I can't even begin to know where to start about life.
The depth of beauty and intricacy is this great big incredible- an infinite, infinite, infinite incredible. Sitting alone at home on my computer, trying to strike inspiration from one place or another, I always end up with a coffee in one hand contemplating how beautiful the wine glass to the left of my kneecap looks in the hue of light beaming in from the rainy grey bright- or I gaze outside and contemplate my warm protection from the cold and wet outside, wondering what would truly be better- this warmth? or the thrill of living and forced recognition of every step given by the airy forecast of the clouds wisping from my breath, breaching me from the shoe of my pants and the kneck of my shirt to caress the bare-skin of my spine and the calfs of my bony ankles?
and it's as if I have to choose, but I laugh when I realize they're both great big incredibles in themselves- the fluff of a book in my hand and a hot drink at my side as the floating water decides to come back to Earth- the melancholy of still-in-my-pajamas-and-this-is-one-of-only-two-days-off; the poetry of love and the poetry of loss and the poetry of all I desire to do but hold back- all of this brings me a comforting sadness. Life, life, life, life, life... thank you for loving me.

File my heart under fragile
For it hasn’t been handled with care for so long
That I forget it wasn’t made to withstand such torture
The brochure that came in the box said “no warrantee available”
And that didn’t seem a problem since it wasn’t too tangible
But that in no my made its protection manageable
See it has this defect where it attaches to people it deems loveable
But its assessments are usually miserable
The results of such endeavors seem ironically laughable
And in the end it sits in a stagnant pool of blood and tears
I stir it like a fool would, and drain it when its too full
But it doesn’t stop from making the same mistakes
This stupid piece of flesh I hate twists when I seem right as rain
Theirs no warrantee, no cash back, no trade
So what happens when it finally breaks?
Well its obvious and it gives me shakes
But I rake in all the love I can
Hoping to be a better man
Despite this heart that hurts too much
Trusts too much
That seems to be best at collecting dust
In hopes that I can keep it going as long as possible
Even through making attachments that aren’t too logical
For it could **** me to bear it
But I really wish to share it
So if I perish in the process, I guess its my fault
For putting it in harms way, when I really know better

You're in school now.
You're a big girl, you own the world, little princess!
You sit down.
You listen.
You learn.

You just learned how to walk,
learned how to speak your mind,
how to do what's right.

Now they teach you how to sit still,
teach you not to say what you want
how to shut your pretty mouth.

Is this what you came here for?
Is this what it meant when I told you you'd own the world now?

It is not, so much I can tell you.

I want you to tell me what is right or wrong.
I want you to tell me to be quiet and listen.
I want you to encourage others to be just like you.

Be an inspiration,
say what you have to say.

Be respectful,
treat others the way you want to be treated.

Learn to help others,
for you might need their help one day, too.

School is not all about 1+1=2
It's about learning who you are.
Learning what you can do.
What your little hands and your pretty smile
are able to move in this world.

I want you to be protected, safe.
But I have to learn now,
that
by giving you wings
I gave you the biggest protection I could think of.

Quaking with fear all day
as I was going to follow through
with plans to say what I believe to be true
and now to have my thoughts known to authoriy
to say it into the air in his private space
in the company of the protection
Tears could be squelched
I felt wobbly and drained but not defeated
The aftermath was solid ground, not road ****
A strange new world of dignity for myself

My knight in black armor
But I am no princess
I'm the snake your the charmer
I'm so wrapped in your sound
For eternity we'll be bound
I am your love slave
It's always me you save
With your love and affection
You shelter me with your tender protection
In my eyes I see no flaws only perfection
You rescue me
And I just wish you could see
How badly I want you
Forever and eternity.

