media's crawled into my greedy mind,
looking for faces and tight behinds,
unsatisfied with the looks i got,
wanting more is my only thought,
im a slave to a body type,
cause i crave a small waist and participate in a stereotype,
for now winning in a losing fight,
some day it'll change and ill hate myself for what im like,
i try to exercise and stay in shape,
its never good enough i hear voices say,
its in my head its in my brain,
it just wont seem to go away

hold me neatly,
kiss me sweetly,
let our sheets be,
so discretely,
container of our essence,
awaiting our presence,
every second,
feeling like heaven.

sitting at the bar fighting the tears,
the burn of liquor helps me forget the years,
customer half glances and quick looks,
bar tenders whispering to kitchen cooks,
just came in for one drink,
sitting till im too drunk to think,
slowly numbing limb to limb,
doesnt numb the break within,
look at me now im ******* useless,
years of labour ******* fruitless,
a lifes goal gone,
ambition directed wrong,
breaking up with lifes first love,
harder done than speaking of,
texting friends with no reply,
sitting alone too embarrassed to cry,
something about the bar is so theraputic,
slow suicide is the way to do it,
after consuming each drop of poison,
my soul feels slightly more moistened

i despise people for their ignorant prejudices,
then condemn and dismiss them,
yet it is my own prejudices against their twisted beliefs,
whether right or wrong,
that causes my anger,
my own ignorance towards others point of view clouds my judgement.

i am not homeless,
still ive had less without a home,
looking for a place,
that i can call my own,
many years have past,
for this my bodys shown,
as for mind expansion,
only my hair has grown,
a privileged life feel undeserved,
so i vacate my throne,
in search of knowledge,
i reach for the unknown,
avoiding danger to slip and fall,
people are so prone,
i understand the risk involved,
i will not wine or moan,
i wish to find my own path,
on this im not alone,
perhaps one day it will lead me,
to the place i once called home.

i am not an artist,
i am but a beholder of beauty,
regurgitating my augmented reflection,
upon the world.

when the night is dark and the clouds hang low,
and no light above shines or glows,
close your eyes and feel out the blackness,
faith in your path is all that can match this.