I loved you like a brother for so much longer than you ever deserved
Somehow those fourteen years have slipped away from me
And I think that if we're being honest you don't know a thing about me
Let me tell you that there is good reason for this
I hope that someday it hits you out of nowhere like a broken bungie cord
We gave you a home when home was the last place you wanted to be
But I can't escape the fact that all you can do is mock my very existence
Almost like you feel you could take my place so easily if I was gone
Removed somehow from a picture I was painted into years before you
We all know that no monster can wear a mask forever
I've always known this day would come but I thought we had passed all this
Maybe I should've known the day would come a second time
But somehow I always find you on my doorstep without a key
I fear that I will never be rid of you because even when you're gone you find a way
You don't even hear the words that come out of your mouth
It used to be empty apologies every other day
But now its just an offense without an amend I honestly thought you were smarter than this
You make me sick and I'd trade you for the plague just to feel peace
I've never heard someone talk so much with nothing to say and no ears to listen
You once told me that the only reason you would never leave her
Is because you know you would never find someone else who could love you
What a waste of a beautiful girl who will never know any better
Than to sell her heart in fifth grade and never learn how to take it back
People like you are everything that's wrong with the world
I had hoped I would learn something from this at the very least
But maybe all I can take away from this is that some people can't be changed
I never wanted to think like this but this is the change you've made in me
At night I tear you apart in my dreams and I'm so sorry but I wake up with a smile
*~W.C.

Today while I was at work I saw a little girl grab some candy from the shelf and shake it in front of her mom to make sure she didn't forget to buy it. As she inched closer to the counter where I was scanning all of the items all I could see were the little girls eyes and the hands that hung on to the edge of the counter. She was so tiny and was still holding the candy in her hand, so excited. Liberated.

I don’t know why that made me so nauseous but all I knew was that this little girl was given a handful of years on this earth just like me. In that instant all I really wanted to do was stop time for this little girl that I knew absolutely nothing about and give her that opportunity to enjoy her candy bar to the very last crumb and let her lick clean the left-over smudged chocolate on her small fingers and small corners of her mouth.

I hope it pleases you to know that she did enjoy it, I didn't need to stop time for her to manage that. As kids, we don’t really have that extreme perception of time and maybe that’s what so beautiful about childhood and also what’s so tragic about what comes after.

I thought this girls whole life in a matter of seconds and I grew to appreciate that little girl. But she will never know this,  she will never know who I am, nor will she ever think of me again. But by the time she left the store I found myself hoping her life is everything she wants it to be.

I'm bleeding
and
I don't want it to stop

and then
I think of you
and I just let the tears drop

I don't know how to express my feelings;
you don't know who I am.

So maybe
I should carve the letters into my skin
so you can understand

I'm not a pretty person
You can't see me inside
And those I've shown it to
Just run away and hide

So if I can't express the pain
and no one understands
I guess I'll show my feelings
with my own two hands.