Life should come with
A set of rule for the ******* outcasts
Like me, I'm walking
In the night with my mind trashed

Music mumbles modify
How I'm perceived by others
This is the real me
And also see me like this but worse

At least in the streets,
I can show my true colors
Not a smart nice guy,
But a lonely pathetic lover

It's not worth the ruse
Since everyone sees past it
I should just quit it
And start bringing out my assets

I can feel bad for me,
I can do music,
I can write words down
And I always try to prove it

But that's just online
So far from the real me
Now I'm just convinced
That I'm lost in my poetry

Every poem's unresolved
Just like my understanding
Of who I am and what I'm want,
This life's a crash landing

I built the plane midair,
I love it, and now it's crashing
Thank god I'm sole passenger
So nobody else I'm dragging

At this point, I'm convinced
The birds flew by that knew me best
Were right when they said *******
And leave me alone for the rest

Of my lovely life,
don't poison it, toxic
Unrelenting loser!
Ok, stop, I've got it.

Everyone else
Must just see my failings
Because they try a sample
And their expression never fails me

It's always slightly disgusted,
Looking for the nearest exit
And if people like me,
They take my heart to break it

Simple kindness touches me
And I cry over acknowledgement.
Somewhat cuz I love it,
And also because I'm lost in

The thought that they want me,
And then they're going to leave me
Just hurry up and leave me
Abandon me freely

Any sign of trust
Won't be taken with a grain of salt
This doesn't matter much
But I'd do anything to take it all

Treat me like a human being
Friend, I'm addicted
It only takes one or two words
And I'm in the clouds, lifted.

That's why I walk at night
Can't sit at home, Netflix
I just walk around obnoxiously
Hoping I'm somehow destined

To find fulfillment outside,
Amongst the lovely people.
Stop judging me, want me,
And I might stop turning evil.

Everything you love,
There will a time or a moment
When it is the last time you will embrace it,
By listening to it,
By playing it,
By watching it,
By saying, "I love you.",
By holding it,
Or by just loving it,
There will be one last time.

Everything you hate,
Will only torment you
One last time
Before it is gone forever.

Everything you have ever loved and will ever love
Will enter your life.
This moment is beautiful and confusing,
Fascinating and exciting,
Stimulating and challenging,
Unique and free.
Let the love be.

I don’t do everything right,
I don’t even come close
I just get to life a blessed life
Way more fortunate than most

I can’t believe the roads I’ve taken
Enable me to find myself.
I can’t believe how much love I’ve awakened
In addition to love that’s been in me since before I could spell.

My life is so generous
My life is not without pain
But I’m lucky enough to be able to think
And learn so much and thus, from my suffering, gain.

I won’t ever go back to trying to conform
I might even abandon the thought of being sane
What a great way to avoid all the people
I don’t want to speak to, like, not that I’m saying

I’m better than them, because I’m truly not
But with nice conformers, I tend to get bored,
The truth is my favorites so far have bad qualities
But I love them for them and I never feel bored

And I try to explore them and anyone open
Enough to show me what’s happening inside
And for people who’s lives have taught them to have caution
I understand there are many reasons to hide

But before I die, one of my selfish missions
Is to go all out and be a total freak
And despite the repercussions of loving the weird stuff,
I’ll be a magnet for people who’re unique

I aspire to help them, aspire to amuse,
Aspire to connect, aspire to obtain
So many beliefs and opinions from others
That there’s no way I won’t be a contradictory freak

Opposing viewpoints, I already have many
And in some ways, then, I am becoming nothing
I want to embrace both sides of many passions
And in the passion pit, I’ll come out dressed as something

Amorphous, accepting, and hopefully helpful
Since I live to serve and I live to entertain
And if nothing else, I’ll keep building and building,
Overthinking thoughts just to muddle my brain

And I’m blessed for a million reasons, ****** for none,
No more ****** than the luckiest guy
I’m free and I love you and I’m so imperfect
And I don’t care, thank you, nothing really to hide

I am everything definitely

Around the world, my brothers and sisters move through time with me

Around me, the matter compliments me by absorbing my spirit, reflecting my light and containing my minerals

Within me, pure wholehearted emotions wrestle, while my essence contains them and burns consistently and ferociously

Without me, the elements move and shine in their own ways, and I am but another collection

I have always been
I am
I will always be

Everything

More or less, I am nothing

From dusk till dawn, hope of fulfillment desperately disappears and only distraction or unconsciousness can carry me through the night

If I start with nothing and fill myself with regret, then what will become of me if my only goal is to correct my past?

Only distraction and chase can fuel me. But then I can only aspire to be nothing

Hold on to the mixing bowl
Let the spoon change your place
Forfeit all control
Before you're stuck in place

Exist here and there
Let your guard down
Exist everywhere
Go another round

When you're with the A's
Don't forget the Q's
Learn from everyone
Let them affect you

There's a whole world out there for you
you've gotta unfurl before you're blue

Following the lines
Living the lies
Doing what you're told
Makes the mold

Dip your body in
Different swimming pools
Keep one social group
Is an awful rule

Moldy barriers
Oppress vividness
All these different folks
Combat my emptiness

I don't really care
About how it sounds
I love everyone
Never lets me down

There's a whole world out there for you
you've gotta unfurl before you're blue

Following the lines
Living the lies
Doing what you're told
Makes the mold

I ran up on a trash can
Deposited my best clothes
Withdrew my new wardrobe
Interesting info
Generic attire
That's my heart's desire
Nobody to hide from
Indicates my income
Walk up to my best friend
Laying back in class
With these special provisions
I can access the masses
Appearance is my key card
Greeting is the scanner
Response gives me feedback
Green light for the answer
Different people different things
That's what I want to do
Mindset differences
Make my dreams come true
I love to be around
People who are not like me
then I live a different life
Vicariously
Not through the tv
Interactivity
I might ask how do you be
Now I'm free to see the keys
Every one is unique
Musically
And the unique keys I see
Are all music to me

Following the lines
Living the lies
Doing what your told
Makes the mold

Instead of wrestling around here
And chasing my dreams and fleeing from fears
Maybe I'll run out of breath and stop
At a high altitude mountain top.

Maybe instead of stockpiled art
And information, and all these parts,
I can clear my mind for a long time
And work through the stigma in my mind.

The fears, though all are self-inflicted,
Also can name society as their derivative.
What do they think, what will they think,
Will I ever escape society's brink?

Etc...before me, such a plethora
Of options of routes to go down.
And they are just detours along the walk
That many people tread, and very few balk.

Should I trudge on? Should I sulk?
Smiling so much, acting so false?
Or should I just go on and take it all off?
And seek my own personal mountain top?

There's too much invested, too much to lose
But who knows what's worth keeping.
Everyday, I put on my shoes,
And my heart keeps on beating.

I put on the right attire
To explore muddy waters
Expectation, heart on fire
Reality, quite a bother

Nothing greater than muddy waters
What I saw was what I got
No feelings that took me farther
No feeling, I am not

Tried to look down to the bottom
Only for a glance
Couldn't look beyond the surface
Couldn't give it one more chance

Peering into muddy waters
They flow, but passively
If I were lost in muddy waters
My worst would get the best of me

Walking through, enduring
My shoes still weigh me down
This excursion couldn't cure me
In fact, I could have drowned

One foot up, one takes the pain
Of withstanding my weight
My one journey through muddy waters
Was just part of my fate

They left a bad taste in my mouth
No toothbrush can address
Strength of spirit went low, south
Was meant to ease the stress

No time to think, for muddy waters
Constantly seek your gaze
If ever there was a lost soul
Muddy waters, he gave praise

******* me down, I lose control
Where would you think I am?
All of this pressure, total toll
I feel I must say, ****

Left you behind to go explore
Thankfully there is so much more
To life than what you offer me
Try as you might, but I am free

I won't look back, sorry to you
That, I can do without
I'm something pure, through and through
And now I have no doubt

Carry empathy
Cure empathy

Short circuits in my brain strain my mind to keep me alive
Music that flows through daily skipping, less meaning is derived
Less meaning derived, anxiety comes alive
Face to face with reality with no place to hide

No place to hide since music is the shelter
I want to hide away but my community swelters
If you're integrated, then you soon become needed
So that you can have an excuse to keep out of the deep end

The barrier that separates the best from the sad
Is a melody driven by emotion and cultural fads
It's a fine line with a really strong cadence
That I march to, resulting in a semblance of patience

I wade through the water, and it's crystal clear
As I go in deeper, less people are near
When it's up to my neck, that's when I hear my songs
Lovers of music would even say I'm using it wrong

When I hear the songs, they make me turn around
No, you're not alone, yeah, we're all that down
Hypnotizing music forces me out of the deep end
Heading back to community, trying to make amends

In the water, expectations regulate what you see
Like it says on the schedule, this is where I should be
When I look in your eyes, you look at me the same
We both signed up, but are we pawns of the game?

