I'm just using pain
To cover pain

Alluring pain
Sharp pain
Dull pain
Drowning pain

Pain that I spend lifetime
To run away from
Pain that reminds me of
The depth of my being

Pain that urges me to
give up upon everything

Pain-ting

I lay here
on this very bed where you laid
You were so close to me
The scent of your body
drowned my senses

At the time I thought about
this very brief
very sweet moment
trying so hopelessly to grasp

And I could completely see
how this very moment would be unfolding
and led to
this moment
knowing this might be the
last time

Can you at all sense
my longingness
my helpless
an ocean away

You will never see this
After you cut me off
I have too much to feel at the moment

*******
yes ******* that you leave me with nothing left
******* that you found me and came into my life
you flirted you teased you turned me on
you wanted to ride me

******* that after all we have felt
after you made me realize how beautiful life could be with another soul in it
after you reminded me what it was like to be with a soul mate
soul mate for lack of a better word
after the depth we shared
after all the beauty you brought to my eyes
after the best insanity that ran through my blood
after you kissed me in my dream

yet you cut me off completely
what connection we were talking about
which can be wiped off so easily
how can you do this to me
I can't believe it after all that I felt

So this is the best insanity I ever felt in my life
If this can make you feel special
Because this is what soul mates do
they are no ordinary work

As much as it hurts
I am still longing for your last breathe
the lingering warmth of your skin
I don't want to believe all it takes is
one **** block button

*******
******* hard

I should not have washed the shirt you wore
You have left
No traits of you to be found

I still could smell your scent
I still feel the texture of your skin
the silkiness of your hair
on the tip of my fingers

I am infatuated with you
My vulnerability comes short of your passiveness

The ******* pain hits me hard again

I want to crawl in the hole deep down the earth core

I know I will survive

I know it shall pass

But what's new?

Time will take everything away

But I don't believe in time

It is so predictable like this process

Bored the **** out of me

I want to cut the time into little pieces

And set them in the fire

Only to prove

That I don't need time to live