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they  do not know the darkness

how the light can fade into latin

& all things unreasonable
no words to describe the mass,

the danger of it all, the hate  that

rises.

the parallel,

power house.

bone house.
you feel like two people
that one is split in two

that the other one does
look a bit like you
only more so
some comes shocking and hard

to bear

james.

fighting the predictions
while some are better than others

with brick paths and woollen sweaters

most come happy

some with old regional accents and a love of vegetables

all to remind of pleasant days up the back sitting on upturned buckets in the sun

we are starting a new episode having done the training

it came as a pandemic and not a choice

yet some of it worked out lovely
varying kinds
and ages

it dries and cracks if not stored with care

biscuit tins are useful
difficult knowing what to say

or whether to say anything

so bear whispers in my head

regarding the injustices, the

things not said

that he is now on a fifty pound note and being praised years on and no one mentions that he was treated like ****

ahem

that those coming here in fear will be treated like ****

ahem

what happened to the mantra on the sociables

to be kind

ahem

bear is ashamed to be of this country

prefers a different tribe
wonder if i shall write serious,

tell thee all  hard stories that

don’t exist. i wonder if i shall stop,

when no one reads.
it is a tangled affair
too many people talking at once

it is a messy affair
paint smudges and runs

eventually all comes clear
one having the final say on board

predictions come and disappear
quickly as the local planes

sometimes heard
not seen
here

there is a small airfield up along
the coast

once the airship came
we drove to watch

it go over

heavy

days of our life

james

days of our lives
i slept late

due to the covers
have been looking,
for my breaking heart,
boxed
for anniversaries,
and having a good day.

i find a note that says
i am a magician,
and how.
should that dot be approved
and how about the predicted?

we came here early with many thoughts and remnants of the dream
walking further put up a heron
and while watching saw the
white egret
and a double decker bus
there seems to be a satisfying nature
in sawing and chopping wood

providing warmth and safety

for oneself
for family

i like sawing a lot

the action
watching the dust fall

laughing as it cuts through

a piece falls to the ground
to be gathered later

for whatever task is intended

we have a metal incinerator in the garden
as you know and only burned garden stuff

not used so much now the recycling centre

is back open
with organisation and printed labels

so very pleasing for some
a chore for others

they recycle most things
except the plastic bags

they go elsewhere

we have orange juice sometimes
instead of elderflower

all things refreshing
do you ever dream of a place
where you were so unhappy

that you have to go back
forcibly

do you ever wake up late
your neck hurting

like heck

do you console yourself that it
is winter

dark and to be expected
occasionally

do you still feel guilty
anyhow

some do

some are glad it was just a dream
ideas ,
allelujas of creativity.

let the change come slowly,


join the group.
yet when
she said my friend looked pretty
&
that I smelled nice
I sagged a little.

later that day
i found a message
request
from a soldier in the usa
holding a puppy & a rose
calling me a beauty
bird in hand is drawn
rules to guide us

with stars above that have no points
at all
yet each one has a story
( notes on darkness) more fairy lights is all that is needed, radio music, and padding about really….
some things fade with time,
with sun and washings.

this one remained bright,
even glaring
slight insertion of trees
with green
then the area comes more profound

the air cleaner
into the wild wood

feet plant into earth

again

skin sharp with lingered  frost

dust motes sing my heart high
the word came involuntarily,
others were stuck, yet i knew
them to be beautiful, and
so they are.

powers and dominions,
virtues
initially, crossed the  sea to the land, from one to another, then, talking. crossed the narrow bridge spoke of the past, you know what i mean.                                                                    

  courage to walk

away
speak those words, templar, that i cannot say.

another time, another place
maybe I should write beautiful

lilting stuff again with rhymes and things

like people seem to like


or tragic dark long stories

of dreadful deaths

and mourning

as before


today will say it would have been

an anniversary

for what that is worth


he asked me the year

and surprised that i remembered


of course i miss them

just pretending to be a hard *****
we have such unimportant work
here, that needs not be done.

today, another power house installed,

i have to let some things go
now, yet the this remains.
wrap the house around you, then                            leave it.   out into the only world you know.   anxiety  comes with           the unfamiliar.                                         they call down the chimney.

so i will go back.   look at the buildings. two museums hiding,.               look at the buildings,

this is a mill town.
have missed a day or so here
being busy with organising things

for something

and being out of work

while working here

forgot to write
so sorry and everything

our government is *******
things are falling apart

eating pies is a good idea

14.21
maybe it came across preachy

and was not intended so



it was the sound of the guns that startled

my day

then on being told that birds were the target
was sad



don’t mind what other folk eat at all

especially those on tug hill
over there



today i ate toast and honey that dripped

down my pyjamas



how are things?
think i heard a night jar

up the valley here.