Either way it's secure, swimming with all the fish
But opening up my mind causes aquatic drift
So how can I feel while staying on the inside?
Is it easier to just be blind?

Where this all leads to is hard to say
So I survive by sensations I enjoy day to day
It's fairly methodical and it feels so clean
Which is logical for musical media machine

Like me

I love music
Music is magical, shared, heard, experienced, but best of all is the creation of music
Love too is magical whether it is created, experienced, heard, but best of all is when it is shared
I love you

I love York
My hometown is often criticized, but there's no place I'd have rather grown up because I have seen more love in York through others than I ever thought I could through teachers, parents, and strangers
You are criticized, but don't worry about what they say. I have seen you and through the good and the bad, no one can deny it,
I love you

I love air
As I breath the air that keeps me alive, every breath controls me in the way that it distributes it's fruits of nature to my lungs
As I perceive your radiant essence, it is only then that I truly live as your ways move me in ways that keep me alive
I love you

I love media
It is the constant distraction in my life that helps me cope through hard times and though it is time wasted, it is nothing more than a waiting room for good things to come
And the good things are seeing you and watching you learn and grow and develop, for loving you is the best way I have ever spent my time and that will never change
I love you

I love parents
Parents are brave, there is nothing more that needs to be said
You are brave, for being yourself and though you may not sense it, waking up and being you for the whole day and learning what you may or may not and expressing yourself in my presence, that is what I love about you
I love you

I love laughter
They say it is the best medicine, but I don't know that for sure. It is great how it is universal and it brings us happiness and it is brilliant in many ways for reasons unknown,
But my love for you is my best medicine. It doesn't matter what it is, seeing you and being with you makes me feel better anytime
I love you

I love exercise
Sure it's hard, sure it ***** sometimes! But it's rewarding every time, that I can say with the utmost confidence
And life! Sure it's hard, sure it ***** sometimes! But I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for living it because since you're here it is possible for me to tell you that
I love you

I love laziness
I have it! I have enough to go around and sometimes I wish I didn't but at the end of the day, it is part of who I am and I fight it happily every day
Sometimes you wish you didn't have a lot of things, but all of those things that you wish you didn't have, are just more reasons that
I love you

I love omniscience
Knowing everything that there is to know, is there a greater fantasy? It is unfathomable and frightening
And I am equally frightened by how much I love you, because sometimes I feel like it is too much because I cannot control the feeling that
I love you

I love vegetarians
I love you for being brave enough to fight the good fight and save some lives in an important and practical way by sacrificing the consumption of meat to save animals
And I've seen you make sacrifices too, don't think I haven't. Well at this point, it's not really a secret that
I love you

I love equality
There's no other way I'd rather see
There's no other way I'd rather see
I love you

I love poetry
Putting nothing more than feelings into text as I am right now is not only relieving, but it is when I feel almost completely alive, but not fully, because poetry is second to
The love I feel for you. Seeing you move and watching you be is when I feel most alive, for the fire that burns inside me for you is when I feel completely alive definitely.
I love you

I love olives
Though they are disliked by many, a select few in our world have the taste to appreciate the brilliant taste they possess
There are few in this world who love you absolutely too, but be sure that I am one of them
I love you

I love egos
Egos, superegos, the arrogant and the entitled, they may be self-centered but **** it! No matter how condescending they are, I can't help but admire their confidence
You deserve to be that confident because in my eyes you're just as good as they think they are
I love you

I love teachers
Teachers are givers and they have the most courage out of any of us because it takes guts to deem yourself worthy to be a role model in front of impressionable students and then proceed to educate them which is the greatest gift you can give
And the greatest gift that you give is sometimes what you teach, but more what you contribute through your presence, your words, your actions, your effect on everything
I love you

I love repetition
Change is the only constant in the universe, but repetition? Well, it's nice to have some consistency too, something that I can really grab on to
The things that you do consistently are great, but the way you strive to make change and change yourself is the greatest reason that
I love you

I love you
Could you have guessed? You're the light of my life, my reason for living, and travelling through time with you is my greatest privilege or blessing or gift or whatever you want to call it but you keep me going.
I have felt this way about everyone I've met and I have no reason to believe that I love everyone this way.
I hope you enjoyed my love poem to you, who experienced my poem, and until I meet someone who this poem doesn't apply to, this poem will live on
I am nothing more than a poet and a lover. My love is so strong and unconditional that there is no doubt in my mind that you, the one who is experiencing this poem, are loved by me, no matter what you've done, I forgive you and I love you. So thank you and never forget, you who is loving me by hearing my words, don't forget this:
I will love you forever

From my window, I glance at my yard
a picket white fence, and my amazing dog.
He runs, he plays, chases and weaves
Wishing to be outside the fences he sees

He's never known much of the outside world,
he's lived his whole life in the gates of pearl
Most of his time is spent wishing to be free,
but the only one who can set him free is me.

He bites and howls at the fences of white.
They never budge, simply out of spite.
They serve only one purpose, to keep the dog in,
standing to ensure his life never begins.

I have on occasion let my dog roam,
he doesn't miss us, this is not his home.
The times he roams are the best of his days
I can tell he is happy, in an absolute craze.

But as do most things, it comes to an end
Upon me to catch him, he can always depend
So back into the white prison he goes.
He's comfortable there, it's all he knows.

I get mad at him, he known not what about
All he ever thinks of is ways to get out
Someday perhaps the fences will fall,
my dog could run and play, give joy to all

But until then, he'll remain inside
having nothing but hopes and ounces of pride
Do I have the power to allow him to leave?
Why should I not, he needs to be free.

There's a reason I can't, it wouldn't be right
I know he's safe here, he stays day and night.
Is it worth the risk? Would he remember me?
The final escape; his true destiny

I approach the fence for one last time,
inside this yard, inside my mind
Prepared to let my sweet dog run
Hand on the latch: four, three, two, one...

The latch doesn't move, it's stuck in place
I have no control over this eternal race
I am my perception, as was from the start
My fence is my mind, my dog is my heart.

We don't always get the poems that we want.
Sometimes we get the poems that we need.
Sometimes we get poems we can only read once.
Sometimes we write poems and the words bleed

Through the page or shine through the screen
Because they let us admit to ourselves we have low self-esteem
Although we have self love and it all doesn't mean,
It just lives inside us, surviving feeding on dreams

All the words I write, hundred poems I've rambled
Instead of playing more games, instead of flipping more channels,
I write these words for you in an attempt to light a candle
To ever so slightly brighten your life that you CAN handle

Poetry, words, arrangements, collections
All brought together by love and affection,
Various sorts, but the ones most prominent
Are the ones that I feel that are also ominous

Like I just want to write, and it feels sort of dark
And the words sometimes shed light by breaking my heart
And taking what I thought I knew, and then tearing that apart
But from the breaks I grow, the breaks where I make art

Although it's hardly art to me, I still sit and write
I might as well when all my other acts yield nothing, slighted.
No offense to them, but they're not always invited
To the space inside my heart because they don't yield products

More often than not, I'm just a simple consumer
Trying to amuse or numb myself with the fastest lights, sooner
And once the lights turn out, I turn off and sleep
And inside me, something really deep cries out,

It asks me, "What do you make? Who do you help?
What do you save? Where's your progress? What have you done?
Do you have any answers? Do you even have one?"
Yes. I just write poems and try to help people,
And it feels pretty good sometimes.

