I was ready to be done now
And I never wanted to be ready again
Ready to be ready
And not done
I’m tired of them
Putting their hands
And words all over me
I’d rather be alone
They take up my time
To be free

Are you a good person who does bad things?
Or are you a bad person who does good things?

You cant tiptoe the line.
You either are or are not.
But in the same aspect,
You cant always be one thing.

**** humanity.

He called my name with love
And he touched me with
Nice, soft hands
I crumpled like paper
His gentleness far too heavy for me
I only wanted people
Who would
Wear
Me
Down

I self destruct
5
4
3
2
1

I don’t
Want to
Be close
To you
Anymore

I get solace in knowing,
even if you keep pretending my blood
isnt yours,
I am
I am.

Who are we
But
Grains of eroded rock
Sand
On an even larger rock

No buildings
Out of bone
Though

I can’t possibly understand how it could be anyone other than you
I thought maybe we finally had our chance
Our day beneath the honeysuckle
I miss you
Trying to figure out why you’d stop
Talking to me
I want to finally share that meal
So much time has passed and
I’m almost 30 now
Please call me
Please call me

“I love her more than ever now”
“When you call it goes through silently”
I keep reading them
Over
And
Over
And
Over

I’m glad I could help you
Find yourself

I still have trouble
Believing
Every moment
Every warm moment
Wrapped in ecstasy
They were all
Lies

I am under your finger tips
Trembling for you
Your name escapes my lips

His words were warm
Like a dollop of hot butter
Sliding down a stack of pancakes

I hate his stupid smile,
I hate his stupid face.

I can safely say
If you picked up the phone
And you called me
Today
Tomorrow
Whenever
I would be so ******* weak

I don’t know what to do
I can’t stop thinking about you

I didn’t want to be here
I didn’t want to be anywhere

Escaping in my head
Into every pair of eyes
I found
Myself
Lost in beauty
Lost in love

Focus, Focus
I couldn’t focus

Think and think
Drink and drink
So you can’t anymore

I have so much love in me
It surges through my fingertips
I can’t stop thinking about you
You and me

And if I don’t think too hard
I’m okay with this, I’m okay with us
I’m okay with you taking my ******* breath away every time I look at you
I put it in a box in the corner
Somewhere with the rest of the ****
That hurts me

I just don’t understand
This cruel world
Where in any universe
We aren’t together, resting our heads on each other, tracing finger tips

And baby I can firmly say,
I’m wasting my ******* time with anyone else,
Because you are it, you are it,

And if the stars were right outside
I’d take you to Vegas and say I do
Because I love you

I just can’t say it
Because if I don’t think too hard
I’m okay
I’m okay with this

Today
I miss you
I open my eyes
And
I
Miss
You

*******.

And
I know
If someone wants you
They will truly do
Anything
To make that happen

It happened for me once.

You know
I’d do anything
Just for you

And I can’t promise
Ease
I can’t promise
Perfection
But I’ll stand next to you
I’ll hold your hand

And I don’t have much
But I’ll give you everything I have

You know,
I’d do anything,
Just
For
You

Up late
And I ache for you
I think of you
I think of you

I could have
Been
Good enough

I will always
Love you
Enough

I loved you
It took the air out of my lungs
When she looked at you
Looked at you
Like sweet ripe fruit
Juicy for the taking
I loved you
I loved you
I loved you
But it didn’t ******* matter
“I hope it works out, I’m glad you had a good time”
Can I tell you
Lies eat me open
From the inside out

Oh to be waiting around
On another boy
Another boy
Who didn’t see me right there

He made his bed
And he should lie in it
Without me

He can’t be in the middle
Me
Her
Me
Her

Why can I ever ******* be enough?

