Passion
Kissing
Glances
Touches filled with fire
I am on an island so
Far away from these things
I ******* over and over
Just like you **** me over and over
But then that’s different
Can’t let each other go
But it’s okay because there is nothing
Waiting for me over there
Nothing in the sea
Or somewhere else
I sit here with you
I tell myself it’s because I want to
Not because I don’t respect myself
I’ve heard you say this is
A dead end
Point blank
Straight down
It falls out of your mouth often
There will be no flowers or
Candle lit dinners
Even when we laugh
And spend sun up to sun down
Every day
Conversations go into the wee hours
Why do you bother asking me
Intimate things
Over and over and over
But you never called me beautiful
So atleast we have that
I’m on an island
So far from passion
Or the idea of someone telling me
“I can’t get
Enough of you”
Because I can’t breathe long enough
To get away from you
I tell myself that I do this to myself

Hey dear
I just came here to say
I still love you
And I don’t know if it’s ever gonna get better
But I’m so glad
You are happy without me

I hope you are reading this
In fact I hope you save this
Sometimes I think about kissing you
I think about our bodies pressed against each other
Big hands gripping my thighs
It’s the first night I brought you back to my apartment
We are on the little couch
But it’s more than that
I think about how
Heaven
Met
Earth
In between
Our thighs

I can safely say
If you picked up the phone
And you called me
Today
Tomorrow
Whenever
I would be so ******* weak

I have no words
When you lie
Here I sit
Stupid
You hate me
I get it
I have no words
So I'll sit here while you scream and yell
Drop it, just forget it, it's not even a big deal
I have no more words
I give up on you
I give up on you

Think and think
Drink and drink
So you can’t anymore

Are you a good person who does bad things?
Or are you a bad person who does good things?

You cant tiptoe the line.
You either are or are not.
But in the same aspect,
You cant always be one thing.

**** humanity.

I couldn’t find meaning in
Mirror
So I looked for it
In his eyes
A stranger
Doomed when I was
Let down
Because I didn’t find
My worth inside of there

My hopeless shot in the dark
A cry for help
So hard to love
Because I couldn’t love myself

I’m starting to slip again
Reverting back again
Down the necks of bottles
Give it to me straight

I don’t want to be awake
I don’t want to feel this pain

Sadness usually consumes me
At some point
It’s like I’ve been running a marathon
Things are getting personal
But I can clear my mind
If I try hard enough
I only get sad
Sometimes
You can’t say that out loud though
People start to worry
It’s days like that I wish
We all just said what’s on our minds
I’m ******* miserable
How about you
Maybe miserable as well
I start thinking
Why aren’t people more honest
Why does honesty terrify them
So much

Here you are
Standing in the mirror
Beside yourself
Inbetwix yourself
Don’t listen
Don’t listen to what they say

I sat here wishing I could get to know you
Already assuming you wanted to know me

I hate to be home
And I hate to be tied down
Feet on pavement
But also wanted to bathe in gold
A tale of how
To ****
Your soul

If you take the time
To read this
If you ever
Check this again


I want you to know
I hate you
For all the pain you have caused me
No explanation
No goodbye
I will always remember this
I am worth so much more
I was a fool for trusting you
It’s even worse that you were glad I did
I want you to know
Everything you said
Every word
Every drop
I believe it was a lie now
You are the worst kind of person
I’m glad I dodged the bullet
How could you hurt me
How could you do this to me 3 times
How could I let you
I want you to know
I dont want to see you
Or anything about your life
Please
I love you so much
And now I need need to hate you
I want you to know
This wasn’t easier

I can feel you
Thinking about me
I assume
This is the only place
You still see
Maybe not
Maybe I’m crazy

Life is ok
And then I remember
Here we are on the same earth
Getting older apart from each other
And God,
That’s gotta be a sin somewhere
I wonder if I get on my hands and knees
And pray
Will I get to be near you again
My soul is thirsty for only
Something
You
Can quench

****
I wish it were me
Instead of her
I love you so much

Cascade down me,

The way clouds caress,

A mountains rough edges

I wonder why
Everytime you had a chance
You didn’t run home to me

You won’t say it
You won’t let me know
But I know
You are thinking of me too

All the decorations on his walls, were hung up by me.
I pushed the tacks in the wall, the ones you look at while you **** him.

