Speaking Sorrow: Poems

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Have you forgotten
The touch of my beard?

Have you forgotten
How I held you near?

Do you think you could
Forgive me for staying gone?

Do you think you could
Stop your ghost from
Haunting on and on?

Please. Just let me sleep.

It’ll Only Hurt Forever

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

It’ll Only Hurt Forever

I’m a demon,
Lost out at sea.
A devil, whose love
turned to rage, immediately.

And I swear,
You’ll be up in flames
Before this is all over.
You’re the one to blame.

It’s All I’ve Been Doing

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

It’s All I’ve Been Doing

I just can’t spend my time
Writing the same thing
Over and over again
In a new way.

But, it’s all I’ve found
That I know how to do.

So since I can’t stop thinking of you
I will write about what I knew.

It’s All I’ve Got Left // You Stole All The Rest

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

It’s All I’ve Got Left // You Stole All The Rest

I wish I could say
That I’m sick of writing you
And Captain I’m sorry
It’s you I should’ve listened to.

But if at some point
I can stop writing about you
It’ll be the day that I drown
Under the weight of the ocean
Or the bottle laced with misery.

It’s Easier Than You Thought, Isn’t It?

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

It’s Easier Than You Thought, Isn’t It?

You told me I made you the happiest
That you’ve ever been.
So tell me, Darling,
Why are you holding me under?

It Seems Fire Is Coming Your Way

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

It Seems Fire Is Coming Your Way

A letter, to you,
This would’ve been,
If I had a way to send it.
But, that’s okay, you’ll find out
All the same.

When you look to the west,
When you gaze out over the sea,

What is it you think of?

Do you ever think of me?

I would suggest you change your answer,
But that will not change your ending

This ship has but one destination:

Hell.

It’s Gone, And It’s Never Coming Back

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

It’s Gone, And It’s Never Coming Back

What was it like,
Holding my heart in your fingers?

Was it warm?
Was it cold?

Did you notice the way it would skip a beat
Every time I saw you?
Do you feel it still?

Is it still there?

It Still Burns

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

It Still Burns

Lock myself away
So I can down the bottle,
The brown liquid
Touches my tongue
And leaves an aftertaste,
A burning,

That can only be described

As you.

It’s Time I Stop Looking Behind

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

It’s Time I Stop Looking Behind

I still hear your voice,
But it’s not the same as it once was.
No longer do you sing me to sleep.

Now it’s more of an echo,

Still lingering in my mind.

I Used To Know The Way Back Home

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

I Used To Know The Way Back Home

I’m on my way home
But I’m lost out at sea
I meant to be back
Months ago.
At least that’s what
I tell myself.

A sailor like me
Knows the stars
Like the back of his hand,
But I know, for me
Yeah, A sailor like me
Knows the stars
Like I knew your scars.

And *******
I knew you so well.
Tell me,
Who knew you so well.
Yeah tell me,
Did he know you so well?

I’ve Got The Matches Now

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

I’ve Got The Matches Now

I lit the candle
The light to guide us.
Keep us on the path
In the dark.

But you blew out the candle
The light fled
And I lost the path.
I didn’t realize

I had already lost you.

I Was Never Needed At All

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

I Was Never Needed At All

If I go back home
What will I find?
A happy family?
Children with both

A mother and father?
Is it better that way?

Will it help me handle this all?

Or will it make me worse?

My compass is broken,
It cannot tell me where to travel.

I cannot rely on it this time.

I feel like I’m paralyzed,
Unable to push myself in any direction.
For fear of what I’ll find.

I Wish For Both

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

I Wish For Both

Sleep does not come to me tonight,
Its gentle kiss is as far away as yours.

Just Another Bastard

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Just Another *******

For the last ten years
I’ve defined myself
By who I am
In relation to you.

And to you,
I’m just another *******.

Do you remember the nights spent together?
Do you remember anything before him?

The visions flash through my mind.
I cannot forget them.
They’re permanently burnt there.
I cannot stop think of you.

And how it all fell apart.
And how I fell apart.
I cannot see myself any differently, now.

Just Don’t You Dare Come Back.

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Just Don’t You Dare Come Back.

I taste the Bitter Root
And when I do
I’m reminded of you
The way you dug your way
Through the soil of my skin
Feeding off my naivete
Feeding off of me.

I see your Rotten Root
And I demand you tell the truth
Release me from your grasp
Your diseased hands of wrath
Tear the flesh that you ensnared
I know the pain, I do not care.

Just Not Like This // Anything But This

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Just Not Like This // Anything But This

I knew, when I first saw you,
That you would be the storm
That would wreck me.

Just Speak To Me

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Just Speak To Me

I don’t know how to fix
What it is that I’ve done.
Just give me a sign.

