Sometimes I do wish
you could hear just
how dangerous this
silence can be.

It is time to make the choice
to live or to die
I cannot go on living
while feeling like I am dying

Most days feel like bad days,
and the only days that feel good
are for all the wrong reasons

Love- the infamous cure-all, heal-all. The force meant to make life worth living and dreams worth dreaming.
But what happens when that force is only strong enough to allow someone to stay alive. Only enough to prevent someone from leaking every ounce of blood from their body, but not stop them from going deep enough to see a few drops. It cannot stop the creation of new scars and used bandages.
Love is enough to make the action of consuming food bearable, but never enough to prevent the flushing and acid baths that follow.
Love is here to remove your finger from the trigger and the barrel from your mouth. It will not hold back the tears and shut out the thoughts screaming to just ******* do it.
Love allows for a body to continue breathing and a heart to continue beating, but cannot stop the mind from wishing it wasn’t.
This force is slowly losing its strength and the power it holds.
It can and will not save you forever

I poke the snakes who
call themselves dragons,
each time they bite back bitterly
and a bit of their poison seeps into my veins.
My mama always told me
that I was too soft for a world like this,
but now she’s the one
locked away unable to cope.
I may appear unwell and
you may believe me to be broken
but I promise my fingers will break
before I ever stop holding my pieces together
and my lungs will burst
sooner than I cease to breathe fire.

I know everyone says that misery loves company
But so do I.
Misery gives me something to think about,
no matter how terrible it may make me feel.
She keeps my mind occupied
While Making sure I’m never alone.
Misery takes my hand and leads me away from here,  
Sometimes we get lost,
Sometimes on purpose,
I don’t always know the way through my head like she does.
I know befriending misery is what keeps me from moving forward,
But honestly, having someone that feels like a friend is
enough

I want to tear apart my skin to show you how ugly I am on the inside.
I want to show you the face behind this shell.
I want you to catch a glimpse of the voices and what they tell me
              Disgusting, shame, pig
I want to remove my eyeballs so you can see what I see.
I want to show you the teeth that eat away at my being.
I want to see you shudder as the demons seep from my pores.
             Can’t get away, poison

I’m in love with an angel
one who lit the entire night sky even when she couldn’t see the light herself
her heart held love
for every living thing except herself
I guess maybe she just ran out of space  
this angel would fight for you or for me
every opportunity she got
but she never stood a chance in saving herself

Sobriety
has brought me a clearer head
for all my thoughts to fill

And that is why I hate it

Even when the apple does fall far from the tree, that doesn’t mean it isn’t bruised on the way down.

You can either choose to be ashamed of me,
or be glad you at least got the chance to meet me.

Tired of always getting lost in my thoughts,
and always in thoughts that make me feel lost.

They left me to rot,
then called to ask how I was doing.

We're all just a bunch of dying writers
trying to live again,
only able to mend ourselves with words
never spoken aloud.
Poetry is born out of brokenness and healing,
so whether you are hurting or putting
your pieces back together,
please never stop writing.

My music only gets slower
and my lyrics sadder
just as I do

I have begun to see myself
as someone who is labeled a burden
but I do not think that is reality
it is only how those around me
have made me feel
all I am really asking is be cared about.
I know I cannot lift myself up
or convince my mind that today
will be a good day,
and if I can’t do that for me it will be
impossible to do it for another
so I have learned that sick people
cannot take care of sick people
because no matter how hard we try
we are all just a little too tired

They call you crazy
but I know you’re just lost
Choice
Is the word they use to describe your actions
“Why did she choose to leave her kids”
“Why can’t she choose to put down the bottle”
But I promise mom,
I promise you’re not crazy
because I feel it too
I’m not sure how we got here
or how we will manage to get back
but I promise we will find peace one day
and we will do it together

I’m an ill girl with an ill mind,
grew up in an ill world and I fell behind.
They watched me grow, then watched me grow weak,
I’ve asked for help but can no longer reach.
The pain has made a home, the hatred settled in,
I’ve come to accept that I will not win.
So please don’t beg and don’t wipe my tears,
these things you’re trying to prevent I no longer fear.

I’m an ill boy with an ill life,
grew up in an ill home and I turned to the knife.
It helped me at night and it helped me to cope,
I’ve since searched to feel more and turned to dope.
This pain is far too familiar, it has become a part of me,
Ive made it clear I will not be here forever just wait and see.
So please don’t beg and don’t wipe my tears,
These things you’ve caused me to do silence my fears.

We walk and we lie with monsters
they hold our hands
caress our cheeks
plant kisses on our lips
some may even actually care
We become so sure of them
and so unsure of ourselves
that we still hold those hands even after they have bruised us
we still long for their touch
even when we know they don’t know how to caress anymore
we wish for their lips
all while they use them to spout hate in our direction
now that we know what they are capable of
their promise to love us til the end of time
is the scariest truth of all

My life did not fall apart
all at once or so suddenly
small pieces and fragments
began to wear down and
be stripped away slowly
first the distance
between my family grew
I was alone before I knew it
no longer crossing their minds
my body became weary
and my thoughts ran slower
my love for reading and school faded
love for myself declined rapidly then
I shed weight and I shed tears
remaining tucked away in my home alone
locked away with this brain
unsure if I want to stay anymore
still my questions go unanswered
why did they leave
where did my mind go
where can I find myself again.

You blamed the drugs
and you blamed the *****
Every time you took a look in the mirror
you chose to reassure yourself
instead of those you left behind
Even now after two months sober
no more drugs
and no more *****
you continue to be able to look at yourself in a mirror
and I have no ******* idea how

I’ve withered down to brittle bones
supporting a now hallowed shell,
begging the wind to take me.