When this mortal frame does falter,
If there be left a body still to burn
Cast my ash from the cliffs of Dover
For on the winds I shall return.
Though my soul may be lost to water,
Bones bleached and turned to dust
My heart will soar across the forests
Climbing mountains in the dusk.
Then as the daylight rises
And darkness gives way to light
I will cast these eyes, one last time,
Across the shores of life.

You, the mountain. But when
I poked holes in you, you spilled out
as a fountain. And the reds all
bled into a pool of liver green that stank

so high and lost the sheen. I couldn't move
myself, bathed in the bath. I couldn't find
my footpath. My skin so wrinkled. The light
dimmed. I lost my twinkle. And my wings,

waterlogged. So, bogged down
the colors caked like make-up on
a clown. I washed them off in the sherry. And
also, ***** just to vary. I couldn't move

the hands of time back to the day
I climbed the mountain with the dizzying
view and threw myself off. I fell. But in the falling
I flew. And in the fluttering my wings lifted me
beyond mountains.

I fear the stillness
In the quiet
My thoughts are carrion birds
Circling
Ripping apart the flimsy skin
Of all the lies I've told myself
The denial I've tried to put on
Like armor
Like sequins
Like ill-fitting
Distraction

At 3 am
I'll wake with my heart racing
Laid bare by nightmares
And the daydreams that led to them
Sick with the realization that
No matter how badly
I wanted things
To turn out
Better
Sheer force of will would have never been
Enough

the stretcher nailed
the staples running as tracks
thumbing their way around
a hitchhiker making the rounds
the keys
the wire with slack
no colorful scene
lying flat
divorced from all men
surrounded in darkness
immobile and hooked
covering the cracks
the front is the show
But oh, look at the back