If he loves you he’d be here
If he loves you he’d of stayed
That is what they all say

I don’t want to be in anyone’s way
I don’t want to stay
Here
There
Anywhere

So I’ll crumple
And crawl underneath your feet
Step on me
Step on me

And Dear God
Please, ******* help me
Because it’s just so hard to be sober
When my choices
Cant be made over

I hope when you wash your hair
Fleeting moments radiate through the air
Your hand up my thigh
A passionate kiss
I hope they never leave your head
I hope you wish and wish
That she were me
And you realize
You let me be

And in the thick of the dark night blanketing over us, as I laid there next to him, he said “I can usually always tell”
“with this person I was a little confused, with this other person I was also a little confused, usually there is always some moment where I can tell, but with you I can see no difference, no confusion”
Those words sat in my chest and permeated through me, like hot Texas heat taking up every inch of your body, baking.

Bone breaking,
Aching,
Loneliness,
It’s the marrow in your bones now,
Seeping out,
When they crack open

I couldn’t find meaning in
Mirror
So I looked for it
In his eyes
A stranger
Doomed when I was
Let down
Because I didn’t find
My worth inside of there

My hopeless shot in the dark
A cry for help
So hard to love
Because I couldn’t love myself

She said she worries
But I’m not worried
I want to breathe her air
And wrap her around me

She is beautiful
The Sun sets in her eyes
And rises with her smile

And God,
I am so lucky to know her

And even when I did not want to be around anyone else in the world
I just wanted to be with you
Why do you not feel that way

what does it mean when you cant get someone out of your head

sometimes you lie awake and think about their face in bed

Even though they are there and you are here, both of you possessing different warm bodies

Does it mean your just obsessing and the stressing is making it worse

Some kind of thrill in wondering if they thought of you too

Looked at you down to your shoes, hanging on every word you say as it drips from your mouth propelling them down into a puddle

It means nothing

So you say go

And the words crash to the floor like glass

So many pieces I cant pick up

Here you are
Standing in the mirror
Beside yourself
Inbetwix yourself
Don’t listen
Don’t listen to what they say

If you take the time
To read this
If you ever
Check this again


I want you to know
I hate you
For all the pain you have caused me
No explanation
No goodbye
I will always remember this
I am worth so much more
I was a fool for trusting you
It’s even worse that you were glad I did
I want you to know
Everything you said
Every word
Every drop
I believe it was a lie now
You are the worst kind of person
I’m glad I dodged the bullet
How could you hurt me
How could you do this to me 3 times
How could I let you
I want you to know
I dont want to see you
Or anything about your life
Please
I love you so much
And now I need need to hate you
I want you to know
This wasn’t easier

A thousand other universes
Where your finger tips
Brush my finger tips

I wish I was there staring up at your ceiling
Breathing your air

Buy me one more day
Cant be anywhere other than there

You'd never recognize me now

Some weeks are harder than others
Some days, harder than other days
And most of the time I wonder
What it’s like to not be swimming against
my own current of thoughts in my brain

That was that
My hands were shaken
The dust was clean from me

I am never ready
For the feeling that
My body is too heavy
To pick up

The feeling that
I’m not steady

I wish I could know you
Maybe some other time
Maybe some other life

I’ll daydream about you for now

I don’t need him
He don’t need me
And we find each other beneath
Raw sheets
Please answer me
I say
Why would it be that way
He say
But he never calls
The next day

What’s it like
To be
Serene

Too use to the
Pain
You and everyone else
Has caused me
I cant cry anymore
I cant cry
I feel the hollow spot
Sit
In my chest

You spend so much chasing time

That you are wasting it

By trying to experience it

One day
I’ll be everything to someone

Disappointment
And a shame
I thought that was you

I have enough people
Who want pieces of me

As long as we could
Behave

As long as we could
Not act like monsters;

But we were monsters

All of us.

There has to be more to
Life
Than what I will spend it on
For a paycheck

Most days I sit somewhere
Between
Thinking about tying a rope
Around my ceiling fan
And then
Being greatful for the
Love
I get to experience as
Your mother because
I live this life
But I make sure
You never know the first part

Another day
Another day my phone doesn’t ring at 5:30 on the dot anymore
Another day without your voice at the end of it
Just another day