I realise I've been in a gloom, a fog you can't lift.
I apparently won't let you, especially as I slept.

I seemed to have worn my own experiences, feelings, injuries-I thought I wore them like a badge of what I've overcome.

I was wrong.
I'm sorry that when you stopped me from bashing my head on a nightstand,
I repaid you in not only attempting to claw your eyes out,
But also the thrashing about, kicking you in your intimates.
I am especially sorry for wrapping my hands around your throat and trying to choke you.

You see, this you that I know and love and find comfort in.
He does not suddenly appear to save me from what has already happened to me.
I was out of options then.
Fight or flight, those were it.
And I picked fight.

Each night it seems I lose and I feel worse in the day.
I tried to stop him,
I kicked
I clawed
I even, actually, attempted to choke him,
But my hands were too small.

I was too small.
I feel powerless.

So now, consciously I make due with the cards I've been dealt.
I have no passion.
No fight.
I once walked through the fire. willingly and yet,
I feel nothing. I see the emotion. I mimic it.
But I am hollow now.
I have nothing anymore, lately.

So please, give me something to sing about.

I've seen so many flyers
Missing, abandoned, died, maybe survived
And all at Walmart.

A wall of them.
And I cry inside for them,
Vowing I'll keep an eye out.

But I cannot stand the others,
The doubt and shirkers
They shirk their civil duties.

Mocking the few for their attempt to fight.
Rather than submit.
Since they never had a chance.

I'd rather support one that fought,
That tried to fight
Rather than accept her short life
And give up.

How dare you not share the sentiment
You've obviously never fought
Fought for your life.
Ignorant fool.

Undeserving of your gifted life.
You ignore the pain around you
And deny those that fight for their own lives.

I met the other in laws today,
And I registered how strongly I can blend,
Into the wallpaper.

It was only his grandmother that noted my quiet
Reactions.
And she wasn't sympathetic, rather just a tip of the cap.

I spoke, even quietly, and her eyes were on mine.
I suppose the 40s weren't kind, and she wasn't brave.
I don't delude myself into bravery, But!

I have an odd temper.
See, I'm hopefully past the age of worrying about
abortions
Yes I said it, boohoo.
It's the topic.

I don't care if you need it.
That's inbetween you and your doctor.
I know that its not only me alive on this earth.

I am incredibly unselfish when it comes to the fairer ***.
Because it could have easily been me.

It could have been me.
With no where to go,
Law on my back.

And I'm lucky, thrice!
Not only would the father agree, but also my own parents.
If I asked.

But...I'm lucky.
That's the point of law.
You shouldn't have to be lucky.

As the feminists once screeched,
I am, unfortunately, a woman of deeds,
Not words.

I forget I'm easy to act
Until a man rubs up too closely
And then my body reacts.

I simply must twist around and grab his wrists
Only to wrench them against his back.
I often knock his knees out too.
Doesn't matter the intention,
He got far too close,
I mean really-do you have to walk .5 inches from my backside to shop for groceries?
I was already speed walking, idiot.

You stepped too close.
Normal people don't, pervert.
I asked you to stop,
You refused.

That.

Well, that's on you for assuming I'm weak.
Idiotic Republican morales.  
Just because I do not wish to harm others,
Does not mean I won't fight.

After all my parents were cops,
They taught my muscles that
Deeds not words, mattered.
Woe be me, this poor stupid democrat.
Shame on me for not wishing harm to others.

Really...let my 12 year old self show you ****** shame,
*****.

My heart is probably almost black
Who knows who to blame for that
Yet I still rised aboved it.

Scream my name
And little me couldn't imagine it.
She's pointing at a lose by 5
And then I won

I'm not as famous,
But still
I have nothing left to lose
And I'm not afraid like
She was.

I feel like I'm running towards
An ever moving finish line
And yet
This is how I learned to say no.

I won't apologise
And wonder why not

I won't lose sleep over it

And I'll smile

Then shut my eyes as you cut
My knees out from
Under me.

This is just how I learn to say no,
I'd rather hold my breathe for forever.