I see the faint glimmer of hope
When I look across the empty blue,
The sky and ocean, meeting in the middle
Like the first time I met you.

Nothing until the horizon,
Where we would figure it all out
Because it didn’t matter in the moment,
It didn’t matter right then.
All that mattered was that we had each other
And nothing could take that away
‘Til it did.

Bought our first house
And I didn’t know why the bricks
Kept falling to the floor
Every time I tried to put them back
Another eight would fall out

I couldn’t see what was happening
As you and your new lover
Pulled the foundation out from under me
And left me drowning.

My tastes have been shifting
Changing, ever growing.

Mostly away from you.

I miss the way it used to be
I can still see the places on the floor
Where you stepped,
In my mind.
I keep writing,
My catharsis.
But every piece
Turns into a letter
To you.
You were heaven.
You were the smell of freshly cut grass
And the taste of an ice cold lemonade.

I was just the poison in the wine.
The cancer, never benign.

Please guide me home,
Luna.
My old, pale friend.
The waters are getting colder
And I’m nearing the end.

I am coming back
Do not misunderstand
I’ve got a course set.
And I will hide in every shadow
I am a ghost.

No, I am the ghost.
I am the ghost of every mistake you made
And ever promise that you said.
I am the ghost of a life
That you tried your hardest to forget.

But don’t you forget about me.

No don’t you dare.

Violets paint
The sea of green
With bursts of purple
Attracting the eyes
Of those who
Would otherwise
Overlook
The land.

Roll the last days cigarette,
Smoke to quell the hunger.
I once drank to forget the days.

But I dare you to try to forget being murdered,
By the one who whispered ‘Forever’ in your ear every night.

Sit on the edge of the pier.
Let your feet dangle,
Let the waves splash your feet.
Let the ocean blue swallow you whole.

I spent three years
Planning out everything
That I would say
When I looked you in the eyes.
But when I found you
Hidden in the crowd
I fell in love with you again
And I walked away.
Because right next to you
I saw the man
Who took away my sunshine
And killed my faith.
I got back on my ship
For what felt like
The millionth time
Because I knew
If I came any closer
You’d both be dead.

Adventures don’t have to be dangerous.
Sometimes adventure
Is just doing something
You were too frightened to do.

With a head full of memories
And a glass full of ***
I sit down alone
And visions of you start to run
Through my head.

“Death is not evil,” a voice echoes through my head,
“It is a promise that cannot be broken,” it continues.

“You cannot stop me.”

The voice carries on into the night.

Oh what do you do
When you’re the one
Who made the river flood?

What do you do
When you’re the one
Who brought pain to so many?
I cannot go back.

I wish I could tell you
That I’m no longer afraid of failure.
The truth is,

I’m more afraid of it now than I was.
Those years ago.
The only difference is,
I’ve got nothing left.
No one looking up to me,
Or counting on me.

Or loving me.
The future is empty
The past: A story
My future is bleak
While the past is a dream.

Oh, Love.
I don’t believe there’s a heart in my chest.
And you say you disagree.
But, have you noticed how I breathe in,
All the things that shouldn’t be.
I know where this leads,
I’m headed straight for a watery grave.

Eventually it’ll just be
The Devil,

And me.

I’ve been writing words
Alone, in the early hours
Of the morn.
But every time I do
They always just turn
Into letters to you,

And I,

I know I made mistakes
But you know we all do.

Did it feel good,
To take what wasn’t yours?
And you,

Wife,

How did it feel,
To taste the forbidden fruit?

I swore I saw you last night
Standing over my bed.

The ghost of your presence
Haunts my every move.

With the bottles of ***
Empty around my bed
I try to forget.
Every vision a nightmare.

And every nightmare closer to the truth.

Listen to those waves.
Watch as they pull back.
Gathering their strength,
Curling in anger,
Collapsing.
Oh, a story I know far too well.

Often, there’s a ship in the distance.
With black sails, and a fainted dark paint,
With trims in red.

And, late at night, when I close my eyes,
I can see the captain,
And as soon as I see his face,
It’s gone.

But always lurking
There in the back of my head.

And there is naught, no doubt in my bones

He is the Minister of Sin.

What good is all the money
You could ever imagine
If you sell your soul
And lose all compassion?

Wash the pain away.
Bathe yourself in your mistakes.
Raise a glass
Revel in the knowledge
That it’ll never be okay.

And when the ship
Pulled into port
I expected to see your face
But I couldn’t find you

So I searched and found you up the stairs
Sleeping around with someone
I’m supposed to call friend
I wasn’t gone for that long.

And you replaced me.

So now I’ll replace you.


With a cigarette and a gallon

Of gasoline.

We stopped in Mexico
I had a glass of tequila
The taste didn’t leave my mouth
For six long weeks
So I’m wondering how much longer
I’ll have to cover the taste
That you left there.

I found your pipe tonight,
Searching for my lost words.
It fell out of your coat pocket,
I remember watching you pack the tobacco in
Just moments before you left us all.

I hope you know what you did for me.
Taking me in.
Giving me a home on your ship.

I hope you know how grateful I was
That you sat out here,
Packing your pipe
As I broke down and cried

And I still remember
How you put your hand on my shoulder
And cried with me.

Oh those long nights,
Spent with the wind in our face
And the sun hiding from us
I remember the laughs that we shared
I remember the wisdom that you gave me.
I remember how on those nights
Where the pain was too much
I tried to hide my face
For I was ashamed to feel.

