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I sat there,
Thinking about the simple
And the impossible.
Why am I still fighting?
Why am I still standing?
Why am I still alive?
This is all seems to unreal to me,
Just a shattered reality,
Nothing seems real to me anymore.
My memories are fading,
My dreams are breaking,
Everything seems... empty.
For years, I have been fighting,
But after all those years,
Only one thing came out in the end.
Emptiness.

Last minute,
That one light bulb was flickering,
On and off.
I thought it had burnt out,
But it was just flickering,
On and off.
As I reached for the light,
A sudden sharp pain in my chest grew,
And everything went black.
Everything but you.
You still glowed, shined even.
I saw nothing but you.
In all of the emptiness,
You were still there,
Shining bright as ever.
Then it clicked me.
I know why I'm still fighting.
I know why I'm still standing.
I know why I'm still alive.
I know why I felt so empty all those years.
Can you...
Can you fill this empty hole in my chest?
I think you can.
I know you can.
This is a very old poem I wrote long ago. Just didn't get the chance to post it until now!
 Dec 2013 Speak to me Laura
wah
I like to think that I tried.
But at the same time
they used to like to think that the world was flat
and that green eyes meant that you were cursed.
I also like to think that I would go to the end of the galaxy for you,
just so that I could fetch a few stars and bring them back
to show you that not every light is burnt out yet.
I like to think that the scars on both of our wrists
will fade with time and will heal with care.
But so far, the redness has not subsided.
Your voice is still ringing in my ears.
I’m not sure what you are saying, but you’re there.
And you’re here.
For the most part, you are everywhere.
And if I could spend one more restless night
curled in your arms so that I could kiss the inside of your wrist
and hope for magic to appear, I could die tomorrow
and be okay with that.
My tombstone could be painted yellow
and my corpse could grow flowers.
All because I hoped for a little magic
while the howling wind touched the windowpane
and your breath quickened on my shoulder.
I would let the coolness of your eyes
take my memory back to the Bahamian sea.
I would let the flutter of your eyelashes remind me
of the rainbow parrotfish and the fire coral.
I would let the salty softness of your skin sink into mine
so that maybe I won’t be so sharp anymore.
I would let myself drown in you
and this time
I wouldn’t call for help.
I would save my last gasping breath
to let you know how beautiful you are.
Then I would succumb to your sea
and I would sink to the bottom
to let my corpse plant flowers in you.
Oh my ever fragile bird
Do not fret your lovely mind
Your hearts wandering over mine  
Your words are in my head

Do not quiver your brow
Or bite your lip
Over the things we have
Not yet said

                         And how could I ever not need you?

With this connection so rare
Almost in describable
But I'll try my best
If you can bear
                          
               You are the crisp clean breeze of January

                             You are the smell of May at dusk
                                
                              You warm me with your July sun

                                    You fill me with October rush  


And please believe me when I say
We'll walk through a forest on a perfect summer day
Through the warmth, recite the Decemberists
And play me your beautiful tunes

                                                & baby stay
                                       up
                    with
me
                                                
                                  In the wake of

An  
                  early
                                      June
                                                       moon.
I feel the fear inside me as they look at me

I sense my watery eyes as I look at them

I close my eyes as I walk towards them

just like a child , just like a baby

I feel beauty but i can’t touch it because maybe it will disappear

I wanna laugh but maybe it will transform into sadness

I wanna talk but maybe it will be silenced

every beautiful thing just left me

I feel the loneliness in me

I feel sadness around me

I just want to disappear for once

I wanna stop and scream

wishing that everything is not real is tiring

I feel the rip of every beautiful thing I have

But i still have to smile while I see it burn to ashes

and for now I feel how I feel in silence
 Nov 2013 Speak to me Laura
Jay
Please.
Don't hold on anymore.
I've wasted enough of your time.
It's just
not
meant
to
be.
You deserve far better
than the likes of me.
All I could ever give you is my words.
And I still promise I meant every one that I ever said.
But the soul can't live on letters and syllables alone.
And actions
surely must
speak louder
than words.

Please find somebody who can make you happy.
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