a long brown hair
pulled from a coat pocket
must have been yours
laying in there like a mine
then a shorter but still long
red strand poked out of
the knot in a blanket
still yours, but more fake
later an almost black hair
came from inside my pillow case
it was hers, stirred emotions
just a little too late
finally a turquoise one
belonging to a friend
but the kind that ended up
naked in my bed
and left questions
do you miss me?
was it just to get frisky?
does it matter?

I had that dream
with Sydney all close to me
and today two street signs stood out
what did they say?
The top one was my name
and the one right below was hers
I sat on the curb
head in hands
"When does this end?
When does this end?"
Every corner I turn is a reminder
smashing **** up in the grinder
but her
but her
what the ****, why does she linger
is it because I haven't loved since?
I just want to rinse my hands
get rid of her name
it's a a sick game this world plays
let me break the rules
let me cheat
so I can get her syllables
out of my cheek

Stop.
Shooting.
Cupid's arrows
From the corners
Of
Your
Eyes

i can feel you
distancing yourself from me
i can feel continental drift
i wonder, do the shoes
you wear to run from me
have holes in them?
or do you go barefoot
careful not to make a sound
in your retreat. "cover your tracks & don't look back" i imagine
your demons whisper daily
as you are growing fond of me
i wonder if your heart puts up a fight when you want to see me
or if it's a massacre
& the demons dance
on dreams you have
of us holding hands
do you wander to your car
only to find yourself back in bed?
do you put your makeup on
just to take if off again?  
is your imagination of me
a graveyard, or a pair of open arms
that are inches away
but just out of reach?
you see, what i've been so afraid
to tell you for so long,
why i feign sometimes
before speaking
careful not to tell you
all my unspoken promises,
it has to do with the night you had your head on my chest and confessed you never thought my heart
could beat like hummingbird wings:
i apologize for my silence
what i've been trying to say
is that my heart hasn't slowed down
since the day we drank coffee together
continents apart

Difference between You
and me is:
You're firm, I'm fickle.

Friendship is wings
Unstrung and uncaged to fly
Even when it's dark

I see your face
Reflected in every mirror
I pass
And my heart breaks
Like
Shards of glass
I can still taste your smile
The feel of you
Under my hands
And I know I can't wait
To come back

None of you have guessed that
No one has ever told me that
I will grow up to be an alcoholic.
I have told myself that because
I just want some kind of something
That is mine and no one
Will be able to steal it from me.
And addictions seem like a good way
To go about that.