I don’t know
I don’t know if I can handle the loneliness
It sits inside of me
It breathes
And it aches
Of its own volition

When can I put my head above the water again
Why am I drowning myself
My muscles are heavy
I am heavy
Until I am not anymore

There is a loneliness
That lingers here
Without you

I wonder when you’ll realize
You love me
And you miss me
Probably on my wedding night

Stupid *****
Huh
That’s what’s you said
I’ll show you why I’m the most intelligent
*****
In this room
No ***** you can grab
Me by

Boys don’t ride on horses
Or speak carefully
Boys break bones
And they
Bellow with rage
Guttural scream
Boys are not gentle
They do not smell
Of cream

Since I have left
I have been to Oregon
I have been to Colorado
I have been to Florida
And New York

Why did you keep me inside

And do you think
When you move
You’ll think of me
Staring over breathless
Horizons
Will you wish
You could share it
With me
And when your drunk
And you are lonely,
And you find
Some girl in your bed,
Will I be in your head?
Will you think of how
I fit into you
And how you fit into me?

The only time
Any man saw me
Was with
Eyes closed
Hands open

Sometimes
I sit here in the silent moments
And I live in the mornings
I could have shared with you
Coffee and jazz

But that wasn’t for us
Was it

Memories moving
Like movies
Flipping fervently
Trying to
Find you

And no I won’t settle
Settle for some boy
Promising the moon and stars
Only to show up
Smelling like alcohol
with
Tin foil ***** and cardboard pieces
In hand

I deserve worship
Worship me
Fall down to your knees
I want someone thirsty to
Taste me

I am made up of the
Mountains and oceans
Dark skies and pastel summer days
I won’t settle
For some
Boy

Silly when I think
Or feel
Like this isn’t
The inevitable end
But I know in my heart
I’ll never hear you again
“Hey dood”
Waiting for you to call
Checking the mail to see if you wrote
Checking here for messages
Why can’t I give you up

You can take her
Take her to see all the things
We would have seen
The Grand Canyon
Hawaii
Paris
But emptiness will follow you
Everywhere
Because
You know
It should have been
Me

Give me a sign
Let me know
You are listening to me
Please
I won’t say anything

Living this life
Without you
Everyday wondering
How how how
Do I go on

Don’t make me wait
Pick up the phone
Call me
I’ll answer
We can talk and talk
I just want to hear you

I love you
And
As much as I’d like to
Hate you
All I want is the best
For you
I want you to be happy
I want you to know
I will always always
Love you

You’re unhappy without me
I can feel it
So
Why don’t you just
Come home

I don’t trust you
Not as far as I can
Throw you
Which wouldn’t be far
On a account of your being
6”3
and my being
5”4
But I miss you
I miss your arms
And the way you scooped me up
I miss you longer than the longest
Days or nights
Every poem is about
Missing
You

You will always stop
Time
For me

Lie in your bed
Alone but
Never alone
Lie in it

I got a tattoo
Of a honeysuckle today
To remind me of you
And that
Rainy
April Day

You could have said
You don’t want me
And don’t flatter yourself
I didn’t do what I did
Because of you

Don’t you miss me
Isn’t it unbearable
How are you happy
Can I be happy too
Please
Can I be happy too

You are a
liar, coward, cheat

Why did you speak to me?

Was I light reading for the morning
Was I even that anymore
Or did you just erase me
Get rid of me

I hope you think about me
Every
Single
Day

I cry so deep
I feel the river flowing through
My chest
Deep, white water, ripping through me

I can’t believe you did this
You did this again

I am under your finger tips
Trembling for you
Your name escapes my lips

I couldn’t find meaning in
Mirror
So I looked for it
In his eyes
A stranger
Doomed when I was
Let down
Because I didn’t find
My worth inside of there

My hopeless shot in the dark
A cry for help
So hard to love
Because I couldn’t love myself

So if I meant something
Mean it
Mean what you say
And do it
Fire beneath your finger tips
I’ll be ash

I’d say I don’t care about you anymore
But what am I supposed to do
We built this whole life
Together
We made a life
Together

Now I’m building it apart
Stranger through the
Looking glass
And that’s who you are
Why didnt you tell me

He does not care
If he makes you lay there
Say okay,
Until you can breathe again

Thank you for being
Someone
And
Somewhere
Safe for me

Baby, I'm gone, gone
I am so gone from here.

I'm gonna spread out far to the edges and over,

I'm gonna spill out, just like that milk you always ******* cried over

I'm gonna cover the earth,
And baby I'm gone from here.

I loved you to the ends of the earth and back
Because not every hill was shaved perfectly
Not every beautiful curve of the earth dips perfectly
There is magma and typhoons
And I love you

And even when I did not want to be around anyone else in the world
I just wanted to be with you
Why do you not feel that way

I sat here wishing I could get to know you
Already assuming you wanted to know me

what does it mean when you cant get someone out of your head

sometimes you lie awake and think about their face in bed

Even though they are there and you are here, both of you possessing different warm bodies

Does it mean your just obsessing and the stressing is making it worse

Some kind of thrill in wondering if they thought of you too

Looked at you down to your shoes, hanging on every word you say as it drips from your mouth propelling them down into a puddle

It means nothing

So you say go

And the words crash to the floor like glass

So many pieces I cant pick up

There is no rhyme or reason
For why I met you
There is no bigger picture
But ****
You made my heart ache
And I wish I made you feel that way

Bone breaking,
Aching,
Loneliness,
It’s the marrow in your bones now,
Seeping out,
When they crack open

Then I thought about how
You only make me cry
Bone breaking loneliness
Creeping all inside

My skin burns for you
Even if you don’t think of me
Your gaze turns me to

Speak to me again
Speak to me one more time

Pathetically I scramble and scrape
Any reason to have you look in my direction

I am on the edge burning for you
Your lips like fire
Dripping with flames

Think of me again
Think of me one more time

Can I make your heart race
Like you make mine?

I want to whisper words
That make you think about me
Before you fall asleep

She said she worries
But I’m not worried
I want to breathe her air
And wrap her around me

She is beautiful
The Sun sets in her eyes
And rises with her smile

And God,
I am so lucky to know her

And be thankful you are alive
Because
Without you
They would have never met at all
If it hadn’t been for you
He’d still be getting married
And they would just be coworkers

And in either scenario
You realize
With or without you
He’d have gone on
Life would have gone on

You are lucky.
Lucky I’m willing to crawl back into my safety
Away from you.
Lucky I haven’t told her everything again.
You are lucky.

Nevermind
I take it all back

I keep waiting
Patiently waiting
For him
To be aching
And feigning for me
Waiting for when he decides
He cannot get enough of me

I’ll turn to dust
Before my dreams turn to
Stone