I am not a savior.
I didn’t come for you.
I came to end this.
Once and for all.

Tonight I found you
Crushed under the weight
Of the ocean of broken promises
That you made for yourself.
And while I lay there
I realized that I could come home
Face every last one of my fears
And it wouldn’t matter.

Do you know what it’s like
To be ****** up in the head?

Are you sick of the lies you’ve been fed?

Oh, dear, I am no one.
I am a ship on the horizon.
You will see me for but a moment,
And as quickly as you noticed me
You will forget you ever saw me.

So in summary, my dear,
I still love you.
And possibly even more so
I still hate you.

This house was my heart,
And you pulled out the bricks
As fast as I could put them in.
But I got it done.
I finished the house.
And we slept in the same bed.

And I looked you in the eyes,
And spoke.
“My dear, my love, I’d give you anything”
And you closed your eyes
And drifted away.

Yeah, you drifted away.

And you tried to say, “I’m sorry.”
It didn’t make it all the way out.

My fingers shook,
And when I opened my eyes
I saw, laying before me
The man who was laying with you.

And I looked him in the eyes
And spoke
“Oh, hear me, I didn’t mean to”
So, I closed his eyes.
But he had already drifted away.

Yeah, he had already drifted away.

And I tried to say, “I’m sorry.”
But, it didn’t make it all the way out.

And I threw my **** in the bag
And left you behind
In my crumbling home.
I barely made it out the door.

I turned around, and looked you in the eyes
And whispered
“Goodbye.”
And I dropped the matchstick
And the house burst into flames.

And I tried to say, “I’m sorry.”
But I didn’t make it all the way out.

No, I didn’t make it all the way out.

The wicked wind freezes my bones.
I think it’s Christmas.
I think I remember what that was like.
Back when I had more than a glass
And a bottle to share it with.
I think I remember what it was like
Before I realized that I didn’t have to waste my time
Spending it with blood.
Instead of spending it with those that I loved.

I slammed my fist
Through the cheap, hollow door.
You’ve left me broken,
I hope your children know
That you killed a man,
So that you wouldn’t feel bad
About breaking a home.

When you saw her,
Did you look at her hand?
Realize what you’ve done.
Did it mean nothing, the gold band?
You swore you’d always be here.
You swore you’d always be mine
I’m trying to survive.
You swore.

But You lied.

Tell me,

When you look at me
Do you still see the man
That you once loved?

Do you see your husband?

Because when I look at you
I swear it’s like looking at a stranger
And then looking at every mistake
I ever made.

The winds have battered
And tattered my sails,
And the salt water is
Rotting my every floorboard.
I stopped in a town,
To replace what was broken down.
But I’m starting to feel guilty.
I was given this ship
By it’s rightful Captain.

And when every sail has been changed
And every floorboard replaced

Will this ship still be the same?

Will it still be the one my Captain gave to me
With his final breath?

Siren songs suffused the air
And not a man among my ships
Could bear to direct their ears
To any other sounds, or thoughts, alike.

And though their songs
Were beautiful,
And seemingly ethereal
They held no sway over me.

For my thoughts have not,
For even but a moment

Wandered far from you.

And though the sirens
Tried to steer my ship
Towards the jagged shallows

I’m doing just fine
Charting a course
Where I’ll be hanging from the gallows

And in the space between your lips
Silence escaped.

She calls me home
And I am sinking,
I am sinking.
Deeper deeper.
Til I am with her.

"What do you think it’s like,
Up there in the clouds?”
The sailor, tying off the ropes,
Asked me, one fall,
As the sun fell below the horizon.

What’s it like, Captain?
Does heaven exist?

Is it all the priests promised?

Are you happy?
Are you alright?

I ask you now, if you can hear,

Because like the great story

An angel fell

And if they’re right,
You will rise.

With the rock of the ship
On the waves, sweet and solemn.

I hum a song, of my own creation
It rises and falls with every wave

And in its melody
I am saved.

Restitution,
What I once hoped for;
That all that was lost
Would come back to me.

But now I know
All that’ll be left for me
When I make my move is
Destitution

I see you cloaked in darkness,
It suits you well.
I still remember looking at you
And seeing hell.

The ocean has been changing
Ever since I started sailing
On it’s wondrous waves.
When I look out over the vast blackness
I no longer see the beauty in it.

No, no longer.

Now there is only terror.
Terror at my command.

I tried.
I swear I tried.
And I always loved you.
Like the earth loves the sun.
And I tried to gaze upon your grace
But instead I lost my sight.
I lost sight of what was important.

I lost sight of you.
And I’m regaining my sight.
Oh, I’m back.
And you will see me soon.

My eyes are red
And I claim it’s from
The salty waves
Mixed with the rain

But the truth is
I only cry
When it rains.

And it’s been raining
For the past five years

You were just a storm
Who wanted people to stop and gaze
At the way you light up the sky
With your outbursts of anger and fear
You wanted us to forget the fact
That you sank ships in the wake
Of your anger
And you wanted us to continue to love you
No matter how bad you hurt us.
From a distance your beauty is known
And inside your eye
The light can be shone
But you destroy what’s around you.