Your lips tasted of blood, of iron
and accompanied by your ire soaked glare,
I trembled in wake of your presence
Though I never second guessed where your heart was
The scars on your chest, and the scratches on your flesh
left me with the notion that our part wasn’t timeless
Better judgement importuned-
That I recognize the imminent doom,
and take notice of the corrosion crippling my mindset
Hope overwrites logic
If the fabric of clarity shrouded me in protection
Then blindness tore through without hesitation
And I am ripped to shreds in the wake of the hydra

There is a special kind of alone that comes at night when things are quiet.
Beneath the drone of the tv,
Behind the beat of your music,
Beyond the pool of light in your kitchen
And just outside the glass of your windowpane.
It is the most insidious feeling I have ever experienced.
It is a silence that requires no cessation of noise.
It is a darkness that needs no lack of light.
It is an isolation that needs no absence of connection.
It is simply the time,
The force, almost tangible,
Of the night when you are utterly solitary no matter how hard you try to fight it off.
It is the feeling from which the loneliness so often felt by people who live alone springs.
For the only protection from such a feeling is the embrace of another person.
It is a primal thing, this hackle raising time of the night,
When all the clamor of human existence seems to stop,
To get far away as if behind thick glass.
It is born in us to fear it. I'm not sure why.
But it needs no help to be what it is.

So turn on your television. Crank up your favorite song. Blaze the lights. Shut the curtains.
But when you curl up on your couch with your legs tucked beneath you and try to relax, you will still feel hunted.
Which, to me, begs the question:
What used to hunt us?
What put in us the fear of that feeling?
What used to cut us off and find us alone in the dark?
Because instincts aren't in you for no reason.
We are the product of thousands of years of evolutionary success.
Someone tell me why that feeling persisted, if it's useless?

i.
Evil sleeps in an orchard
not far from here.
The apples sweat him out.
Dressed as god, the Sun
watches and nods.
He bleeds for them
out of his own mouth.


A god's mask
means protection.
But in time,
he will **** them dry.


And autumn will fall.
Postures will fall.
Pulses will fall,
like pills,
like poison.



ii.
A cloud forest
signals the first
of the shadows.


Summer is nocturnal.


A buttery Moon
leaves the world
warm and breathing.


The trees stir,
the stars hiccup,
and Nighttime climbs onto the birdbath
where it tells you all its tricks.



iii.
Evil blinks from a tree
where the apple skulls
intrude.
The garden combs you
through its arteries,
scooping
your midsummer grave.


A beautiful accident
closes in on itself.


And then a light like milk.
And then the whistling.



iv.
Summer whistles in the dark:
The sound of Evil kneeling
to the imagination
undoing him.


A deadly glow
becoming
a romance
on the white fences.


Nighttime draws dust
away from your shoulders,
translates Summer sound
and says,


You are your own harvest.


Your madness is only there
when you want it to be.

We went for a walk
Into town.
You told me a story
Just to pass the time.
I was quiet as I listened
While trying to figure out if this was just a dream.

We went for a walk
Into town.
You led us to different shops
But never stopped.
I smiled
Telling you about myself.

We went for a walk
Into town and back.
You finally stopped
And sat down in the park.
I sat next to you
But slightly apart.

We went for a walk
Into town and back.
You put your arm around me,
Pulling me closer.
I leaned against you
Trying to hide the motional war inside of me.

We went for a walk
Into town and back.
You leaned in for a kiss
Finding my lips, gently holding me tight.
I closed my eyes
As we disappeared in our own world.

We met up
All the time.
You held my hand
Silently promising your protection.
I told you my problems
Thinking I could lose myself with you.

We met up
All the time.
You would hold me tight
Seeming to never want to let go.
I opened up to you
Believing it would last.

We met up
All the time.
You were always there
Waiting just for me.
I saw a change in your eyes
But I didn’t say a word.

We slowly started to drift apart
Going our own separate ways.
You call every now and then
Asking me to meet up.
I sometimes give in and agree
Sometimes I listen to the confused mess that tells me to ignore you.

We slowly started to drift apart
Going our own separate ways.
You hurt me
Deep inside.
I wonder what
Was going through your head.

We slowly started to drift apart
Going our own separate ways.
You keep leading me
Never stopping.
I am still following you
When I should just let go.

We went for a walk
Into town and back.
We met up
All the time.
We slowly started to drift apart
Going our own separate ways.

Sometimes I wish
We were still together.
Sometimes I wish
You would just leave me alone.
Sometimes I wish
We had never met.

Sometimes I just wish…