I just want to talk to you
and hear your voice speak
I just want to be with you
and lay in your arms so deep
I  want to scream
I  want to cut
I  just want to stop
wanting you so much
I don't want to miss you
I don't want to care
I don't want to keep reliving your stare
I don't want to see you
Or wonder where you are
I didn't want things to go this far
I don't want to worry
Or try to keep you near
I don't want to love you
But inevitably I do
I don't want my heart to break
But it's breaking over you
I didn't ask for this
Or even really try
I didn't need a man
Or a new start
I just wanted to be miserable
and left alone here in the dark

I wanted to not fall into
what I have so many times before
Why can't I just hate you
as I do all your kind
Why do I want to run to you
when there's a chance I'll be left behind?
What's this spell you have put me under?
with your captivating charms?
Why do I dream of you and long to be where you are?
Why am I so stupid?
Why am I so blind?
You're only going to hurt me....
It's just a matter of time.

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden

Inner peace within overcoming many obstacles
Happy able to laugh and smile
Live life guilt free best way to be
Noticed by the world that kept you out
Comeback stronger better
Never quit live be legit
No more giving into guilt trips
Mind your mouth ignore flapping lips
Listen to your heart do what right
Sleep well peace within
Happiness grows and starts to show

Curled up beneath the duvet
knees drawn up to chest
inhaling the smokey scent of my fleece
sown fresh nostalgia
I remembered how
we laughed and ate off chinaware
while sipping out of plastic cups
sitting by the fire pit
in the backyard
my eyes wandered
towards the woods at dusk
and I breathed
realizing we are just specks of dust
that glimmer in the light of our Creator.

I hated new year
And knows that everybody celebrates the changes

I hated new year
And awaiting on any surprises

I hated new year
And getting older than yesterday

I hated new year
And know these all will end soon

Sometimes I miss you so much that I forget things about myself,
like, what my smile looks like or the sound of my own laughter.

But still my mind is filled with all of these useless facts
like, Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-a-like contest and came in third place

The Empire State building was the first man made structure you could jump off of and reach terminal velocity before you hit the ground

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
Females' hearts beat faster than males'.

Dogs can make ten noise while cats can make nearly 100.
There are approximately 9,000 taste buds on the human tongue.

You hate thunderstorms, I am a thunderstorm.
I know its impossible to die from a broken heart.

But lately when I look in the mirror I can't even recognize myself
and reaching terminal velocity sounds sweeter and sweeter each day

At night I can not fall asleep because I am haunted by the thought of you.
My heart has almost stopped beating in your absence.

If you called me on the phone I would not know what to say,
but still your lips are the only thing my taste buds recognize as happiness

You hate thunderstorms, I am a thunderstorm

I know that you left me, so why won't you leave me?
I know that you left me, so why won't you leave me?

You're worth more than every penny I've thrown away wishing it was still me and you. Every 11:11, birthday candle, and eyelash.

You're worth more than everything NASA has spent going to the moon, but I'd multiply that by two just to give the stars to you.

You're worth more than my bill on iTunes if I bought every song that reminded me of you, or every romantic comedy I wish we starred in.

You're worth more than the bus fare the words "I love you" dished out the first time they made their way from my lips into your ears.

You're worth more than the rent the butterflies pay to live inside my stomach every moment I am with you.

So the next time a boy makes you feel worthless, just remember, you're worth everything to me.

Okay, I'll admit it, when I invited you over to play "the floor is lava"
I threw every piece of furniture I own besides my bed out my window .

I thought it would be fun to play pretend. Backs to my mattress acting as a raft
lost in the middle of the ocean with great white sharks circling at our toes.
I was hoping you'd get really scared and then hug me really close.

And when I told you to pick a card, I may have rigged the deck
with thirty-two of my hearts so the chances of you picking me were extremely in my favor.
I thought if I learned enough tricks then one day I could saw your insecurities in half
and make everything that ails you disappear.

When we kissed for the first time I think I caught a cold.
When we ****** I struck a fever, I refuse to see a doctor.
Chicken noddle soup and orange juice have been off my menu ever since.

I just pray to God that you are not contagious to anyone else.