All of the words I say push people away
More nails in more coffins every day
Words out of my mouth tainted with tooth decay
Flying through the air, grinding, I ruminate

Playful commentary sans meaning
Meaning to be playful, sounding freezing
Seeing people playful, pleasing easily
Wishing perfect people could be me

Moment in the spotlight
Moment turns out not right
Hoping for an assist or a solution
Trying to be winning, feeling losing

Thanks, Hello Poetry! :)

1.
I'm sorry for your Pain
Surely it has made your scared
And surely not all of it is fair
But know it's only in your mind
And it makes you one of our kind
I'm sorry for your Pain

I'm sorry for your Allergies
or any other problems
Disease is unjust as this life
And those that aren't undone
Can take life as quick as it comes
Or faster, it some cases
I only hope that my disease
That unto yours, erases
I'm sorry for your Allergies

I'm sorry for your Inequality
If I had one and you had two
I'd walk right up and say thank you
If you had two and I had one
It would not be, I would just run
But, Oh! I lament that it is so
For I have all, and I do know
People in our world fight to live
People in our world fail to live
Simple differences account for some
Tell me how you have come undone
Into a world in which our fear
Makes people want to not be here
I love you more, but that's not now
I cannot express, infinitely how
I'm sorry for your Inequality

I'm sorry for the Night
If ever it is dark outside
And you feel under pressure
Believe that darkness is alright
Believe that there is love in the absence of the light
You cannot see, but I love it
Darkness is who I am
Darkness is why we have some light
Darkness is what I am
And you are light, well, it is so
Always in my own eyes
Without darkness, if only light
There would be no surprise
I'm sorry for the Night

I'm sorry for your Misconceptions
Gradual pain lacking detection
Though you can't feel it, it isn't right
Behold what keeps me up at night
Money, fear, and imitation
All electronic stimulation
It's all vanity for let me say
It shouldn't really be that way
Arrows point you along the lines
To blind you from what you can find
I won't change you, you're independent
I'm sorry for your Misconception

I'm sorry for your Orders
I'm sorry since they make
You do for others, but listen now
It's surely a mistake
Collaboration makes us whole
Orders tear us apart
Doing for them will make your life
Begin to fail to start
Only do for others if they would do for you!
And if you do for others, do it also for you
For those who blindly follow feel so found, but are so lost
And acting for others all your life has an infinite cost
I'm sorry for your Orders

I'm sorry for your Violence
It's not right for us to fight
To use anger to express spite
People who hit surely don't know
What you would say, though it is so
I've heard you say it's not deserved
I've seen you ignore what you've heard
When you are hurt is my worst fear
I hope in your heart, I am near
For this message will take you through
And make a free person of you
I'm sorry for your Violence

I'm sorry for your Ego
Now, I'm glad you have some pride
We are all the same and you will know
This, if you look inside
There's no reason to feel as though
You're above or below
We are all made of dust of stars
And if you look, it shows
However, if you stand above
And you do so not out of love
I suspect that you may not see
That I am you, and you are me
I hope we come together so
We can all love and hear,
If we compromise our egos,
We shall be free of fear
I'm sorry for your Ego

I'm sorry for your Sadness
Though it does have a function
It may halt you from progressing
At an emotion junction
Oh, how I feel! How I struggle
To see you being sad
But I move on, for I do know
This sadness should be had
Sadness can never be deserved!
And at times, it's not right
But as sadness is like the dark,
Our love can be the light
So when you fall remember this,
From the bottom of the cup
As love fills up your spirit now
The water goes right up!
In this moment, please have no fear
Please fight to carry on
The sadness will be what saves you
Unless you're already gone
I'm sorry for your Sadness

Though I want you to have no pain,
Sorry, it isn't right
You now have oh, so much to gain
For let me shed some light:

2.
I'm not sorry for your Understanding
For since you clearly see
You understand our culture, here,
and you understand me
Oh, how I fight! Oh, how I seek!
I live to understand
Understanding does bring
And as it enhances my mind
It does a greater thing
It gives me my most sacred power
Which is to empathize with you
It makes it so I know what's false
And what I love, that is what's true
Understanding is all I need
To make this life complete
I look at you and understand
What it's like to walk in your feet
And what a majestic time it is!
To see someone and know
That all I've done and all they've done
Have led us here, to where we go
To meet and see each other's love
And burn each other's fear
When you help me understand you
Is truly only when I hear
I'm not sorry for your Understanding

I'm not sorry for your Sorrow
Even if regret can harm
Regret can consume your entire life
Or compromise your charm
Yet here, know this! You open up
When you apologize
And if you knew what it really was
It would be a surprise
Your sorrow is so humble
Your sorrow shapes your life
So long as sorrow teaches you
And please, without a knife
The function is for you to learn
To correct a bad fate
And now, all you need to do
Is not repeat mistakes
And please be free! For beyond that
Sorrow is but a waste
Take what the sorrow teaches you
And then, before it's too late,
Forget the pain, and do move on
It can be hard, I know
But once you love with what you've learned
The efforts of your sorrow show
I'm not sorry for your Sorrow

3.
Laterally and downward
Crazily like a pup
This is only what you expect
But it is only up

Like a madman scribbling
Or a child bored in class
Pain drags us along for a crazy ride
As if we have no mass

But listen here! Because I love
I can tell you why
Your pain just makes you beautiful!
Your pain just makes me cry

All of my new found perceptions
Enhance my life tenfold
But what you hear is born of pain!
I'm so warmed by the cold

And judge me not, but understand
I love the pained, the hurt
I love them more for their presence
Is such a wonderful work

I will plainly continue and say that your pain makes you beautiful. When I speak to my brothers and sisters who are mentally challenged, homosexual, or any other type of minority, I feel so loved and lucky to be in their presence because I know they had to fight harder to get to a point that they could look into my eyes and smile through their adversity. Pain has brought me gratitude!! Because since my pain made me isolated, so much as an acknowledgement makes me feel so loved. Pain has brought me perception!! Because I see the same gratefulness in others and it makes me understand that we all love those who share our pain. And along those lines, most importantly, pain brings us together. You should embrace your pain and wear in on your shoulder since you fought through it, you earned it, and by sharing it with others, we find what we truly have in common. Every person who shares their pain let's the struggling brothers and sisters know they are not alone! Pain is darkness, but by letting people know their pain is not abstract, we shed light unto their pain and we all love each other better and more productively.

I lost control, but just know this
Beauty is only pain
And from sharing the pain you have
Such love you have to gain!

All I see are painters
Every person there
Painters with intentions
Consequential but fair

1.
When I see you paint
It's beautiful, but yet
Your path oriented format
I fear you may regret

You paint it like Picasso
You effort surely shows
But strikingly, of painting
You really do not know

Thought wonderful and unique
And more positive words
The paintings true potential
Is quite often obscured

You paint not from the heart
But solely from the mind
You paint based on the model
Of those who you do find

Every word is merely advice
Add some more red, more blue
Before you know what's going on,
Your friends have painted you

So even if you hold the brush
When you follow advice
You might become one of them
And then you won't think twice

And if you do, you'll come to find
Female name and male name
Just modeled for you, all the while
You traced them, such a shame

For it was you who was the painter
And you were also the model!
At least you have a bunch of friends
For whom you did not coddle

All is not lost, for in the end
You do look just like one of them!
And by surrendering to their fear
They are never far, and you're not weird

2.
When I try to paint myself today
I can see the results are true
But when you see me paint myself
I've made a giant out of you

I paint not for myself, but yes
It is just what I seek
I paint so I can become strong
And your advice will never tweak

Fancy myself a model too
For those who can to glance
But what's the point if beyond a moment
I don't have a second chance?

Should I have painted you instead?
Well it wouldn't have worked
The only doubt I have right now
Is do I fit, or do I irk?

I love to follow my heart instead
Of modeling after you
But what's the point if I am one
And you often have two or more?

For acting so independently
I'm reaping what I sow
If I painted myself away
How would anyone know?

Well it's not that I can really stop
I can only lament
It's great, sure, but in the end
I am here, and I vent

The road to peace is narrow
But still, it must be wide
My efforts are not private
But even still I hide

So though I love to continue
Sometimes I feel to stop
Would allow me to find others
And then I'd be on top

Your painting was obscured but now
You have a lot of friends
My painting is so clear and here
I am at my wits end

I will not stop, I love myself
I'll paint until I die
And though I feel alone today
We might eventually know why

What am I for?

