Where has my motivation gone?
It has grown wings
flap, flap, swoosh
There it is in the air
the black bird
falling to the ground
**dead

Hello, 2015
We're going to become well acquainted
Me and you, we're going to bring some more change
even more than 2014
Goodbye 2014,
we're through

I miss you
it's a weight on my chest
I just want you here
but that's nothing new, it's all the time
I'm a little too affectionate sometimes
or all the time
I want to be curled up to you
falling asleep
talking about nothing,
it's just the small things

Everyone always told me to be happy
no one really accepted how
I'm getting there
and maybe when you leave,
if you ever do,
I'll go back to being sad
but that's life
it's okay,
things go on
bring the happiness to yourself
let it be

The things that make you happy
should keep you happy
A face full of happiness,
lit up,
eyes bright,
smiling
it's the best thing
when people are happy
being excited about things
it warms my heart to see

Kisses from an angel

Love like a fire
and we're feeding the flame

Desire and passion
Lava is our blood

Bodies one on one
Intertwined

I feel so empty.
hollow.
broken.
scared.
tired.
cold.
wandering an empty world
with hollow souls
and broken smiles
scared minds
tired eyes
cold hands
and caged hearts
and high walls

Why me?
Avoid sitting by me
avoid eye contact
look at me like I don't belong near you.
At a table with friends
ignored.
not as important
as
what they had to do that day
in English class.
But I'm not important.
Forgotten in conversation,
cut off while talking
forgotten, forgotten, forgotten
like vegetables on a child's plate
or a napkin in a pant's pocket.
This is me
forgotten
never to be remembered.
School forgets me
thought my name was Brittany
Puts smart or athletics on a pedestal
but if you're like me
you don't matter
Forgotten in the wind
not to be remembered
by a soul.

I can't stop crying
I've cried for days
and I'm not talking a few tears
I mean to the point my head hurts
and I want to rip my eyes out of my head
Music isn't helping
Chocolate isn't healing
Sleeping isn't comforting
Because you don't leave my dreams

I know it's my fault.
I deleted you today,
in a fit of rage,
honestly.
Finally admitted why I did what I did
Never thought it'd hurt all this much
Couldn't take seeing you today
I feel shattered
and broke again
even if it was only a few minutes
I can't stop shaking still
No matter how hard I try

I'm sorry for all these things
I'm sorry I made you feel the way I did,
just know that you aren't.
You were always the one who did.
You were the reason I got up most days.
I know I never told you that,
I never acted like that,
but I told you why.

I know you found something else
they're not going to hurt you.
They'll make you happy.
They're not me.
They'll be who you need.
They're not going to **** up like I do.
They'll be the ones worth it.

Just promise me
that you'll be happy
no matter how much I break,
I'll eventually be okay
Not soon, maybe, but I'll be someday....

Vanilla ice cream
Smeared on soft pink lips
Lean in for a kiss
Nearly miss
Sunset winds
Start again.

I like to watch the sun rise
because you'll never know when you'll die
when the light in your heart
isn't so bright
as the street lamps at night
as the sun in the sky
I like to watch the sun set
when the clouds go away
and the sky is dark
and you wonder why
you're not enough
then forget it all
because you have love
and you're watching the sun
up above

At the point where
I don't know why I'm still trying to impress you
make you proud of me,
because all you do is scream
tell me I could be better.
You can say whatever
but tonight I'm not coming undone.
I tried, and it's good enough for me
I can't do any more.
I've done the best I can
and you only want more

There's someone in my heart
whom I've almost lost
Who means the world to me.
He has black hair
and emerald eyes
A kissable mouth
To no surprise.
His kisses are heaven
and our cuddles are loving
and I'm just a brat
who takes everything too seriously
and cries at the drop of a hat
I try so hard
but sometimes it's not enough to me
I love him,
he loves me,
at least most of the time.
Sometimes I think
he may wish I was someone else,
someone sweeter,
nicer,
nothing like me
but then he says he loves me
and I forget those thoughts
and I know he does
just sometimes I don't love myself

You can hate me for not saying I love you. You can hate me for not being able to express things the same way you do. You can hate me for the way I do things. You can call me a pathetic *****, a coward, worthless. Go ahead. I’ve probably heard it a thousand times and I started believing it a long time ago. Go ahead and insult me, my music, the way I talk, walk, breathe, live. Go right ahead and be my guest.