it was a quiet night except

for that.

we have the window open now.
i had not thought that way yet when i do
that fearful memory comes to mind with
words I cannot say
here today

let us move forward and learn

to change things about kindly
to place items carefully
with purpose and peace

to observe

there comes five beings
with verve and caring

no wings to show
should we listen james?
talk goes on all day, about the heat,
the rain and drizzle,
no thoughts on the shipping
forecast. words red, remembered.

the bird, the boy, the machine,
there is only air between.
talk goes on all day, about the heat,
the rain and drizzle,
no thoughts on the shipping
forecast. words red, remembered.


the bird, the boy, the machine,
there is only air between.
no mention of gains or fortitude
some may look for the other one
some may find it

while the little people with their arms held high
dance in the sunlight with all that remains
the village remembered

there were blue skies

we went by bus
had it all been different i may
have taken further education
you know.
tell us things, take us without consent. there are no records
tell us things, take us without consent. there are no records
i think my work,
my soul
is in
my chest.
so you wake and hear the sound

then change your plans


arrow the tasks forward

then check the website and do not amend

accept the substitutes or refunds


move the car up

open the gate carefully so it does not break

again


these are little things


some of you out there are suffering

and how can I help?


the bear sighs and turns over
two cakes sound better than my none

here then it is not my birthday yet

i had bread and butter pudding for after
to use up the bread
disliking waste
and liking dessert

I would of said pudding
yet it spoiled the line

break

two eggs and add the milk
to soak the bread with butter

and sultanas

some things are unavailable so
asda man brings substitutes

like rocket instead of rocket
we are to have a refund if

found unsuitable

imagine the log deposited with flood
water

a whale beached
i said and she agreed

imagine if I had cake
and it might be chocolate
with thick sticky sauce
and bits in it

i imagine I should like that
and eat it all
asked me who will be afraid of our ghosts

ghosts of humans
when we are gone
once again is monday

no work no more, on furlough

with punctuation


used to go on sundays

and other days as needed


we closed in the winter reopened in march

and then locked down that same month


so at home we work in the house and garden

the studio

as needed


i used to work as a holiday reserve

on various tasks as required

then left and moved to wales


we still keep in touch

as needed
now you know that the bird has died

and her wish was to preserve it somehow

that was yesterday

she had balanced it on a cotton reel, you know the old wooden ones with red thread.

this balancing thing

started years ago

in childhood, a game. later life a habit, a meditation.

she watched others, the artists balancing stones

copied , then balanced all sorts, soaps. boxes, anything really.

perhaps it is a control thing she supposed as she balanced the bird.

today

it stays easily. she looks a long time, takes her phone

and photographs.

looks, looks

adds objects.

photographs .

waits for dusk, for the light to change

lowers and photographs. a different app and repeat

another photograph.

skulls .

there are a lot of skulls down here in the studio. a few any way. she is prone to her own excitement and exaggeration.

bird skulls found, placed, kept, some  under glass domes.

her father had done that now she follows his lead.

she remembers the time he had placed a mouse corpse under a bell jar to see how that worked

he was dismayed at the decay and mildew; the stench when he lifted that jar.

his experiment a failure.

she feels it is a still life.
you sent me seeds


it was your handwriting pleased me

your careful letter to advise patience

that most things happen in time


do you remember when i wrote to you

all in patterns and hints of a rhyme?


planted them five to a ***

some round the sides with one in the middle


then I finished the painting
you would not come back

except for visits

you came again in auto fill

last evening sat alone

we still cannot understand

there is no explanation for that

nor what you did

you are a ghost to us now

fading

we watched it on tv

you thought we were broken

yet we watch you solidly, bravely like joan

with just one comma throughout

we no longer come ragged

we watch you leave

i

tell you this

there are some do not believe


will not sleep while others will

and some


wish to be invited

some photos show nothing
as does the work i produce

yet it means something if
you go to look

properly
in white

a mirrored door

all tidy in lockdown

and though it was bought expensive

placed inside it is lost to me now

so use one of the others in the morning

and throughout the day

felt something amiss as we banged into fatigue and slept one hundred years

crusty lipped we search for blistex

then

traditionally use the vaseline
good to get out

good to have company 


i expect 


things will feel brighter now

especially these dark mornings


in the surgery  the colour of the day

was green with yellow dispensers 

around


she found it enlivening while focusing

on the map of the world 

thought she could have written

world map 

yet

the pattern went wrong


later  she helped him shove the leaves

in the neighbouring bins as he proclaimed

he would indeed take all the blame

it became an interesting

heartening day yesterday

and

the bear slept sound
should like a big wooden fence
for to hide behind

away from the hedge police and others

mine is metal
the broken bits with wire

and hate sanding with a vengeance.

did you make it?
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