is it wrong to miss you,
wish i could kiss you,
20 months later it still an issue,
maybe its physical,
but im still miserable,
iv touched other skin but my heart is unfillable,
ive tried to run tried to hide,
but you cant escape your unconscious mind,
ive had to stand my ground and face it,
unravel my thoughts right down to the basics,
thinking about you like it or hate it,
stuck in a prison that i created,
though it appears im gathered and calm,
and carry on as though nothing is wrong,
bite my tongue and swallow the pain,
never make that mistake again,
i cant be mad, i did this to myself,
i only wonder, if there's anyone else

i try to impress you even though you are not around,
i undress you every night when i lay down,
to sleep,
i dream,
you come,
to me,
30 months and yet you still wont seem to leave,
i walked away because i thought its what we need,
but in the end it all just comes down to greed,
i wanted to win,
i lost your skin,
when did this love affair disintegrate to sin,
i had a secret plan that maybe i would take you back,
5 years would pass and maybe we'd forget the facts,
but i realize you'd do the taking i now lack,
how could you trust me after the way i use to act,

and i know,
after all these years,
ive realized my fears,
i deserve the tears

is love supposed to be desperate,
helpless and confused,
wrapped in the blankets of emotion,
passionately seduced,
euphoria and depression,
aren't that different after all,
one thing separates them,
it was you all along,
sprinkled with affection,
my love for you only grows,
trickling down the spine of perfection,
dripping into the soul,

i dont know what to do,
cause im so in love with you,
just say you love me too...

i miss your heart beat,
it helps me sleep,
the only treatment for my self inflicted self defeat.

hold me neatly,
kiss me sweetly,
let our sheets be,
so discretely,
container of our essence,
awaiting our presence,
every second,
feeling like heaven.

i am not homeless,
still ive had less without a home,
looking for a place,
that i can call my own,
many years have past,
for this my bodys shown,
as for mind expansion,
only my hair has grown,
a privileged life feel undeserved,
so i vacate my throne,
in search of knowledge,
i reach for the unknown,
avoiding danger to slip and fall,
people are so prone,
i understand the risk involved,
i will not wine or moan,
i wish to find my own path,
on this im not alone,
perhaps one day it will lead me,
to the place i once called home.

i despise people for their ignorant prejudices,
then condemn and dismiss them,
yet it is my own prejudices against their twisted beliefs,
whether right or wrong,
that causes my anger,
my own ignorance towards others point of view clouds my judgement.

Ive been told im loosing my touch,
Im afraid ive taken too much,
Does all love fade from lust,
Does my soul gather dust,

Ive been thinkin quite a while,
Ive been rollin past the pile,
Of reckless wrecks in denial,
Am i next in line for the fire?

The sun and the moon dance and conspire,
withholding the secret of loves great desire,
condemned to look but never to touch,
chasing each other, each dawn and each dusk,
to watch all eternity and never to hold,
to think of their love but never to know.

when the night is dark and the clouds hang low,
and no light above shines or glows,
close your eyes and feel out the blackness,
faith in your path is all that can match this.

Have you seen the fishes of the deep blue sea,
Have you swam through the stars and galaxies,
Ive been keeping track but baby dont ask me,
Ive been slipping in between realities,

Staring right into the sun for way too long,
Grasp at all the little thoughts before their gone,
Steal a smile from the moon and then move on,
The seasons still seem to change so how could i go wrong,

What if i start to laugh before you talk,
Have you even had a chance to read my thoughts,
Its hard to stay even when youre odd,
Ima go ahead and loose myself before im lost,

i am not an artist,
i am but a beholder of beauty,
regurgitating my augmented reflection,
upon the world.

