familiar
you are my
very own sun

sometimes i sit in a silence
that feels like darkness
feeling the way it would be
to lose you
re living loss of others
i make myself feel
like i miss you
that i need you
like i forgot to appreciate you
and that you are no longer around
i make myself feel
as if i have done something wrong
again;
in preparation
for
when
i
do

horoscopes,
no longer
align with
our constellations
scholars,
forgot to take into account
a slight shift in celestial bodies
i spend time planning
the rest of our lives
in the moments
that come before sleep
but what if
your celestial body doesn't
line up with my stars
what if you are my Jupiter,
but you want someone else's Mars?

i still wake up
in cold sweats
from a dream
that was set in hell
a dream
that remembers
hell
as it was,
that night
i found the devil
i still
feel the flames of his hands
licking
my skin
my burns
are still there
though
no one wants
to see them anymore
time
does not
heal all wounds
it just allows
for others
to feel more comfortable
and forget them
gasoline
is embedded in my skin
it was sewn in
with thread made of
sin
allowing for
the smallest ember
in the form
of a possible threat
to hold power
that relights
the inferno
even
if i wasn't really
going to
get burned.
my mind
wanders
when
walking home
in darkness
in a small dress
the ground gets hot
as hell creeps in again
i walk faster
as to not burn my feet
and to avoid
the sight of
that same devil
in the pupils
of some other creep