Do you know what it’s like
To be ****** up in the head?

Are you sick of the lies you’ve been fed?

Wash the pain away.
Bathe yourself in your mistakes.
Raise a glass
Revel in the knowledge
That it’ll never be okay.

Sit on the edge of the pier.
Let your feet dangle,
Let the waves splash your feet.
Let the ocean blue swallow you whole.

Stand on the beach
And walk into the waves.
Let the ocean wash you.
Cleanse you of his touch.

The wicked wind freezes my bones.
I think it’s Christmas.
I think I remember what that was like.
Back when I had more than a glass
And a bottle to share it with.
I think I remember what it was like
Before I realized that I didn’t have to waste my time
Spending it with blood.
Instead of spending it with those that I loved.

Your pipe’s been keeping me company.
The one that fell out of your pocket.
A long churchwarden, with a sleek, curved stem,
It fills me with warmth again.

Sleep does not come to me tonight,
Its gentle kiss is as far away as yours.

Lock myself away
So I can down the bottle,
The brown liquid
Touches my tongue
And leaves an aftertaste,
A burning,

That can only be described

As you.

I’d beg you to stay,
But I’m a few years too late
And the more I think,
The more I realize
I will never have the courage
Or the strength
To stand next to you
And say ‘I do’.

I don’t know what to do
But sleep the day away,
For nights are spent drinking
Wishing, Hoping, Thinking, Feeling,

Burning.

The darkness creeps
Over the land,
And many succumb,
Fall to their knees
Worship the darkness,
Out of fear, or lust, or greed.

The darkness creeps
Over my heart
And I don’t know
If I have the strength
To fend it off
Forever.

Tell me what it’s like
Living with the stars above
While I drown
In the oceans below.

I pretend that you’ll care
When I bleed out on the page
But the truth is you weren’t there.
I am but a cage.

I think you misunderstand.
It’s not that I do not respect the earth.
I just prefer a watery death
Than one that follows with a hearse.

I do not wish to master death.
That is not a game for me.
I’d much rather live for years,
And bask in misery.

Often, there’s a ship in the distance.
With black sails, and a fainted dark paint,
With trims in red.

And, late at night, when I close my eyes,
I can see the captain,
And as soon as I see his face,
It’s gone.

But always lurking
There in the back of my head.

And there is naught, no doubt in my bones

He is the Minister of Sin.

A letter, to you,
This would’ve been,
If I had a way to send it.
But, that’s okay, you’ll find out
All the same.

When you look to the west,
When you gaze out over the sea,

What is it you think of?

Do you ever think of me?

I would suggest you change your answer,
But that will not change your ending

This ship has but one destination:

Hell.

Often, I stare at the ocean,
Over the railing of my ship.
And I think how easy it would be
To swim till my lungs fill with water.
But instead I fill my lungs with smoke
And I tried for years
To poison the things inside of me
With bottle after bottle.

I am coming back
Do not misunderstand
I’ve got a course set.
And I will hide in every shadow
I am a ghost.

No, I am the ghost.
I am the ghost of every mistake you made
And ever promise that you said.
I am the ghost of a life
That you tried your hardest to forget.

But don’t you forget about me.

No don’t you dare.

Oh, the clouds overhead,
They cast a shadow,
A darkness.
It falls upon my path
I cannot stray
I made it this way.

Oh darling.
I am sorry for leaving.

But you need to understand
Where I am going
You can’t come along.

I can’t let you be consumed
By the flames at our feet
When I fall to hell.

I let go now
So you wouldn’t have
To fall to hell with me.

Violets paint
The sea of green
With bursts of purple
Attracting the eyes
Of those who
Would otherwise
Overlook
The land.

I see you cloaked in darkness,
It suits you well.
I still remember looking at you
And seeing hell.

The Deceiver is with me
He guides as my right hand.
The Master of Illusion
Hiding himself
In Light
Not Shadows.

The Sinister Snake
With two faces
Show me them both
As you shed your
Filthy skin.

Oh, but it’s not over yet.

I knew of men
Who spoke of ghosts
And magic in the air.

I’ve watched wanderers
And beggars
And rich folk all alike
Those who claim
That by their hand
Magic will ignite.

But the only magic
I’ve ever seen
Is the magic I’ve made myself

The only magic
I’ve ever known
Was to love all I could
Without an ounce of spite.