just like a rainbow cast over stormy seas,
you shined your light and it just surrounded me,
illuminating life's pure beauty,
earth and seas, and stones and trees, and birds and bees,
i stumbled bumbled right off your buzz,
your honey kiss, sweet sticky lips cant get enough,

and i know im not falling in love,
i dont fall down,
not when you're around,
im rising up up up,

just like a light inside of crystal caves,
the more i watch you the more the darkness fades,
and i let your sweet voice lead the way,
it leaves me dazed for days,
maybe its infatuation,
caused by recent separation,
my situation's even testin my own patience,
now im sittin waitin,
for some kind of new creation,
im blamin' fate and, i find im hatin',
way too much and way too often,
need new touch, escape this coffin,
my heart is stoppin, and surely droppin
i miss your fresh perspective,
smart and consciously selective,
perfectly hectic,
thats how i expect it,

and i know im not falling in love,
i dont fall down,
not when you're around,
im rising up

I look for you in rainbow spectrum,
In osprey feathers as i collect them,
A shamanina, you bring the light,
A forest fairy, a mystical delight,
When crystals shine and bright moon glows,
I hear your voice in a soft echoing tone,
A gentle heart and a powerful soul,
Let your magical path unfold.

Take it in the physical essence of prair,
Lets fill out lungs with inscented air,
Pour another glass of that red animal wine,
Ill listen to your stories, if you listen to mine,
Sit infront of the fire face to face,
Lets fall asleep in a warm tangled embrace,
I feel your heart, i count the beats,
Sleep to your rhythmic remedy.

less words have more meaning.
simplicity unlocks a broken heart.

media's crawled into my greedy mind,
looking for faces and tight behinds,
unsatisfied with the looks i got,
wanting more is my only thought,
im a slave to a body type,
cause i crave a small waist and participate in a stereotype,
for now winning in a losing fight,
some day it'll change and ill hate myself for what im like,
i try to exercise and stay in shape,
its never good enough i hear voices say,
its in my head its in my brain,
it just wont seem to go away

sitting at the bar fighting the tears,
the burn of liquor helps me forget the years,
customer half glances and quick looks,
bar tenders whispering to kitchen cooks,
just came in for one drink,
sitting till im too drunk to think,
slowly numbing limb to limb,
doesnt numb the break within,
look at me now im ******* useless,
years of labour ******* fruitless,
a lifes goal gone,
ambition directed wrong,
breaking up with lifes first love,
harder done than speaking of,
texting friends with no reply,
sitting alone too embarrassed to cry,
something about the bar is so theraputic,
slow suicide is the way to do it,
after consuming each drop of poison,
my soul feels slightly more moistened

im a mess in a broom handles world,
swept off my feet for any pretty girl,
im a child writing names in wet cement,
singing songs as permanent as sound can get.

this vanity's insanity,
i never planned to be,
so obsessed with material excess,
except, my best threat,
is physical express,
through next flex,
haven't you guessed yet,
i never knew id be addicted,
fame and ******* is more fun if you can pick it,
depicted as something we should strive for,
1% pedestal is something most would die for,
the dark side of reality is,
this **** is target at kids,
since i was a year old,
all of my heroes,
were straight cut lookin like this,
aint that a *****,
never even stood a chance,
as a man,
romance,
demands,
that you dance,
plan in advance,
hold the hands of the girl you call your world, *******,
then never even teach you,
how to be people,
how to live equal,
mind, heart and soul,
body comes loses control,
don't you know, its just a show,
every where you go,
fitness is a sickness,
im **** at this business,
i just wanna be rid of this,
fictitious **** is all i ever see,
its poisoning my brain, poisoning me,
poisoning the,
way i live my life,
every single night,
sleepin with strife,
cuz the T.V. told me whats right,
whats next,
coat check protest,
cuz were all spineless like broke necks.

wash my sins and tumble dry,
a coin is on what most rely,
give two sniffs and call it clean,
have no cares long as it gleams,
pay no attention underneath
stitches come apart at seams,
wicked seamstress knows my secrets,
fixing pieces now she keeps it,
***** hamper tucked away,
filled with words too scared to say,
save them for a rainy day,
burn them all to keep it safe,
unload bags like charity,
smother squeels like parakeets,
flapping, flailing, i repeat,
same mistakes most every week,
wander back to laundry mat,
separate my whites from black,
poison bleach is my combat,
social accepted attack,
convinced its clean but its a lie,
wash my sins then tumble dry.