Exam time,
Stupid exam time
Think you're so formidable, do you?
Well I'm about to erase that
Leer off of that ugly face,
I'm going to grab you with
These hands covered in
Tired ink stains,
And mercilessly squeeze you
And extracting a handful words out,
I'll create a Poem out of you.
Oh, how much you'd hate that, right?
But yeah, that's what I'm going to do.

As I lay my head I try to sniff a shirt that I let you wear because your scent gives me such a comfort it makes me feel like you are near but from me you have disappeared for the time being
Sometimes it gets weird having too much room on my bed you know without having you pressing me into the 24-inch chunk of the bed that you leave me after you get nice and cozy
I just want to find my zen in the form of massaging my fingers through your hair to help me calm myself before a nights rest
I need your brown sugar kissed skin to serve as a heater to keep me warm whilst I dream until sunrise
But you are not here
Longing to hear the music you display while telling me about your day. Deeply saddened when you are too tired to speak our native tongue.
Peace is found when you are in my arms and all of the day’s harms matter no longer
Your smile helps my eyes adjust after turning down the lights
Your kisses serve as sleeping pills I must take them carefully or I can get myself hurt
The gentleness of your touch puts me under a spell that acts as a catalyst to the sleeping pill. “You are getting sleepy…”
I wish you were here
Now it’s 3:27 a.m and I have yet to seize my thoughts of you
I find you in my heart right where I left you anxiously waiting to sing me to sleep
So you are here …

I am sorry, there is no shame
Personalities are not the same
I know it's hard
Though my silence has re obtained its fame

The walls, they're okay
Some trust you will not play
And I need a lone guide
Will someone lead the way?

"You're different." you say
All that has left me strained
It's 5am, my dear
Something most familiar here

The dirt of all this
Restrained was our last kiss
Irrational this must be for me
I am ashamed of the emotions I've seen

Though when consideration runs hard
And our synchronized love I wish I've seen
The beat of the air makes me fear
And my heart looks very different tonight

Golden love grass attached to a lovely mold
Perfect marble I could hold
But I'm different as I've been told
And communication runs the sequence of the cold

you’re like an echo,
a pattern on a rug,
a wild rainstorm without the flood


I drew an X and O on a piece of bark 

with my red lipstick but I didn’t have the guts

to put it in your mailbox



that’s a true story

you met a *****

golden smile and legs

when we last spoke, I told you life was absolutely great

dishonesty gets the best of me
when really I’m alone here

trying to scrimp and save

every moment you and I have made

and I could die

that’s a sad story
and a true story

patterns
echoes
come back to me like a boomerang

I haven’t seen you in clarity
in a very long time

you’re like a horse race track
and I am galloping, number 9

running for dear life,
with blinders on the sides of my eyes


running to run, not
running to win, just
running for running
away

I never found it easy to stay
in one place
in my head, even in my heart
they’re fickle body parts

it’s easy to take one step too far away
it’s not easy to stay
it’s easy to regret anything
and I do all of these things over and over again

I’ll probably always thirst for distance
but if you need to,
you can find me in my garden, where I plant
a lot of thought
I’ll always hope that someday,
you’ll recognize your loss and look me in the eyes again

I’m like a hayseed
having a hard time surrendering to the wind
and I could die

still, maybe I am barefoot at your door
while the neighbourhood is asleep
drawing X’s and O’s on tree bark or two stick figures kissing
with sidewalk chalk

I dreamt you were with someone else
you drank lemonade and held hands,
a perfect summer romance

it made me want to die
it made me want to write you a letter and then burn it
but I decided to repress it all instead

I’m sorry for leaving
and then coming back
and then leaving again

and though I only saw you last week,
I haven’t seen you in clarity in a long time

it makes me lonely and when I feel lonely,
I speak to the sky
whispering secrets, you see,
it’s the only thing I can always speak to without lying

the truth is a fierce thing,
like wind can be,
it can be merciless
and I am just a hayseed
having a hard time surrendering to the wind

oh, the truth
it echoes, even in a field

or perhaps
just in my head

you can’t run away from the truth after you tell it to the sky
because the sky is everywhere,
always watching

always listening

always there

and that kind of makes me want to die

Getting over her was like rush hour. Everything moved so slow and all I could think about was coming home. I waited for her, you know? It was humiliating. For months I felt like I sitting at a booth - being stood up over and over again; until an apologetic face told me that they needed this table and I had to go.

I missed her so bad.

I would pour two drinks instead of one and I’d watch intently until the last drop of condensation slid down the glass onto the coaster. My friends told me it’d be okay but how could what I feel, eventually measure up to a four letter word that meant nothing? “Okay.” What does that even mean?

I wished. Every time I saw the number one appear four times on the clock, I wished. I wished so hard. Birthday candles only come around once a year and for the last two years I wasted them on the same person. I thought that saying the wishes out loud weren’t enough so I started writing them down. Every time I’d catch the clock and I’d write it down. I don’t think you realize how much love consumes you until you call shotgun and go along for the ride.

My sorrow became my badge of honor, my drug of choice and on the days I felt weak I knew wasn’t myself. I didn’t want to be this person. I don’t suggest it, either. And truth be told, I wouldn’t wish this kind of aching on anybody. But it happens. It happens so fast. One day you’re perfectly in love and nothing can touch you, the next you’re empty and you haven’t even had time to let it hit you. Everything keeps moving.

And while you’re pouring drinks for someone who isn’t coming, while you’re stuck in traffic waiting to get home safely, while you’re walking out of the restaurant waiting for valet..

There’s someone else pouring her drinks now, there’s someone else waiting for her at home and you know that the booth you had reserved 5 months earlier now houses their first date. It’s hard, you know?

Everything was so difficult. You never know how to say how you feel. You end up saying too much or not enough. You learn to turn it off. You’re just friends now. Friends? Yeah right. But you’re trying. I’m trying.

I hear her voice and my heart fills to the brim, I am home again. But reality strikes. It gets away from me for a minute. You feel everything you felt but the scenery has changed. Nothing is the same and it probably never will be and you soak it up, you drink it in. This is what has come of this. You put on your best dress, you cut your hair off, you change the color, you change everything they loved because you don’t want to be that person anymore. Being yourself reminds you of them. Being different reminds you of them. Feelings change. They change fast and the best thing that you can do is **** it up. Swallow it like that bitter pill and rinse that bad taste out of your mouth. You were in love, it consumed you and it made you whole but now it’s gone and you need to stop whining about what you’ve lost. Because you aren’t over it, you’re not even close but you’re telling yourself that. And when you tell yourself something enough it becomes true. So I wait in rush hour but I don’t go home. I go to restaurants but I don’t go alone and I pour two drinks and I give someone else one. I am okay, whatever that means.