I once had a dream that changed me.
Not only was the dream pivotal and perplexing
The dream altered who I was as a man.
My whole life I later found was artificial
In the sense that I was trapped in a body
And the body was trapped in a cycle.
After exiting my vehicle one Wednesday afternoon
I was homebound and I don’t remember much
And then the dream began.
I wish I could tell you more, but I can’t.
All I remember was how I felt in that moment
There were feelings around me that entered me somehow
Happiness, fulfillment, and spirit
It was a state of tranquility and nirvana
There was music playing, I just saw things I loved
Did things I wanted to do, I was myself forever
But the strange part of this dream
Is that it never ended.

Drugs make me high
People make me higher
People who’ve tried both
Might think that I’m a liar,

But it’s a definite conclusion
No additional pondering required
People soak me in water
And set my mind on fire

Trapped inside this cold small place
Alone with thoughts and feelings
And within my mobile prison, I have now been ensnared
In a more literal prison, a place with frigid air

How can it be, I can never be free
Of the memory of pain and regret
When I get out, I'll run about
But I have not left yet

Sometime in the distant future
I'll be given another chance
At trying to lead a real life
Hold the average societal stance

When I escape, I'll fly away
And find somewhere to hide
I won't be back, but I'll still have
These feelings behind these eyes

Once long ago, there was a place
Too comfortable to recall
I felt at ease, and I could see
An open door next to a wall

But in this cold reality
The door only opens when
The rulers choose to come about
And free me from my pen

When you walk into a little store
And spend some money on an item
If somebody gladly does this chore,
Does that mean that you should then like them?

Are their eyes a clever trap
That advertises their workplace?
Are they making you come back
By placing a smile on your face?

Can a stranger enjoy providing to
Someone who’s manipulating their skill?
For them, this kindness may not be new.
It might be their simple natural will.

Is kindness born of gratitude?
Are workers grateful to their flock?
Are jokes common and blank stares few?
Is this unique or is it not?

Am I worthy of this kindness
Or have I stolen offered grace
By acting like a normal person
And going to a normal place?

I can't just pretend to be cool and put together, when I'm needy and I need you

If I were really cool, a perfect case of what people want,
I'd act like a fool to draw people in
I'd use my mannerisms as a clever fetching tool,
And reap the rewards of my good intent.

When I realize how I'm evil inside,
The greatest sin would be to mask that.
If I drew you in under a set of lies,
Would you be water, and I'd be a hand-woven basket?

An amateur trapeze artist,
You might take a leap of faith onto me
I'm a safety net with a huge gaping hole
And if the light is right, you might not see

The big gaping hole you're about to fall through
Quick! Someone turn on the lights
Illuminate with truth and love
And turn away those wrong or right

It matters not how adaptable you may believe yourself to be,
If there's a big hole you fall through,
You better look for a tree!

Or a close friend to cushion the fall,
My gaping hole knows no repair
You can run away and think of me not at all,
I wouldn't even care.

I might long to be with you,
That longing might be months or years,
But what if you stayed and let me hurt you more?
That's really my greatest fear.

I always say let there be light!
Embrace my whole, don't look away.
See me for what I am inside
And consider what might be at stake.

Is there enough of me in you
That you know how it is to need?
Is there enough of you in me
That I can conform easily

And take what I have, and **** it out,
Give a sales pitch every word I speak?
And then the truest inner self
Would just be who I want to be?

I'm not like that, the me I aspire for
Is within me, but that's my appearance.
The me I fear and hide you from
Is over there on clearance.

Ask what I can do right,
And get charged an enormous amount
Ask me what I can do wrong
The price, in cents, on your fingers, you can count.

It's all for sale! It's all for the better,
Me showing you what's what in here.
If you don't drown, you'll be much wetter
When you experience what I fear

There's no masking it! I won't fool you!
I would never commit such an injustice
I love you so much, I want for you,
To be spared of life's offers roughest

I save such time! Yet waste so much,
On fools who don't know my bad side.
If all is well that ends swiftly,
Let me bring us to demise.

I'm so happy I saw my darkness
And learned the importance of shedding light.
Don't ever only see my goodness,
and don't ever let me waste your life.

Would you save me?
Could you be so kind as
To berate me?
Can you put me in my place
And wash me of my feelings daily?

Is there a way you can come inside me
And remove what's rotten?
Take away all of what I love,
Yet should undoubtedly be forgotten?

Do you hurt?
Do you possess too much risk?
Could I put you down
Without insatiable itch?

Can you use me once
And then throw me away?
Would you need to stay?
Would you make my mind do stunts?

Are you crazy?
Are you the enzyme that would complete me?
Could you delete the weak me,
And bring me suavity?

Can you take my life quality
And overall boost it?
Would I reap your benefit,
Grow numb, and lose it?

Do you take losers like me
And turn them into winners?
Would you make me thinner?
Would you take me away
From too many family dinners?

Will somebody find out?
Will they judge me? Or worse,
Would they care about me
out of pity, out of concern?

Would they heal me up,
Just enough so I'll stick around?
Will you make sound?
Will you call someone who figures out where I'm bound?

Would you get me locked up?
Would you isolate me?
Would you hate me?
Would I court you and dance with you and then you date me?

Would it be me and you in the end?
Are you a friend?
Can you be just a trend?
Can you make a swift visit?

Can you come inside me and leave,
And make me grow stronger,
And give me a good story and experience
To give to others out of caution?

Would I be cautious enough?
Would I be too cautious?
Would you make me nauseous?
Would you make me have fits?

Are you too strong?
Do your effects last too long?
Can you help me function?
Can you help me hold my head up?

Are you enough?
Will I have you and want more?
Will it be like everything else,
Where you won't even the score?

Will you not give me as much as I give you?
What will you then do,
Make me find a stronger you?

Are you the start of a path?
Are you a grand finale?
Are you stigmatized so much
That they won't hold rallies?

Would you make me stupid?
Would it be the good kind?
Will you take me from a pathetic nerd
To a lowdown town king?

Are you hopeless?
Do you make me go with the flow?
Do you make me know what to do
When I'm feeling really low?

Are you the updraft?
Are you the placation?
Are you the one who'll fill the hole
So I can just go on and live?

Would you change me?
Would you exchange me for the better model?
Are you tolerable,
Or are you too much to handle?

Do you have a message for me
That I am too weak for you?
Will you shut me up?
Will you make me complacent for life?

Will you give me better rhymes?
Will you be my latest muse for poems?
Is all of the interest I've shown
Seducing you to want me?

Can you want me back?
Can you give me warmth?
Can you hold me close
And make everything alright like some did?

Is this part of being a kid?
Are you a right of passage?
Will you make me a savage?
Will you make me a lady killer?
Will you make me say phrases like "lady killer"?

Will you delete my filter
So I can overshare even more?
Will you help me score?
Will you give me lustful motivations?

Are you patient?
Or do you come into me all at once?
Are you a cooling ice water,
Or a thousand hot suns?

Will I ever know?
Will you ever pull the trigger?
Will you make me not miss her,
Or her, or her?

Will I forget my past?
Will I remember my future?
Are you a suture
For all of the pain I've endured?

Will I be yours?
Or would it just be that you'd be mine?
Would you be fine?
Or would you walk up to the fine line?

Do you have remorse?
Are you the best course?
Is there something I could do better?
Are you offering an adventure?

Are you timing me?
Are you working your way to find me?
Do you have lust, too?
Do you have trust issues?

Do you also not want to be abandoned?
Are you stranded and you need me?
Would you free me?
Or are you some kind of jail?

Do you ever fail?
Or do you always get the job done?
Are you fun?
Or are you more a means to an end?

Are you a black hole?
Do you have a soul?
Would you make me lose mine?
Will you teach me about control,

About how to lose it,
About how to choose to use it well?
Will you send me to hell?
Or will you punch my shoulder and laugh?

Do you live up to the facts?
Are you not worth it?
Are you sometimes perfect, though?
Or is that just hearsay?

Will you make me fade away?
Will you drag me down?
Could you and I drown?
Could you and I be partners?

Could you stop rhyming?
Could you stop seducing me?
Could you end me?
Could you really end me?
Would you end me?