Let me know it’s okay.
Or that it’s not.
Just tell me something.

Kiss Me Again

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Kiss Me Again

Kiss me, love
Like you once did.
Kiss me like the waves
Kiss the sand.

Let Me Dream Again

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Let Me Dream Again

You stole my children
You stole my home
You stole my happiness

It’s all gone.
So please,
Just give me my dreams back.
I beg of you,
Remove your presence
From my mind.

Like Everything Else

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Like Everything Else

I wish this ******* would go away.
But we all know that it comes in waves.

Luna, Guide Me Through The Deep

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Luna, Guide Me Through The Deep

And like the glass against the wall
I shatter the silence
With a sound that’d make
A kinder man weep.

Lying to myself

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Lying to myself

I swear I’ll forgive you
I’ll forget all the past.
Just tell me you need me
I swear we can last.

making sorrow for myself

Speaking Sorrow Jun 2020

making sorrow for myself

i still see her dead in the grave i dug
in a forest i wasn't allowed to find
made to kneel for men of strength
made to kneel for men like you

and i am told that when i smile
i give hope to other people
so why can't i find a way
to give it to myself
why is it,
when left here all alone
i do my best
to push the good out for the bad
to make room for all the pain
like i am back there all again
like i wasn't made for healing
but the truth is that i'm ripping sutures out
just to keep myself here, bleeding
making sorrow for myself

how selfish have i been
to say that this was more than i can take
when i have already moved away
when i am free from all the pain
that kept making me this way

how selfish i have been
to say that i would've rather traded places
like the creature in my brain
that he placed there for his reign
is somehow worse than the grave

i found comfort in my suffering
like it somehow defined me
or refined me
like there was happiness in death
or there were freedom in its grip
and not the endless night

Misery Is Me

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Misery Is Me

I do not wish to master death.
That is not a game for me.
I’d much rather live for years,
And bask in misery.

My Captain Is Gone

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

My Captain Is Gone

If you haven’t noticed
I still feel the pain
And the fruit of the lotus
Can’t bring me around

But I won’t let you down.
No. I won’t.
I swear I won’t let you down.

Never Enough

Speaking Sorrow Aug 2016

Never Enough

I always knew
I’d never amount
To half of what you
Thought that I was

Or perhaps
What you thought
That I could be.

No, Not From You

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

No, Not From You

The rain scars your stone face
Streaming down, like tears.
It looks so unnatural,
I’ve never seen so much emotion.

Not from you.

Not Before Burning Every Trace Of Me

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Not Before Burning Every Trace Of Me

I wanted us to bury the hatchet,

But instead you buried the match.

No, You Have Yet To Begin

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

No, You Have Yet To Begin

The Deceiver is with me
He guides as my right hand.
The Master of Illusion
Hiding himself
In Light
Not Shadows.

The Sinister Snake
With two faces
Show me them both
As you shed your
Filthy skin.

Oh, but it’s not over yet.

Of Wrath and Ruin

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Of Wrath and Ruin

And as the approaching storm
 Was about to make landfall,
 I felt no fear.

 I knew far too much
 Of wrath and ruin
 That I, myself, had caused.

Why should anyone care
 If I was no longer here?

Oh Captain, I’ve Been Dying

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Oh Captain, I’ve Been Dying

Oh Captain,
I’ve been sailing
On the course you charted
Days before you were stolen.

Oh Captain,
I’ve been drowning
I’m trying to be strong.
But nothing feels worth it.

Please, come back.

I’d take your place in heaven,
But Lord knows I’d never make it
Past Peter and those Pearly Gates.

If anything, the Devil’s got a place for me
In his fiery home.

But chances are there’s nothing out there,
Past the Sky, Sea, or Land.

That’s why I never hear your voice.

Oh Captain, I Wish You Could Hear Me

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Oh Captain, I Wish You Could Hear Me

I don’t know what to do.
No, I don’t know what to do.
I haven’t known in quite some time.
Most days it’s a toss up
Between joining the angels
Under the waves.
And going back
To a place I called home
And bringing a conflagration with me
And setting the place ablaze.

Oh, Deceiver, Just Lie To Me Again

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Oh, Deceiver, Just Lie To Me Again

Honesty never fit you.
Not like that dark dress of deception does.
Oh, Deceiver,
What I’d give to be deceived again.

Or Are You Still Made Of Stone

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Or Are You Still Made Of Stone

I watched as you threw
Everything we built together
To the dogs like bones.
Well, love,
I feel your pain in my bones
Do you feel my pain in yours?
I feel you, my love, deep in my bones.

Do you feel anything
As you sit on your throne?