I came home early
And saw you in bed
With a man
I’m supposed to call friend
That’s when you murdered me.
That’s the moment
That you killed the good in me
My eyes turned black
And I spoke to God
I screamed
“God, why would you do this
To me?”
And he never replied
So, I never tried to speak
with him again.
He was never really there.

I’m sorry,
I know I’ve been neglecting
I’ve just been dissecting
and expecting far more of myself
Than I think it was fair of me to ask.

And so I apologize
I just got buried too deep.
It’s been months,
And here I am again.

6 a.m.

And I still can’t sleep

I think you misunderstand.
It’s not that I do not respect the earth.
I just prefer a watery death
Than one that follows with a hearse.

Silently, night falls.
The hour of darkness
Is upon us all.
Standing on towers tall
You wield vengeance
Like a sword
Trying your hardest
To bring back the light.

But no matter the hand
That holds the blade
Vengeance breeds only darkness.

I’ve got a choice
I can either spend my life
On my ship, out at sea.

Or I can come back
And spend an eternal winter
Trying to live without you.

You are the phantom
Burned into the images in my mind.
You are the twisted, torn up pages
That I tear out of journals
When the words just aren’t quite right.

The quiet earth breathes deeply.
Silently, the sky turns dark
Off in the distance
Quickly moving our direction.

The silent earth stands still.
Lightning tears through the sky
Illuminate the darkest corners
The storm is on our doorstep.

I’m used to staring at the night sky
A sailor knows his stars.
But, long before I boarded,
I was already used to it.

We both were.

I can’t close my eyes
They’ve got that sleepless sting.

But leaving them open is almost worse.

Oh, the clouds overhead,
They cast a shadow,
A darkness.
It falls upon my path
I cannot stray
I made it this way.

How many times
Will I find a new way
To say the same thing;

I am not worth the pain.

I knew of men
Who spoke of ghosts
And magic in the air.

I’ve watched wanderers
And beggars
And rich folk all alike
Those who claim
That by their hand
Magic will ignite.

But the only magic
I’ve ever seen
Is the magic I’ve made myself

The only magic
I’ve ever known
Was to love all I could
Without an ounce of spite.

What a wretched soul you are.
As vengeful as the waves
With words that fall like rain
In the heaviest of storms.

Without these writings
My legacy is that of a drunkard
These scrawlings just prove
That I’m ******* who can’t let go. And there’s not enough time in the day
To prove otherwise.
I’ll leave before I get the chance
To make it right by you.

Not even a sailor
Was I when I left
Many moons ago.

But I am returning
The Master of the Wind,
The Lord of the Storm.

You shall not stop me.

I’d die again
To see your face
And that’s the point
That I’ve been trying to prove
It’s the only reason
I’ve been killing myself
Out here on the Devil Blue

At this point,
All I really need
Is a decent night’s sleep
Without the bottle
At my side.

Today, the ocean is calm.
No waves, no storms.
To shipwreck my heart

If you could see my soul
The one the writhes
The one that feels like winter
And speaks to those
Lost and Unknown.

Would you try and keep my warm?

Or would you light the flames beneath me?

And the worst part of it all
Was always knowing
That I would be the one to fall.

Light passes through
The translucent curtains
Fill the room
Splash against my face
Wake me up
From the unending nightmare
Like I knew you always could
My love.

I’m battling ghosts
They’re crawling through
The cracks along the floor
And throughout it all
The only thing
Worth thinking of
Is you.

I always knew
What a star
You’d eventually
Turn into.

With a face like
Aphrodite’s
And thoughts
Like the moon.

I saw the last sunset
The fires burned upon the water
And I knew my time was up.
I jumped in the sea
There was nothing left of me.

What a wicked wind
Blows through the sails tonight
I can’t feel my fingers
And nothing is alright.

I think I’d rather be shipwrecked
Than banished to this life

So darling,
Why’d you leave me out here tonight?

They say the night is darkest
Just before the dawn.

Well tell me
******* it.

How long is the night?

These past five years
Have been one long night.
And I see no light
Coming up over the horizon.

So tell me
******* it

How long before I’m alright?

I’ve been thinking about death a lot.
Particularly suicide,
And I don’t want you to think it’s in that dark drab way;
It’s not.


It’s much more romantic than that.
Yes, I’ve been seducing death.
Or rather, she’s been seducing me.


How much easier it’d be
If I jumped in the water
Held my head under
And tried to breathe.


That liberating moment
When the water fills my lungs


And I don’t have to be confined
To this life of songs sung
To gods of death.
Whose followers wear death on chains
That the dangle around their neck.



I don’t want to be confined
To this life, where those whose piety is determined
By how loud they can tell you
How awful you are.



I don’t want to be confined
To this life of always waiting for what’s coming next
Never experiencing.
Nothing’s ever good enough.



I don’t want to be confined
To this life without you.
And eternity in hell
Is what you condemned me to.



I take solace in the fact
That once my lungs are filled
With that salty ocean brew,
I’ll no longer have to
Think of you.

As I age,
I begin to realize
My own mortality.
And I realize,
I do not care.