Go ahead and go to her, we all know she’s funnier, prettier, and she’s not a total ******* loser like me. That’s cool. It’s not the first time, everyone prefers her. Some people actually see who the better person is in all aspects - hint hint, it’s not me.

Go back to not thinking I exist. Forget my existence.

A little bit ago,
I found a notebook.
And inside,
was notes from you,
the lyrics of your favorite song
sprawled out on a page,
written in blotchy black ink,
and a combination
of your messy but pretty hand,
and my sloppy one.
Random quotes from our time together,
staring at me.
Everyone asks me if I regret us,
and the answer is always no.
I'll never regret the times we had,
and I have let go.
Since then we've stayed friends,
and I wouldn't change a thing.
Just a little bit ago,
you messaged me.
Just a little bit ago.

"You can't write."
Yes, I can
I'm writing now
Whether it's good or not,
I don't care.
If you like it,
do it,
chase it,
achieve it,
don't let anyone take your happiness from you.
If it makes you happy,
that's all that matters.
You don't have to be discouraged
you can do whatever you want to.

Getting told you can't do something,
or you're bad at it,
it can be crushing.
there's always going to be someone
that doesn't find you to be
their cup of tea
and that's alright,
you don't have to be.
Besides, not everyone likes tea.
You're not going to be perfect,
that doesn't exist.
It's a dream that we will never reach.
Stop chasing something that is just a myth.
You're you, that's okay

Things are going to change
for the better
I can't keep going on with friends that only hurt me
and grades continuously dropping
I'm going to try so much harder
in everything I do
and not just lay in bed
all day
wondering what's wrong with me
I'm going to try to get better
and hopefully,
I'll do.

"You eat too much"
I've ate twice in the past week
and I've threw up the first time
I've lost 10 pounds
throughout the past few months
I only weigh 91 pounds now
It isn't my fault,
that I have to eat...
I've ate twice,
this week.
and I didn't finish either meal..
but yet I eat too much...
Here, just let me stop eating
maybe then you'll see
the thoughts inside my head
are enough for me

I'm the kind of person
who only stays around long enough to help someone
and to put them on their feet
and help them realize,
how good they can be
and when they leave,
I smile and I wave
because what I'm here to do
is help
and I know I'm going to be left in the dust
and that's alright by me.
As long as I can help you,
that's all I need

I'm here.
I'm there.
I'm unwanted.
Unneeded.
I don't feel wanted
I don't feel needed
I don't feel okay
I don't feel ******* anything but sadness
and love

I write to show
I write to feel
What do I feel?
Even I don't know.

When you're with me,
I feel no pain,
I feel loved,
Wanted again.
I wish I could say that for more than a few.
But I'm content if it's just you.
Your hands, they leave me breathless
Your kisses, they leave me wanting more
Your love, it makes me crave you
in a million different forms.

i just wanna know why
why i'm never good enough
for anything, for anyone
why am i always the selfish one
why can't i just want to make myself happy
why do i devote myself to fixing people
that don't care if i'm anywhere close to whole
why do i live my life to other's expectations
i'm feel like i'm living someone else's life
i'm living for someone else
and i just don't feel happy
or whole or loved or appreciated or
hell,
i don't feel ******* real
and i really just don't know why.

I want us to be two people
Separate spirits, but together in form.
but all we do is fight,
argue,
I mess up all the time,
maybe it would be better if we weren't,
if we didn't have each other
so scared to lose
everyone has told me
you're no good  for me
and I'm no good for you,
any eye could see.
I have more to say,
not the words to say it with
nor the soul to let them out
I'm a mess that won't be cleaned
that keeps getting worse,
I'm a problem that has no answer,
I'm a nightmare that never ends
I don't see how you love me
I'm not sure why
For as hell has it's fire,
I am a **** up
I am indecisive
Confusing, annoying, hateful, worthless
I'm no more than dirt on the ground
Everyone else leaves, why won't you,
Anyone can see why you should
You know the best of anyone
You see why people leave
more than anyone.