I just wanna feel okay
One day
Without hating myself
regretting the things I do
A day without the thought
that I don't matter
I'm insignificant
Just one day
I'm so tired of being hurt
"needing therapy"
not wanting to get out of bed
so tired of people leaving
people assuming
tired of music not helping,
when it's the only thing that ever did,
so tired of no sleep,
dark eyes for days,
from the fight with my mind.
I'm so tired of being me,
and ruining everything I've ever loved,
ever needed,
I'm so tired of being the way I am,
and not changing.

I want us to be two people
Separate spirits, but together in form.
but all we do is fight,
argue,
I mess up all the time,
maybe it would be better if we weren't,
if we didn't have each other
so scared to lose
everyone has told me
you're no good  for me
and I'm no good for you,
any eye could see.
I have more to say,
not the words to say it with
nor the soul to let them out
I'm a mess that won't be cleaned
that keeps getting worse,
I'm a problem that has no answer,
I'm a nightmare that never ends
I don't see how you love me
I'm not sure why
For as hell has it's fire,
I am a **** up
I am indecisive
Confusing, annoying, hateful, worthless
I'm no more than dirt on the ground
Everyone else leaves, why won't you,
Anyone can see why you should
You know the best of anyone
You see why people leave
more than anyone.

Here we are
I knew it would end up like this
Feel like I'm drowning
yet again
always saved the moment before I do
it's always my fault
I hold my head under,
not wanting to come up
there's not an effort to be made
because there's no point to me,
everyone leaves anyway
I'm too much to handle,
not good enough
just a mess too big to clean up
don't know why you still try,
I would have given a long time ago
I **** you off,
make you mad,
upset you,
and I hate it
but it's not going to change

Some nights I really just break down
Standing on a broken bridge
of empty promises
with a sea of words that I don't know how to take
crashing below,
splashing my bare feet
a moon shining overhead
stars twinkling, the words I've never said

Other nights,
I stand on the same bridge
and it's made of happiness
with a sea of words that I've said
splashing at my bare feet
contented breezes blow
the same moon is overhead
and the stars are still twinkling
but this time,
they aren't regrets

Forever just a failure
with dark circles
and tired eyes
small shaky hands
messed up face
just as messy hair
music too loud
maybe ****** in the head
anxious thoughts
intense fear in crowds
only feel at home in between music notes
indecisive
never know what's wanted
needed
deserved
not what's desired
hates going places
deserves all the hate
never eats what's on the plate
can't keep a friendship
forever unhealthy looking
either too big or too small
the quiet thing that no one notices
always tired, always sleeping
just a failure by design
not a **** thing is right

I always said I'd never get attached again
but I did
oh god I did
and it's been up and down
but I wouldn't change it
some things just happen
and this was one of them

Everyone tells me I have a way with people
I make them leave
and it's true
and I've accepted that
but I don't want you to leave

It's you and me and all of the people,
with nothing to do,
and nothing to prove
to quote my favorite song

I know I tend to just let people see what they deserve
and that's usually not me,
it's better than I
but that's alright.
that's okay.
That's all I'm here to do,
lift you up to the stars,
and wave from the ground,
and you'll not remember the speck of earthly dust
as you're floating in the clouds

I miss you
it's a weight on my chest
I just want you here
but that's nothing new, it's all the time
I'm a little too affectionate sometimes
or all the time
I want to be curled up to you
falling asleep
talking about nothing,
it's just the small things

Everyone always told me to be happy
no one really accepted how
I'm getting there
and maybe when you leave,
if you ever do,
I'll go back to being sad
but that's life
it's okay,
things go on
bring the happiness to yourself
let it be

The things that make you happy
should keep you happy
A face full of happiness,
lit up,
eyes bright,
smiling
it's the best thing
when people are happy
being excited about things
it warms my heart to see