I know you don’t feel how I feel, and that’s okay, I’m okay with that. It’s insurmountable though, the way I feel. I don’t want to have any day where I don’t live with you, wake up with you, wait on you to get off work to have dinner with you. These are things I know  you don’t really consider, and that’s because you don’t feel the way I do. But it’s so hard for me. To know you are moving, to know you are leaving. I could spend every single day with you.
You are the funniest, most intelligent, most considerate, amazing person I have ever met. I have soaked up every single moment I have spent with you these last few months, and even though **** happened, you really are the first person to make me feel appreciated and seen. Maybe you don’t do all the extra stuff because we never reached that level, but you have just been a good person to me. You are wonderful, and I wish so badly that I could make you feel the way I feel. But you can’t force people to see someone a certain way, can you? It didn’t matter what we did here, the only way I would have never gotten attached is if I literally ****** and left and never talked to you, and the reason I say that is because in any other scenario I am always going to see you, spend time with you, learn what kind of person you are, and fall in love with you all over again. Im sorry for all the stress and worry, I am sorry for clawing at you like a satin table cloth slipping off a polished wood dining table to stay. I just wanted to spend every moment with you. I don’t think anyone would feel differently than how I do.

Boys want this
And boys want that
Dress this way so you will get a boy
Sit up straight
Cross your legs
So the boy doesn’t think
You are trash
Wear pants
Don’t make eye contact
With the boy
He’ll
Eat you up
Won’t he
It’s his world
That’s what they tell you
But he’ll give you roses
He’ll love you
And they’ve taught him to be gentle
But somehow never cry
Because it’s your job
To be weak

And if you aren’t careful
Love will eat you up

I can’t remember anymore
What is it like
When someone can not
Keep their lips from yours
I am lonely and it’s late
That’s the only reason I care
I am numb
Over and over
I feel nothing

I know if I heard your voice
I’d simply melt
arms around me would
Be my death
I’m getting old
You are getting old
Is this what it takes
I think of you every day

I can’t possibly understand how it could be anyone other than you
I thought maybe we finally had our chance
Our day beneath the honeysuckle
I miss you
Trying to figure out why you’d stop
Talking to me
I want to finally share that meal
So much time has passed and
I’m almost 30 now
Please call me
Please call me

I wish you’d call
A thousand times I wish you’d call
But instead I’m up at midnight
Making eggs in a basket
Thinking of you
How much I love you

A hopeless romantic thinks they will crumble when their soulmate builds a life with someone else
But a logical person knows we can survive this, if we push on
And that suffering can be so much worse
Do you think if you couldn’t see the sunrise anymore
You would still miss it
Or wouldn’t it just become your new normal

I thought of you today
I thought of our moment in time
Our moment in space
I played our song
I think of records
Sunshine and coffee
The life we could have had
If they had let us

I am cursed to create fires where they shouldn’t be
And I fan the flames because I can’t help it

Me and my love
We are lifetimes apart
And so we spend lifetimes alone
Until we find each other
Again
In one universe
In one moment

I cannot live another eight years
without burying my face in your chest again
I understand what it means
To burn for someone
I’ve thought about it so much
Over and over and over again
I hope I see you again

Who are we
But
Grains of eroded rock
Sand
On an even larger rock

No buildings
Out of bone
Though

Somedays
I feel too pretty for you
And others
I crawl beneath your shoes
And ask you to
Step on me

Time still
Changes everything

Even if you choose
To stay still

Don’t you know
That I know it’s you everytime
Please talk to me

I self destruct
5
4
3
2
1

Living this life
Without you
Everyday wondering
How how how
Do I go on

Dillan
I miss you today
I miss you every day

Don’t you miss me
Isn’t it unbearable
How are you happy
Can I be happy too
Please
Can I be happy too

I like you
Ok
Is that what you
Wanted to hear

Yes
Yes
Yes

I miss you, I love you, I miss you, I love you
Talking to you is something irreplaceable
My soul lights on fire with simple words
And I’m reminded
I’m never alone with you here in this world
Even when you are silent
Isn’t it a fact that we always find each other
I love you, I miss you

I am the rabbit
You are the carrot
Dangling on a string
Is that all we are doomed to be?