Or, Perhaps, A Wave

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Or, Perhaps, A Wave

I pretend that you’ll care
When I bleed out on the page
But the truth is you weren’t there.
I am but a cage.

Or Was I Just Not Quite Good Enough?

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Or Was I Just Not Quite Good Enough?

Do I blame it on you?
Do I blame it on him?
Do I blame it on myself?

Do I blame the alcohol,
or the flavor of his lips?
Do they taste better than mine?
Was my beard to thick?
Were my hands too rough?

Party Of One

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Party Of One

Heaven’s not waiting for me
I’ve got a dinner date with Satan
At the bottom of the sea.

Poseidon Is Not A Force To Be Reckoned With

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Poseidon Is Not A Force To Be Reckoned With

I can see you
Trembling with fear.
But you’re not even close
To the tempest you revere
Or did revere.

Is this not what you expected?

The sea has it’s own furious ways,
Of making you realize your mistakes.

Show Your True Intentions

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Show Your True Intentions

I hear the rhythm of the sea
Build me up on a wave
And crash on the beach
And the time between the two
Determines how hard it’ll hurt.

So how did you raise me up so quickly
And make the crash hurt for so long?

Sinking To The Bottom

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Sinking To The Bottom

I’ve spent too much time
out at sea, searching for truth
Or love
Or happiness.
Or something like that.

It was so long ago,
I almost can’t remember what I’m searching for.

And I’ll sit on the railing
And wish for the deep
And I’ll jump, while we’re sailing
And oh how I’ll sink.
Straight to the bottom.
Where I swore I would never go.

And I open my eyes,
Looking down at the bottle

It’s empty, it looks like I’ve reached the bottom.

Now I realize, I’ve reached the bottom.

So I Don’t Have To Finish It Myself

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

So I Don’t Have To Finish It Myself

Since you do not know,
Let me teach you.
Take your hands
Wrap them around my throat
Now squeeze.
Do not look into my eyes.
Just keep at it.
Do not let go and start again later.
Finish the job.

So I’ll Never Walk Through That Door Again

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

So I’ll Never Walk Through That Door Again

When I walk through the door,
Will you recognize me?
Do you remember the way
My beard felt against your cheek?

When I walk through the door,
Will you see the same man?
The one who did everything he could
The one who still loves you.

Because, I know
I’ll still see the same woman.
The one I want to believe has no soul.
The one who took a lion upstairs.

Yeah, I know.
Even though you were lyin’.
I could see, you knew the lion.

Sometimes, I Still Hear You

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Sometimes, I Still Hear You

The room was dark,
And the air,
You could feel it,
You could feel it pushing down
On your soul.

But you,
You were burning bright.
A red-hot soul.
It went so well,
With your wet, blue eyes.

My hands rested on your hips
And I looked as deep as I could
Into those stormy blue eyes,
To see if I could see the truth.

I blinked,

And now my hands are resting on this ship
And I looked as deep as I could
Into the stormy blue ocean
To see if I could find you.

To see if I could be as empty as you.

Soon, I’ll Be Okay

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Soon, I’ll Be Okay

I’m sorry it’s been so long
Since I wrote you a song
I just haven’t figured out how
Since you’ve been gone.

I’ve been stumbling around
With a glass in my hand
And the drinks that I’ll down
Would rather have me drown

So… Maybe all I need
Is to learn to swim again.

Speak To Me Again

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Speak To Me Again

Her words made flowers grow
From organs hard as stone.

Still Here For You

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Still Here For You

I apologize for my absence
But I hope you know

That though time passes

I’m still here.

Storm Or Sea?

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Storm Or Sea?

My soul is anything but beautiful, dear.
It is tattered and it is torn.
It is the crumpled up piece of paper that you toss in the fire
To keep yourself warm for another night.

You wish to be the sea?
Or do you wish to be the approaching storm?

But the real question is
Does it matter what you wish?

Our wishes are rarely our reality.
Our wishes are the roses
Of gardens full of weeds
Reality is the pesticide
So haphazardly sprayed.

Storm or Sea

Why me?

There are a million better people
And better writers
And better speakers
And better lovers
And better souls

Than I.

Storms As Lovers Pt. 1

Speaking Sorrow Aug 2016

Storms As Lovers Pt. 1

And the glass in the window frame
Starts to shake
Violently
Letting the sound of the storm
That was forming in the darkened sky
Be known
All but silently.
I tried to leave
But by then it was too late.
Your beauty: The lightning,
Your gaze: The thunder that follows.
I fell in love with a storm.
And it tore me apart.

Substitution

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Substitution

It’s not my job to fill people up
When the alcohol
Is no longer enough.

Swimming In Your Soul

Speaking Sorrow Jul 2016

Swimming In Your Soul

And what a shallow ocean
I’ve been swimming in.