This is a poem I am writing for all of the clouds out there who drift lazily through the sky on the dream of short-lived lives.
For the dogs who run around having no long term goals or dreams.
How I envy all of the simple existences that I see around me constantly.
When you are a person in today's modern society, it seems as if it is inevitable to lead a troublesome life, what with things like Facebook, Photography, and Freedom.
So what does this contradictory word complexity even symbolize in the miracle of the English language?
Complexity is the person who you love, and all of the feelings and thoughts that they provoke.
It is the red door, that stands for so much more, in that book that your English teacher tried to explain.
Complexity is the idea that by virtue of being accustomed to modern life, we have the determination to overlook the simple things in life...but that is kind of complicated.
Once we all learn our own primary language, the mind naturally expands to things like thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes, desires, and all of these are accented by feelings.
So what is simplicity?
Simplicity is the formation of birds that are migrating south.
It is the sound of grass in the wind, the taste of water after a hot day.
As complex beings, we naturally strive to find simple things, because after a while, the complex thoughts expire.
But people love being complicated, so much that they try to find intricate patterns in the simplest things; even in death.
Although most people have the intellectual capacity to think complicated thoughts, that should not prevent them from loving the simple things in life.
What is lucky about our flexible minds is that we are allowed to decide what is simple and what is complex.
For example, a spider's web. It is a beautiful creation made of silky, withstanding string that latches on to any small piece of matter it can find. The web is the spiders shelter, it helps it to sustain life and to put bread on the table, or dead bugs as the case may be.
On the other hand, a spider's web is its home. The spider has one simple purpose in life, to survive off of the web. An existence with one goal, objective, and dream, to create a web is simple in a most beautiful way.
Being allowed to make anything in life, including life itself, as simple or as complicated as we like is without a doubt one of the most amazing powers we possess as human beings.
When encountered with presentations of pure beauty, I have begun to try to keep them simple in my mind, for the sake of trying to embrace the beauty for what it is, be it a colorful sunset, an undefined relationship, or the red door that doesn't stand for anything more.
So next time you go to think about something and make it your own, think before you think.

Can I do you a favor?

Walked alone outside in the Spring evening
Came back warm but my heart was confused and freezing
I took a shower and contained my inner being
Took a drink of water and looked up at the ceiling

When I couldn't sleep, time for walk round two
Me versus the world is what I was driven to do
I needed to escape from my tiny college room
And find some stimulation to help me

All of my friends couldn't text me back or call
But the ones I didn't call would have helped me out regardless
The only people I pursue will just let me fall
And I can't bring love into this darkness

I often wondered why respect and love didn't cut it
I knew I got obsessed with girls, but even when I laid back
There'd always come a time where the girl would look at me with disdain
And I couldn't back up this pattern with fact

But it's quite simple, You all want this,
Being treated like you ain't worth love
A little hamper at the spicket wants a few drips
But he or she ain't want a waterfall

I've got drips, but I'm still really thirsty
Accelerated heart rate got me sweating like a sprinter
But therein lies the rub, if I flock to dry supplies weakly,
I feel the coldness and my life is hindered

Priorities were never my biggest strength
You could say I was one of the boys who only wants one thing
It'd be a great relief to abolish my length
But I might someday want to have a family

Disgusted, disapproving, or maybe just disinterested,
Nobody I met has ever shared my strong feelings
If nobody wants me dead and nobody wants my love,
What plans for me are you revealing?

I want something real, I choke on fake friendships
They suffocate me and I can't dislodge the debris
stressing makes my mind feel stormative and my brain splits
Am I thirsty or just lonely?

Do I just want to have *** or do I need a kind word?
Would a girl read to me if I did one hundred favors?
I want to have it all, but I hate saying I have nothing
When I'm not even putting in the labor

I don't have to fight to get myself out of bed
I don't pretend to love myself and love life
But how come when it comes to feeling lonely in the dead of night,
I beat myself inside my head?

I'd cut the extras off and remove half my brain
So then, in place of annoyance, I'll just be submissive,
But when the daylight comes around, will I still be a beggar,
Or will I learn to love the way I live?

I don't know what I want, but biology makes me anxious
Is there more to it then ***, or is that all I'm chasing?
Using big words and being nice stunts my progress,
So maybe I should switch to erasing

I love who I am, but what's the price of being it?
What good is self-love if I'm stuck on an island?
But I'm not! Cause some people are really sometimes there for me!
I hate my ungrateful silence.

This is the cycle of abuse a thirsty demon faces
I can't escape the fact I want some affection
At least I also want to be read to, and share music,
But I need to find out how to show my dark intentions.

Dressing like a square sure won't get me much further,
You think I study hard instead of harbor foolish wishes??
I'd wear a shirt that says I'm dying for attention,
But I can't not eat and ***** up my dishes

Being desperate is easy until the night comes
I'm placated by any form of contact
But when I'm all alone, my inner self comes out
And I can't turn my back on that.

I'm thirsty, desperate, I want romantic attention
Girls laughing at my jokes and saying that I'm cool,
I'm done with being smart, I'm done with being called smart,
Let me become your favor-fulfilling fool

I wanted to play spin the bottle, I wanted to make out on the lockers,
Instead I was hidden away by my two lovers, not a shocker.
I started being smart to be less embarrassing,
But now I can't get a date or much at all

Being thirsty is a harder path to be on,
But I ain't chose it, it chose me.

I'm done with being smart; socially, I hate it.
I can't express how much big words make me degraded
I want to be a cool guy, not a smart one
I want more girl attention, not to do well in life

I don't belong here; these are my priorities
Somebody love me then tell me to drop out
Then I'll get what I want and be where I'm supposed to be
****, I don't have anything figured out

Thanks for ignoring me so I don't make your life worse
I hope you ended up having a really good night
I can't stop my *** drive from constantly giving birth
Sorry nothing about me is right

Living and dying, I am
Giving and loving are you
Can't feel my arms or my hands
My heart is paralyzed too

Walked the walk, I know I ran
Hopelessly helpful are you
I'd like to say, if I even can,
Without you, I'll be blue

Typical to make a joke
You laugh without suspense
What have I done to be treated so?
Long series of events

Take me with you in your heart
Take me or I'll cry
I'll take you, you can't change that part
You need not wonder why

Please believe me, please believe me
I love you, it can't hide
A road without a single tree
Is embraced by the sky

Make some noise, don't hesitate
You can't go on like this
Whatever you do, whatever your fate
Ignorance of hate can be your bliss

Love yourself for what you are
Not for what you say
If you are wrong, you'll still go far
If you make it wrong in the right way

I'm just so lost, you must now see
Oxygen in my veins
I feel this love, it's meant to be
It's loosened its restrain

I was touched when I loved to hear
Some Enchanted Evening
It gave me patience, took my fear
And brought me back my feeling

If you suppress this love of yours
You've succumbed to this life
Look not to mirrors, not to drawers
Look at what's pointed to by the knife

Within yourself, I hope you'll find
This love, this hard edged thing
It can't be helped, but to be kind
Your true self you must bring

If ever I experienced
Love at first sight
It happened here, it happens now
When I imagine you tonight

Sight isn't only optical
Sight isn't what I see
My sight looks beyond you facade
My sight sees you through me

I'm sorry if at any time
I left your path astray
I'm sorry if it was a crime
To know I could, but turn away

From loving and taking I can't part
It's more than ever true
I found you all within my heart
I have some words for you. Don't wait

Loud sound, ears ringing
Throat closed, birds singing.
Sun shining, mind spinning,
Emotion losing, logic winning.

Blown away are the stares
Blown away is all the distance.
Blown away, forever lost
Not once willing to make an appearance.

All that’s left is what’s hard wired
Hard wired pity, hard wired fear.
What I thought wasn’t hard wired
After the bomb, is still right here.

All the praise, condescending.
All the gestures, soon reneged.
All the fears, confirmed and waiting.
To surface again, like fallen twigs

Raining down upon my head
Obscuring my clear view of the sky.
For all of the pain, there’s now a reason.
Such shock, no need to wonder why.

