Existence makes me think a lot
I'm here right now

Reality is crushing me on every side
and I'm falling lower and lower
trying to climb higher, I stumble

Solving the concept of existence
it's costing me too much suffering

I reach for something
what makes me high and
higher, higher, higher
but only for a moment

although the moment is addictive
because my whole life I've been looking for this moment
where my mind will rest

Though I know it'll destroy me from the inside
for when I am clean, and my sins are upon my head,
is not easier at all,

And to stop, I need to know why

these moments addict me

please help me escape from reality
please help me get out of my head

God has listened to my requests, but he has given me the substances,
that fill me
allow me to go higher
but just for this **** moment

And now I'm lost
unfortunately
with much more sins

The scars on my body that I've come to terms with,
but it's not about these scars
hot water running down my skin
I scrub like this over and over
it burns me and I feel pain
but physical suffering is better
than those scars that are hidden deep inside me
they leave behind only thoughts that keep me awake
and I'm just so much here, but still not
because I've been mentally polluted
find a window in my head
to release this poisoned air
please
find this window

The worst part of being me
was the suffering that seeped into my soul,
the suffering that made me feel like I was drowning in my own madness,
over all the depraved people,
unable to reconcile with my life.
The personality that made me not know who I was
and the moments that made me unable to live in harmony with myself.
Analyzing everything deeply,
it made me conscious,
and consciousness was killing me from the inside, devouring the particles of my brain.
My brain is tired
and my soul is polluted.
If I didn't think so much, would I be happy?