I look for any way to speak to you
But there is nothing
Only what we have

If you had told me
I’d lose my sanity in my 20s
Play
Mental
Slip
And
Slide


I would have asked you
To **** me right then
Do me a favor
Do everyone a favor

I am baking in the sunshine
Basking in the mighty height of Oregon trees
I just wanted to share that with you
I wanted to tell you that even when you aren’t here
Even when you are combing your daughters hair
And even when I’m standing on this mountain
I love you

Last night I dreamt
We shared a meal
And you were smiling
I was smiling too

That’s it
Isn’t it
I’m here
You are there
And maybe in a few years I’ll see you again
But it’s unbearable to think of
It comes crashing down on me like a tidal wave
I could fall to my knees and
Beg god to hear your voice

I am not supposed to be here
I am supposed to be with you
So please make it quick
Take me with you

I miss you today
I miss you every day
I love you and I say it out loud to myself sometimes
Growing up makes me want to put sticks in my eyes
Because it should all be easier than this
It should be easier for me to see you
And I wish we could go back
To the camper
Sitting outside
Talking for hours
But this time instead of being an idiot
I would go to the back with you
Lay down in the room
I really love you man and I miss you
And I miss you I miss you I miss you
The more I say it, I’m just trying to drill it in
I hope you can hear it

So it goes
The same song
Repeating
Repeating
Repeating
In my head

I forget it
I forget you
White noise

It doesnt matter who I want to be
I dont want to be me.

And
If you are reading these
Why don’t you just call me
I miss you

Is that you
Calling me from
Unknown numbers

Or am I dreaming

Tired of being used
For parts to fill
Yourself with
Use up until
You feel whole
Taking pieces of me
Taking pieces of me
Empty
Every time you leave me

Give me one day of peace
One day where you don’t
Cross my mind

Sometimes
I think about the brief moment in time and space
where I experienced real love
With someone who loved me back
Someone who wanted to be with me
And sacrificed it all

I wonder if we can be together when we’re old

And then I move along with the regularly scheduled programming
Just another day
Another moment

How’s making it work
Going for you

If I could dial you now I would
A speed dial situation for sure
Remembering a voice is so strange
Isn’t it
I remember your life and the way you say certain phrases
There’s no one else I’d rather be having a full hearted conversation with
Don’t make me wait until
I’m a raisin the sun

Hey Dill
I miss you

I miss you
I love you
I wish I could see you
All the usual things

Give me a sign
Let me know
You are listening to me
Please
I won’t say anything

Silly when I think
Or feel
Like this isn’t
The inevitable end
But I know in my heart
I’ll never hear you again
“Hey dood”
Waiting for you to call
Checking the mail to see if you wrote
Checking here for messages
Why can’t I give you up

My skin burns for you
Even if you don’t think of me
Your gaze turns me to

Speak to me again
Speak to me one more time

Pathetically I scramble and scrape
Any reason to have you look in my direction

I am on the edge burning for you
Your lips like fire
Dripping with flames

Think of me again
Think of me one more time

Can I make your heart race
Like you make mine?

Sometimes,

Every little thing

Gets

Under

My

Skin

And no I won’t settle
Settle for some boy
Promising the moon and stars
Only to show up
Smelling like alcohol
with
Tin foil ***** and cardboard pieces
In hand

I deserve worship
Worship me
Fall down to your knees
I want someone thirsty to
Taste me

I am made up of the
Mountains and oceans
Dark skies and pastel summer days
I won’t settle
For some
Boy

Have you ever been in love?
It eats you
It consumes your body
Toes to head
Wildfire takes over
And it burns you up
How did you exist without
That’s what you will ask yourself
Have you ever been in love?

If you were my girlfriend
I would have treated you better
That’s what he said
It’s a good thing I’m not
And we just live together
And sleep together
And eat dinner together

There is no rhyme or reason
For why I met you
There is no bigger picture
But ****
You made my heart ache
And I wish I made you feel that way

All the decorations on his walls, were hung up by me.
I pushed the tacks in the wall, the ones you look at while you **** him.