I was supposed to be better.

Wasn’t that the point of this?

At least that’s how I felt,
When I had you to lean back on.
When I had my captain at my side.

Filling my head with how to be wise.
But you’re not here anymore.
Your voice is fading from my mind.

I was supposed to start feeling okay, soon.
I was supposed to let go of you.
Wasn’t that the point of this?

Or did I have much more sinister plans?

You’ve got your fingers
Firmly wrapped around my heart.
Your nails tore their way
Into my chest,
And just waited for us to fall apart.

I think it’s about time
You took your hands out of my chest.
I think it’s about time
You stop haunting me,
I just need some rest.

I’m running out of stories to tell
Nothing’s gotten easier
And I’m still headed for hell.

I’m sorry I don’t know
How to write about love
I’m sorry I don’t know
How to write about you.
How to write about the moments
We spend watching movies
Curled up
On your bed.

I’m sorry I don’t know
How to write about falling asleep
With your head on my chest.
And your legs intertwined
With mine

I’m sorry I don’t know
How to write about you
When your beauty surpasses words

I’m sorry I don’t know
How to tell the paper
That you are my everything
That when I can sleep my mind wanders
To you and you alone

I’m sorry my poems
Are broken and dark
Strung out across the floor

I’m sorry I don’t know
How to write about love
No one ever taught me how

But I think I did okay.

I remember the way that you laid.
On your side, smiling at me.
I remember the way that you laughed.
Suddenly, an uproar of joy, quickly ending.
I remember the way that you breathed.
Deeply. Fully. Taking in everything I had to offer.

I remember the way that you left.
On your side, smiling at him,
Suddenly, quickly ending,
Taking everything I had.
And giving it to him.

I’d beg you to stay,
But I’m a few years too late
And the more I think,
The more I realize
I will never have the courage
Or the strength
To stand next to you
And say ‘I do’.

I don’t know what to do
But sleep the day away,
For nights are spent drinking
Wishing, Hoping, Thinking, Feeling,

Burning.

The darkness creeps
Over the land,
And many succumb,
Fall to their knees
Worship the darkness,
Out of fear, or lust, or greed.

The darkness creeps
Over my heart
And I don’t know
If I have the strength
To fend it off
Forever.

You were poison in the well
But I was dying of thirst.
Even a slow death was okay
If it meant I got to spend it with you.

Someone asked me
‘Why don’t you go get help?
You know you don’t always have to be miserable.’
But I didn’t want help.
Things would be so much more bearable
If I didn’t know what I knew.
But I’d rather feel the pain
Than live without a thought of You.

I’ve tried to keep the enemies away
With words sharp enough
To slit a throat,
To ****, or at least delay
The inevitable.

But I think I missed.
I couldn’t tell the difference
Between an enemy
And a friend.

Oh darling.
I am sorry for leaving.

But you need to understand
Where I am going
You can’t come along.

I can’t let you be consumed
By the flames at our feet
When I fall to hell.

I let go now
So you wouldn’t have
To fall to hell with me.

Puffs of smoke
Escape my lips
And disappear
Into the night

The waves crash
Against the ship
I ran to
When I left you,
My wife.

I’ve spent too many nights
Staying awake,
And downing every last drop
Of alcohol, this ship had to offer.
I was just trying to find something,
That made me feel okay.


That gave me the warmth that you once did.

As the black fades to blue,
I feel my bones begin to ache for you.
Begging for that touch,
Begging for your love.

The sun rises on an ocean
And a *******

Writing to a ghost.

I don’t mind being haunted
But did it have to be you?
Your voice, so sweet.

It almost makes me forget
The things you’re saying to me.

It almost makes me forget
Why I tied these cinder blocks to my feet
And jumped into the river.

Your head is full of hopes
And dreams of another man.
I can see straight through those darting eyes
When you look at me and tell me you love me.

I can see straight through that wicked soul.

You dream all night, and I don’t sleep a wink.
You’ve turned every waking second into a nightmare.

When I return.

Oh I’ll return.

In another world
You still loved me.

I used to think we would have lasted
If I just swallowed my pride.
But now I know, the only way
That would have happened
Is if I dropped the match.

So we could be side by side
With an epitaph 6 feet above us.

I always knew
We’d be fine
When we’d scream
And we’d fight

And if that’s the case
What am I doing out here
Sailing as far away as I can


From you?

I suppose I just was too eager,
Too ready to end the pain.

But people aren’t novocaine
I should’ve known better than this.

Your body was but thorns
That dug into my side
Every night we lay together
Every night you lied.

Tell me what it’s like
Living with the stars above
While I drown
In the oceans below.

I thought I saw your face in the water
So I jumped in to find you.
I cannot hold my breath any longer.
Please don’t make me try.

Just show yourself.

Often, I stare at the ocean,
Over the railing of my ship.
And I think how easy it would be
To swim till my lungs fill with water.
But instead I fill my lungs with smoke
And I tried for years
To poison the things inside of me
With bottle after bottle.

I think it’s November
But I can never quite remember
All I know is that my bones
Are tired of praising an empty throne
And the light that’s never known
Will never illuminate my home.

Please tell me where I went wrong.

I suppose I always knew
This is what I’d become.
The ******* with the bottle
Is running out of words.

Soon there’ll be no reason
For me at all