Silently, night falls.
The hour of darkness
Is upon us all.
Standing on towers tall
You wield vengeance
Like a sword
Trying your hardest
To bring back the light.

But no matter the hand
That holds the blade
Vengeance breeds only darkness.

I just can’t spend my time
Writing the same thing
Over and over again
In a new way.

But, it’s all I’ve found
That I know how to do.

So since I can’t stop thinking of you
I will write about what I knew.

What good is all the money
You could ever imagine
If you sell your soul
And lose all compassion?

I taste the Bitter Root
And when I do
I’m reminded of you
The way you dug your way
Through the soil of my skin
Feeding off my naivete
Feeding off of me.

I see your Rotten Root
And I demand you tell the truth
Release me from your grasp
Your diseased hands of wrath
Tear the flesh that you ensnared
I know the pain, I do not care.

The quiet earth breathes deeply.
Silently, the sky turns dark
Off in the distance
Quickly moving our direction.

The silent earth stands still.
Lightning tears through the sky
Illuminate the darkest corners
The storm is on our doorstep.

Did it feel good,
To take what wasn’t yours?
And you,

Wife,

How did it feel,
To taste the forbidden fruit?

What a wretched soul you are.
As vengeful as the waves
With words that fall like rain
In the heaviest of storms.

Kiss me, love
Like you once did.
Kiss me like the waves
Kiss the sand.

You stole my children
You stole my home
You stole my happiness

It’s all gone.
So please,
Just give me my dreams back.
I beg of you,
Remove your presence
From my mind.

Love is a river
Flowing straight through
The heart.
You were my river.

And you flowed
Through my heart
But you didn’t stop there.

Tell me,

When you look at me
Do you still see the man
That you once loved?

Do you see your husband?

Because when I look at you
I swear it’s like looking at a stranger
And then looking at every mistake
I ever made.

Have you forgotten
The touch of my beard?

Have you forgotten
How I held you near?

Do you think you could
Forgive me for staying gone?

Do you think you could
Stop your ghost from
Haunting on and on?

Please. Just let me sleep.

Puffs of smoke
Escape my lips
And disappear
Into the night

The waves crash
Against the ship
I ran to
When I left you,
My wife.

My days are numbered
And when it happens
When I return
You will regret
What it is that you’ve done.
You’ll regret ever meeting me.
I can no longer
Soothe my nerves
With alcohol
And a pipe.

I’ll make you wish
You were actually in the house
When I dumped the gasoline
And lit the match.

And when my ship arrived
I went into town
Found your house
And looked inside

Saw my children
For the first time
In over five years
Followed by the face
Of the man
You replaced me with.

And when I met your eyes
I made my way
Down to the beach
And watched as the waves
Crashed against the sand

The sun shone brightly
On my wretched self

And I felt, that perhaps
For once since my captain
Had abandoned me
That everything
Would be just fine.

The sea is calling me home
But not on my ship, no.
The sea is calling me to its
Never ending deep


To the dark underneath
To the safe-haven
Of abyssal sleep.

And when I looked into your eyes
It was like looking straight into hell


And when I felt your trembling lips
Hell seemed more than bearable.

Adventures don’t have to be dangerous.
Sometimes adventure
Is just doing something
You were too frightened to do.

I’m battling ghosts
They’re crawling through
The cracks along the floor
And throughout it all
The only thing
Worth thinking of
Is you.

And what am I supposed to do?
I know the world’s not been kind to you.
But that doesn’t change the fact
That ever since I saw you
I knew I wanted to know you.

I wanted to know everything about you
And I wanted you to know
That it was going to be okay.

And as the approaching storm

Was about to make landfall,

I felt no fear.


I knew far too much

Of wrath and ruin

That I, myself, had caused.

Why should anyone care

If I was no longer here?

I suppose I always knew
This is what I’d become.
The ******* with the bottle
Is running out of words.

Soon there’ll be no reason
For me at all

I’m used to staring at the night sky
A sailor knows his stars.
But, long before I boarded,
I was already used to it.

We both were.

We’re all slowly drowning
In her oceans of misery
The Sea has taken me.
The storm will triumph my return.

Did you really expect to get to heaven?
You don’t even know what it’s like
To spend a little time in hell.
With the wind in my sails
I know,
It can’t be any other way.
I’m going to fail.

The rain scars your stone face
Streaming down, like tears.
It looks so unnatural,
I’ve never seen so much emotion.

Not from you.