Spoiled
Can't take the recoil
Of the life with no difficulty

Overthinking
Can't stop rapidly blinking
When my dreams haunt me

Logical
But ambiguous obstacles
Make nothing concrete

Incomplete
But the missing pieces
Supposedly walk around outside

According to me,
What I need is free
But it's not really free.
I just don't know the price

Lifeless
Monotone
Texts from my telephone
Outnumber those received

It's hard to breathe
When I think about dying.
When I think about flying
I can almost cry

But not quite.
Crying requires life
And I don't feel really alive
Unless I'm with people I love

Who love me back.

Should I retract?
Am I an addict?
Who wants to be loved this bad,
and how do they not show it,
or sometimes not even know it?

Forgo it
Let go of it
Let go of that dream
Take one for the team
And walk the line
Don't wine
Don't pine

It'll be alright.
But it won't be better than your dreams.
Life's a goddess on a cloud
And you can't get to her

But you can let her guide you
And let her ride you
Because you're in control

Just control your goals,
Or if you don't,
Try harder and fight barters
About what it's worth

It's worth a lot
Take a shot or rot

I don't know what this means
I think a lot and write sometimes
I'm frustrated.
I'm done.

This is the springtime of your life. Don't let it go to waste. Enjoy it.
/
Does that mean do crazy?
Does that mean do whatever I want?
Does that mean take advantage of
My independence till it's gone?

Does it mean drink a lot?
Does it mean do drugs?
Does it mean charm women,
Seeking approval, chasing hugs?

Does it mean being lazy?
Should I chill and lay back
Until I work hard a couple decades,
Die later from heart attack?

Does it mean act reckless?
Is it yolo swag **** everything else?
Form a youthful reckless checklist
Do what I want, never help?

Should I follow my heart,
Even if it's a lustful disaster?
People who have the most fun,
Are they now my masters?

Do I follow them?
Do I go out and party?
Is it safe?
Should I black out every other night? Hardly.

Is it do what I think is best?
Is that really fun?
Grades and help for everyone else,
Continuing from where I'd begun.

Is it autopilot?
Is that what I keep maintaining?
Do I ask a ton of questions?
My intellect, always straining?

Does that count?
Does that make it count?
If I overthink everything,
Can my happiness reach an amount

Where I look back, look down
Sit upon a couch
And say, ****, that was fun
Time to retire and sell out

To the American Adult dream
Slowly crawling to the grave
At least I had fun then,
At least by memories, I'm saved.

I caved, I lost it,
I'm not a normal college kid.
I'm on a ride, on my mind,
In my life, but listen,

It's a blast, it *****
All of the wasted contemplating
But it beats blacking out,
Complaining, rebelling, and hating.

Here I am, patient
Looking forward to dating.
Self-centered, prideful,
Centralized around mating.

And it's cool, not bad,
I'll still grow up and look back,
"This is the springtime of your life.
Do what you want, no going back."

Stains on my face let you know what I mean
Warding off friends and foes since I was fifteen
When you hit the wall, take your walk away from me
Saying it's nothing, it's social biology

Really look at me and you'll see my doubts
Let it freak you out then seek the higher route
See what I'm about, but once your insides shout
You'll break out before you break through, no doubt

Break down the wall and when you break through
I'll express my passion by questioning you
Everything you want to be, everything you do
I'm really into spirits, thought you already knew

Question me back, now that's a conversation
Question me back, there's full explanations
Hold yourself back, I'll feel the sensation
All your judgments will stunt the degradation

Degrade these walls to climb on in
It's not so bad once you look past my skin
100 thoughts a day make me want to fade away
And you'll be another one if you can't look my way

Because of the stains on my face

Before staring at rocks, there was staring at fallen trees
Before fallen trees, there was sport and game
And much before that, there must have been something
To help us keep our lives wasting away

Staring at rocks, day in, day out
Nobody cries. Nobody questions
Why staring at rocks is a good way to live.
There's no good way to live, suppose that's the lesson.

Lessen and lessen until it's no more,
Or so it seems, with what we feel.
What we produce by staring at rocks,
Some fleeting pleasure, some placating meal.

Is it a big deal? Or is it not?
Shall we stare on as rocks evolve?
As the rocks evolve, will we just stop?
Will they grow on and we, grow not?

Is the rock a form of communication?
Is the rock the epitome of what we make?
What we do? What we value?
What we love? What we save?

Where's the glory? Where's the love?
What's between a bunch of rocks and I?
Where's the moment when I'll love rocks
And not hold tears back in my eyes?

Never dying, never criticizing,
Never complaining, always obedient
Manipulated entertainers,
No wonder rocks, that's where we went

Will it stop? Luddites united?
Or are the rocks the newest wheel?
They give us so much to know and process
But rocks, from you, I'll never feel

Every second, life is ending
The credits roll for the past.
Every second is a rebirth
And it's the opening scene
For the rest of your life.

What am I supposed to do?
What am I supposed to do?
What am I supposed to do?
What am I supposed to do?

What do I do now?
What do I do now?
What do I do now?
What do I do now?

Is it what I want?
Is it what everyone expect?
Should I pull a stunt
And do what people won’t ever forget?

Is it time to run away?
Is it time to give in?
Is it time to take a day
To take some time for riddence?

Are my feelings hidden?
Is my heart upon my sleeve?
Do people see me and know
That I’m taken by the given

Out of control thoughts,
Pointless wasted endeavors
My mind is on a big trip
It’s always storming, that’s the weather

Am I worthy of this life?
Am I worthy of this life?
Am I worthy of this life?
Am I worthy of this life?

Is what I want really right?
Is what I want really right?
Is what I want really right?
Is what I want really right?

There comes a point when one hot tub
Becomes too much and it's just so,
That anyone in must get out
And cool off before the overload.

Fools fastidiously test their fingers
To determine their further actions.
This is because they might be scared
Of heat, or of an overreaction.

Finger dipping won't be judged
Or looked upon more than at once.
And then the dipper may either shrug
And walk away, or take more chance.

But as it very often goes,
From all the dippers I have seen,
The fingers tell the nervous system
To go on and pursue safer dreams.

But should you dip your whole leg in,
Or your whole arm, or your whole self
This not only a greater risk
On your own body, but on everyone else!

Everyone else may judge variously
And hold the grudge and not forget
Because those who act in minority
Are expected to soon regret

Not walking the narrow line
And not living with expectations.
These expectations, they defy,
And then they may face isolation.

The body submergers, fearless divers
May contradict cultural beliefs.
But it is they who act with truth
That are granted, at night, better sleep.

Swimming pools, hot tubs,
Bath tubs, and ice baths.
Walk around and in my eyes,
Their water's not the right path!

Water makes me, water heals me,
Water let's me live more days.
Water taunts me, water dances
And then water washed away!

Should I dip my toes most places,
So often the story goes
Full of fear, I'm not complacent
With the temperature, so then I know

That it is time to walk away
And seek another body to enter.
At times, when bodies enter me,
I often feel their entrance then hurts!

It's either one way or the other,
A quick dip or a thorough swim.
And whether or not I like the swimmer,
Their endurance is a simple whim.

In the pool, they may frolic,
In the pool, they may be joyous.
That's until another water
Proves to be slightly more buoyant!

Slightly easier to navigate,
With more salt, the swimmers float!
Fresh water is such a drag,
So in the oceanic, swimmers go.

Day after day, swimming or hosting,
The water bodies keep swimming on
And ultimately, in this sense,
There's equality in this song!

Despite wanting to participate more,
Despite feeling like poison water,
I'm just a pool among the others
And my water's all I have to offer.

In all endeavors I seem to find
There is an eternal internal bind
Of which I create and then I crave
From which I cannot hope to escape

From where does fulfillment originate?
Is it not enough to live without hate?
Can anything be done without regret?
What sort of constant is this threat?

Leaving a room though physical action
Cannot be done without wishing for retraction
I should have said that, I should have done this
Does the right sequence of events even exist?