Loving you is like faith
I can’t see you, hear you, smell you
But I know you are all around me
I wake up and feel you enveloping my space
I wish you knew how much I endlessly and eternally loved you

What’s it like
To be
Serene

Small things only mattered now
We take pieces of ourselves for granted
I am telling you
When you lose chunks so big
A quiet night in
With small conversation
Is something special and dear to you
I wish I could give you my eyes
To see what I have seen

But then maybe
You'd just give them back to me
I think that's why most of the time
I would rather be asleep
Small things only mattered now.

I wake up now and I forget
But sometimes, in the early hours
I wake up and I can’t understand how you are miles away laying next to her
I roll over and stare at the ceiling
The whir of the fan in the background
The popcorn of the ceiling being kissed by the dimmed lamp from the 90s that has a turn dial on it
I sigh and I think to myself
“Why do I have these miserable thoughts and he gets to be so happy”
And then I think
Maybe this is why I have these miserable thoughts
I cared far too much
And he never cared enough
It’s been a year now-
So it’s easier
The mornings and hours I spend on them now
Are few and far between

I hope it all makes it’s way to you
Some way
Some how

An ache so deep that
There are no more words
You begin to feel like
You’ll never meet anyone again
Constantly comparing everyone
To all of the good in you

Life was so much more than black and white

It was red yellow grey turquoise manilla

He could love you

And he could *******

But he could still love someone else

I feel selfish
For saying
I deserve more
I deserve better

Do you think I’ll be better
Better ever?
I am afraid of death
and dying.
Nothing, is a deep leap to hop into.
Nothing.
I’ve never been fond of heights.
Will I make it to 30?
Do you think I’ll ever be better?
Can I be better ever?
I want to be normal
I’m tired
I could use a rest
I want to be like the rest
I am afraid of death
And dying.
Do you think I will ever get better?

I miss you so much
I’m begging so badly I would pull my heart out if you need
Give me a chance
Let me talk to you
Call me please
I can not stop thinking about you

Before I slip away
Again
Underneath my own skin
Tell me
You love me
You love me

Before I push you away
Again
In front of this monster
Hold me
Hold me

I’m okay
I’m okay
Until I’m not

You remember passion is there
And then like a wave
It subsides
Leaving you
Marooned in reality
But I love you anyway
I love you fiercely right down to my bones

This can’t be this hard
For just me
Right?
Right???

Oh
You
Hate me

I am never ready
For the feeling that
My body is too heavy
To pick up

The feeling that
I’m not steady

You know how it feels without me
How can you live with this
Don’t you miss my voice
Don’t you miss my laugh
I miss you
I get so lost in you
Please
Please
Don’t tell me I’ll
Never
Feel like you made me feel
Again

“I love her more than ever now”
“When you call it goes through silently”
I keep reading them
Over
And
Over
And
Over

I’m glad I could help you
Find yourself

Dillan, I can’t stop thinking about you
I just want to hear from you

The only time
Any man saw me
Was with
Eyes closed
Hands open

Don’t you see
I’m so in
Love with you
Listen,
I can’t live without you
And I wish you were
Near me now

Boys don’t ride on horses
Or speak carefully
Boys break bones
And they
Bellow with rage
Guttural scream
Boys are not gentle
They do not smell
Of cream

You say
You’re so much sometimes

And I say to that
Well sometimes,
You are not enough

I could be half way around the world
Looking at the most breath taking things
And then it hits me like a train
I miss you so much
It makes me ache

I cry so deep
I feel the river flowing through
My chest
Deep, white water, ripping through me

I can’t believe you did this
You did this again

We were doomed from the start
But I love you
I love you still

I thought I heard something like
you calling my name
But it was just the wind
Rustling through these trees and leaves
It’s so still
You might be able to hear
Gods whisper though

I still have trouble
Believing
Every moment
Every warm moment
Wrapped in ecstasy
They were all
Lies

So you say go

And the words crash to the floor like glass

So many pieces I cant pick up

Intrepid followers
For
The blameless god of love
Giving their hearts for sacrifice
For their chance
To be eaten up