Why must the choices I make contradict
Every last desire and every last wish
That I ever formulate inside my mind?
It seems that this struggle is one of a kind

I don't know how to really be sure
Or definitely good, positively pure
Will I ever do something and say it's right?
Tantalizing me are my endless lost fights

Nothing’s simple
Nothing’s easy
Everything’s difficult
Makes me queasy

About my life
That has no meaning,
It’s often melting
And sometimes freezing

I’m growing up
Constantly teething
Emotions and logic
The toys I’m eating

Hard to swallow
I’m always leaving
Running in circles
Returning easily

From me to me,
A verbal beating
The poems, identical,
Worth deleting

Thoughts cross my mind
As long as I’m breathing
They cross each other often,
Always seething

With rage, waiting
For me to engage
Other people, hoping
That a glimpse at this face

Will brighten another one,
Start a cycle of brightness
But drawing other people in
Takes more than politeness

Who knows what it takes?
What do you need?
If I knew what it was
I’d offer it, with speed

I disagreed.
I never knew how to act first
Is it loving, caring, like I am
Or should I go with the worst

And trust this instinct I have
That everyone wants a stoic me
Everyone wants me to march in line,
Never writing poetry

Knowing I’m supposed to be
Just another staring face
Offering words selectively
And only in the right case.

That’s what some people want
Is it theirs to take?
Am I a popular vote persuasion
Meant to act how they say?

No way. I’d rather just be myself
Teething, breathing, poetry-ing
Worse for wear, but oh well.
This human is not for sale

I close my eyes
My friends hands me a green stick
I pocket it, extract it,
And then I start eating it

Before I know what it is,
A minty green special K bar,
Somehow my friend knew
I ate these often at my landscaping job

We’re in a big house,
Modern, lots of glass
There’s an apparent social group present
I’m hoping that I pass

The unmentioned implicit
Group initiation
People make eye contact with me and speak,
What a riveting sensation

I try to stay patient,
Sometimes standing, sometimes sitting
All the while,
Dark paranoid thoughts beginning

The longer it goes on,
The more often we switch innings
And before I get accustomed
I’m in a dark room, internally grinning

Large. Semi-spherical
Dark. Gothic.
I walk towards the center,
No longer aware of my pockets.

My heart, I’m standing near
Another person I love, who shot it
And like I once knew,
I’m overcome by the feeling, haven’t lost it

And we start dancing,
In a classical sort of way
There’s so much joy in our embrace
But all around us, dismay

I try to let it sink since
It doesn’t happen every day
And I have a creeping feeling
That it all will float away

And once the music stops playing,
She comes closer to embrace
In a hug that’s too tight,
So suddenly, my heart is racing

And I love it and I hate it
And behind her back, I’m facing
And my paranoia is back
And my colorful world is graying

How long should I be staying?
I shouldn’t ever be here!
When she finally let’s me go,
In a cloud of smoke, I disappear

I’m back in the house,
I find my friend from before,
And wonder; how are you feeling dude?
Are you not also eager to slumber?

Before I her his response,
I ironically wake up,
Taken by another nightmare
Taken by more fake love.

Are these dreams?
Or just the occasional nightmare?
These recurring scenes I tease
Myself with love I don’t have; unfair.

I’ve ******* lost all of my **** marbles
I don’t find a spec of solace in any online articles
For the life of me, I cannot predict many of my neuronic particles
But I have to get out of bed in the morning like you do because I have **** to do too.

I don’t know who I am or who I want to be
I’ve spent my whole life mirroring rap lyrics and people on tv
Every word I speak feels like a desperate plea
I just want to feel at home someday, somewhere

What other people have, I desperately crave
I know for a fact there are many social groups I cannot infiltrate
People give me pity and call me sweet, I’d rather have hate
But I don’t see it happening since I don’t often provoke any strong feeling

To be hated, better than being tolerated, I suspect
I put so much effort in and that’s why I fail tests
I can empathize, listen, sacrifice, and jest,
But people want friends, not servants

Self-deprecating as I am, I love being I
I love being wrong, **** being wise
When I get serious, I look people in the eyes,
So maybe I’ll start doing that more often.

Face to face, looking at me
Face to face with my enemy
Face to face with my best friend
Face to face won't you set me free?

Looking at you, no distractions
Evaluating my actions
Face to face with a liar
Face to face pure fire

Summer come ups are the worst
I still remember my first
All of the darkness inside
Summer cracks me open wide

Look at you, no regrets
Look at you, empty threats
Look, you can't even address
Look, this is internal stress

Tell me to keep that smile on
Tell me keep that heart strong
Ignore the past and pretend
Now you can't even pretend

Standing here face to face
Look at me, pure disgrace
Look at me, no fear
I don't know how I got here

What's up with being admired?
Is it me or are you tired
Pretending like they all know
How you could never say no

Lookin at me and my speech
Thinking I'm going to teach
Running away from my past
Slowing down, summer's my mass

Summer is still my confession
Time to address my obsession
Time to address my mistakes
Time to obsess my mistakes

Tired of being alone
I love myself, hold the phone
Where did myself even go?
I'm nowhere near this flow

I see myself through my people
I see myself through the reader
I see myself through expression
Mirror just causes depression

Thinking about those times
Thinking about those tries
Attempts at being fulfilled

Thought about running away
Thought about leaving someday
You told me you had nothing

You don't know what you've got
You haven't suffered a lot
You've suffered a little bit
You haven't gone through it

What's up, can't you hear it
What's up, broken spirit
Noises of promising future
It's just become unclear

I've got several promises
That I'll have a great life
I just hope these witnesses
Will help me learn to fight

I don't know what I can do
But try to come fight you
Mirror shards breaking apart
Broken mirror, reflective heart

Heart, time to just shut up
You've got love but no luck
Your choices were all wrong
Express yourself through song

That's about all you can do
Other than try to be true
And then fall into a trap
And then excessively snap

You snap in the wrong direction
What do you call perfection?
Will you leave me alone?
I know you've heard that tone

Now it's coming from me
Your leader is not free
Because you set me up
Because you messed me up

Mirror set me on fire
Mirror calls me a liar
Back to day one
Back under the gun

Hope we make it back
Who really built that track
I loved myself before
But it's becoming a chore

Life is a race
There is no first place
There are frequent breaks
And plenty of mistakes

In the rush if events
There is too much suspense
What does the future hold
I hope it's not cold

The finish line gives out the same prize
There are different ways that people arrive
But in the end, everyone dies

I love you so so much
It's ok that you let me go
Regardless of my own true love,
I don't except yours to grow

Don't worry about me, I don't want
To be a burden any longer
This removal you desire
Will hurt a lot, but I'll grow stronger.

You have someone who will love you
For the rest of my own life
It's ok to go far away
And never have me in your sight.

Do whatever makes you happy
And I'll just keep on living on.
I love you a lot, not that it matters.
Keep being amazing and begone

I've been waiting here for such a long time,
inside this waiting room, inside my mind.
I'm sitting alone, I wait for my turn,
While all the while, my suppressed heart burns.

The woman at the desk sits with no fear,
She knows who I am and why I am here
Neither she nor I knows why I wait
but I have an advantage, I believe in fate

Although I am waiting, I know not what for,
I know not what lies beyond that door.
I dream it is happiness, tranquility, and peace,
but perhaps it is just the lair of a beast.

I'm chained down to my chair, but I never fight,
I'm only a prisoner of my own device.
Why do I wait, why can't I run free?
I need that door, it's become part of me.

So yes, I'll wait, until the room ends,
since it's in my mind, on me it depends
I will wait in this room as long as I can,
wishing all the while to be a real man.

I love walking outside
And hearing noises
It’s like an antidote
For all of the poison

I inject myself with
By trying to be aware
And even though the poison hurt me,
I don’t care

I’d rather be aware
Than choose to be ignorant
It’s ok some people do,
But I’m not into it

So I internalize the evil
And sometimes, I feel I live it
But when I walk outside
I’m innocent and generally riveted

Why are you running away?
Is it so hard to be kind?
Why can't you, I always stay.
Whatever, never mind

I can't ever ask for this
But where can I find pants?
I'm always without power
Giving you a hundredth chance

And more, well, who cares
You take just what you need
It matters not what's just or fair
Please hurt me without heed

Priority minority
Without my approach, you're blind
My love for you, it's always free
For me, the requested is fine

Now here you are, here's someone new
What will you want from me?
I can do anything at all
But simply let you be

I have to say, you'd like to know
Lifelong friends only for me
You can be mean, you can just go
A deadbolt bond without a key

And don't forget my loneliness
Don't think I'm just some guy
Don't think it's you that I won't miss
Don't think I ever say bye

Never had a single pair of pants
Never got to be annoyed
Never felt that I was being missed
And still I can't employ

Any method of anger, of judging you
For doing other things
For never even coming back
You don't really bring

Take it all away from me
It seems to work alright
Your box is full, but then there's mine
It's really rather light

And what is it, with this new one?
No, no, it isn't so
How can I not be the only one
Who's asking about woes?

I wonder and I wonder more
How can it be this way?
I wonder if I do deserve this
Why aren't you running away?

Soft, easy to walk on
Pleasant, comfortable
Familial, forgettable
That's carpet.

Hateful, vengeful
Frustrated, ill-intentioned
Always mentioned, enfuriating
That's toxic.

Please love me.
Will you listen to me?
How are you doing?
That's carpet.

Please love me.
I'm empty.
I need you.
That's toxic.

I love you,
I'll do anything for you!
Please command me.
That's carpet.

I deal with your idiocies
I deal with your standards
I conform to fit inside your image.
That's toxic.

Can you hug me in front of
All of these people?
So that they know I'm worth something?
That's carpet.

After you listen to me,
I'll say I'm useless.
I'll say it's not your fault.
That's toxic.

I don't want to ***,
I don't want to talk,
I want you to trust me and tell me everything.
That's carpet.

All I want is ***,
All I need is some warm body.
Give me the fuel I've run out of.
That's toxic.

I'll give you everything
And do whatever you want
For whatever feigned love you can muster.
That's carpet.

I'm ready to conform.
Give me drugs and let me tighten up
While you let loose and accidentally love me.
That's toxic.

I'll text you back immediately.
And patiently await your response.
Rejoice in this moment you did for me.
That's carpet.

Give me advice.
So I can shoot you down.
So I can let you down.
So I can let you drown.
In my toxic civil war
Where I knew no solution would come
From my internal struggle.
But you took a side
And felt the wrath of one of my forces.
I can't help you.
Leave me alone.
That's toxic.

I walk around
By myself late at night.
I text you and say I need you.
Don't worry about where I am.
I needed to be alone,
But now I don't.
I just escaped misery and wanted to
Find you.
Find me,
Or I'll run away.
Block me,
So I can fester.
That's carpet.

Let me give you a million compliments.
Easily.
While you find one for me
And slip a shark a steak
Even though he'll always be hungry.
Sharks barely ever **** humans,
But they're so scary.
It's the hunger, it's the image.
It's not the behavior.
It's not.
The image is hunger.
Always give me more.
That's toxic.

I serve.
I help.
I pleasure, assist, provide
I care, then I care more.
Then I go home and rub off
The disappointment and fear of alone.
Then I care more.
And I wait for the love I give
To come to me.
And I think it will.
That's carpet.

Leave me alone.
Be honest.
That's what I need.
Let your honesty drown you
Because I'm honest too.
And I'll open up the floodgates,
Without remorse.
Sorry if you drown.
I overthink, bottle up, and overshare.
That's toxic.

Please love me.
Please act with me,
Act out the fantasies I have planned.
And re-enact the ones I did.
I'm toxic.
I'm carpet.
That's me.

In today's world religion can be hard
To tackle since so many view it as barred
Away from the world like the poor dying man
People avoid as best that they can

But what is the price of being uptight
About suppressing the essence of life?
Why is it so that it can be so wrong
To speak of the motives that guide us along?

Religion is not just a vast collection
of various mythical origin legends
Religion is the root of motive and desire
Religion is wood, humans are fire

So how can it be that the absence of thought
Is how some are marketed after they are bought
Into a title that simply describes
A lack of connection to open blue skies?

How can it be so, that siblings can fight,
Over which one is wrong and which one is right,
When in the end the real problem is
A lack of empathy for hers and for his

Where does it say that you have to sign up?
Why do I have to drink from anyone's cup?
What prevents me from creating my own?
What prevents me from being alone?

Why do you look down upon me so,
For having not only courage to say no,
But to say no and also be self-assure
For my essence is pure, and so is yours

Question not the names and titles
Question not the idol or idols
Question not those who dare to walk alone
For it is from the same cloth that we are all sewn

Question not the small details
That can breed such conflict, but to no avail
Question not the symbols or form
Question not those who deviate from norms

Question attempts to segregate
Question any actions fueled by hate
Question your mother, question your father,
Question your friends if you dare bother

Question anyone who you care for
Religions are doorknobs and humans are doors
For it is religion that truly precedes
The philosophies carried by you or by me

So question your friends, go on, it's ok
Hopefully the world will reach a day
Where religion is the opposite of a taboo
Where religion is recognized as what makes you

So question the motives, question desire
And most importantly, question those who set fire
To other's religions, to other's homes
Violence is never the answer

I’ve made something that is perfect.
Mistakes I’ve made, hearts I’ve broken,
It’s not my desire, it’s not been worth it
This twisted toxic machine has chosen

To refuse all corrections
And to make any new updates
I’d bash its head in, if I could,
But it’s not really my fate

I wish it weren’t, I’ll overcome it
But foolishly, it trundles on
Taking hope and opportunity
And leaving or making them gone.

Instead of speaking up,
I usually speak down
Unless I get excited and
I share ideas like a clown

With my arms flailing
Physically because I’m enthused
And metaphorically grasping
For someone else to not lose

More interest in me
Even though I deviate a lot
From the societal norms
That confine many in a little box

**** that little box
People talk a lot without sharing
But I’m the key to the lock
So I’m freaking out without caring

Until I turn the lights out
And my phone buzzes for Candy Crush
But there’s nobody’s messages on that list
Because I didn’t barter love

The products I offer
Are insufficient for my needs
So obviously I need some lessons
On how to calm down; smoke ****,

Don’t read books, don’t
Develop imagination
Watch tv, scroll Facebook,
Be patient and wait for your whole life

For something around the corner
Until you’re waiting and your impulses
Drive you into lonely streets
Lamenting your losses

Looking for stimulation
Constantly checking the phone
Until I stop and look around
I’m lost, I don’t know how I’ve grown

Everything I say or do
Is a contradiction
Every time I craft a truth,
It's a work of fiction.

Right when I learn who I am
Is when I misplace myself.
Right when my self is stable
Is when I fall off the top shelf.

Right when I am confident,
I become a scared little boy.
Right when I'm a wholesome noble,
I'm ****** into a dark ****** void.

Right when I'm valued and happy
I'm alone with none around.
Right when I'm completely lost
I find a simple lost and found

Sign. I take it with me
And bare it across my chest.
I'm lost and found! At the same time!
I'm simply a clearly labeled mess.

I never know what will come next,
I've not seen a creature more amorphous.
Maleable beyond comprehension
Walking through a flourished forest.

After all of my stressing,
It's really quite simple.
All of my time guessing,
And I know what I'm in for.

There are two circles
on one plane,
And where they intersect
Is for what I pray

In circle one are many souls
For whom I feel bad, for their pain I know.
I label them as people whose goals
Do not match mine, and so it goes.

They want from me what I do offer,
But not to them, for it is such
That qualities that fulfill my needs
Are lost in them; they're not enough.

It's so abrupt, I write them off!
And for this, I feel sort of bad.
However, I've been treated as such
By many people, it makes me sad.

But I don't hate! I'm not furious,
I forget people and they forget me.
There is one other circle, curious
How it is not one or three, but two!

Yes, it's two, and it's much smaller
Not in size, but in perspective.
I see people in circle one often,
But circle two people evade my presence!

Very often, they don't like me.
Very often, I'm treated with disdain.
I feel like they can set me free,
But they often cause me so much pain!

I see in them what I really want,
Their presence enlightens my life.
I often face them, fully front,
And their response causes me strife.

Oftentimes, they remain there,
Because to do so, they reject.
However, on special occasions,
One person meets the intersect!

There are people who like me,
And miraculously, I like them back!
It's really quiere a wonderful thing,
Two souls on an equal path.

Far and few between you are,
People who meet me in the center,
If you are in circle two,
The intersect, feel free to enter!

In return, I always try
To move people from one to mid,
I give chances and hope I change,
But I know what my feeling is.

Try and try to center folks,
I will keep going and not give up!
I'll keep manipulating variables,
And someday, there will be enough.