I can’t possibly understand how it could be anyone other than you
I thought maybe we finally had our chance
Our day beneath the honeysuckle
I miss you
Trying to figure out why you’d stop
Talking to me
I want to finally share that meal
So much time has passed and
I’m almost 30 now
Please call me
Please call me

I hope everytime you give her a little piece of what you never gave me
You question yourself
You think of me
You think of my pain
I hope you try to justify it but it constantly falls through
How do you sleep at night replacing what we had

If I take it day by day
And no one mentions the word longing
I don’t ache for you
Anymore

I feel selfish
For saying
I deserve more
I deserve better

I’m the same artist
In every different stanza
You see different people
Different women
But we are all the same

Hey dear
I just came here to say
I still love you
And I don’t know if it’s ever gonna get better
But I’m so glad
You are happy without me

Today
I hope you and her
Drive each other
Bat **** crazy
I hope even in small happiness
There is emptiness
Today I am wishing
You get everything you deserve

Can I
Crawl inside that coffin with you
Can you
Take me down with you
I don’t
Like being here anymore

You are less like a machine
More like a garden

More water some days
More sun on others

Pick up the phone
Call me
Please

I miss you

Thinking of you
Always thinking of you
When I close my eyes
I can feel you close yours too
And for a moment
We are together
Missing each other

Life was so much more than black and white

It was red yellow grey turquoise manilla

He could love you

And he could *******

But he could still love someone else

Things would never be the same as they had been
Not yesterday
Not today
Never again

But I think, I would love you forever
And when the wind blows past
I will remember the way you wrapped your arms around me

So you say your brain wants to **** you
Get you out of this place you say
But trapped, you must stay
Figure out how to breathe with water in your lungs
And breathe because your neighbor does it without pain
In bed you stay
In pain
Soaking it up
Like the suns rays

It’s Saturday
And just like yesterday
I’m still thinking of you
Just like two weeks ago
Just like a month ago
Still thinking
Of you

Today I don't want to open my eyes
But I do
And the world still remains the same as if I never had

Dillan, I can’t stop thinking about you
I just want to hear from you

I dreamt about you
I looked at you
And said
I don’t care what it takes
I just want to be happy
With you

I still love you
Stupid

It doesnt matter who I want to be
I dont want to be me.

Tell me what to say
When there is nothing
Left
To say

I am sick
I wish I had the answers
Actions speak louder
Than any words I could ever
Speak

I am a monster
A monster
A monster

Just another day
Kick back
Wait six more months
And
We will be cool again

That’s usually this goes

Right people
Wrong place
Wrong time
Wrong universe
But I love you
Still

It’s sunday
I still miss you
I keep waiting for it
To go away

I’ll always love you
Goodbye
I’ll see you when we’re old
And our kids are grown
Well catch up
And I’ll still love you then

You say
You’re so much sometimes

And I say to that
Well sometimes,
You are not enough

And
If you are reading these
Why don’t you just call me
I miss you

I was ready to be done now
And I never wanted to be ready again
Ready to be ready
And not done
I’m tired of them
Putting their hands
And words all over me
I’d rather be alone
They take up my time
To be free

I wish I loved you less
And I loved
me
more
I wish I loved myself the way
I loved you
Or I loved anyone else
I wish I could
Do that

Somedays I miss you so much
It feels like there is no one else in this world
To talk to
It’s been almost a year
I still think about you every day
I’ve forced my thoughts to be farther between
Because I know the amount of good
It does me
I wish I could stop putting you in the front
Of this in invisible line
I love you so much
Sometimes I close my eyes and I pretend
If I think it hard enough
You will feel that moment too

I wish so badly,
To not know small things about you,
Give me something that makes me dislike you

“That’s life
Why would
It change now”
- still woozy

“I love her more than ever now”
“When you call it goes through silently”
I keep reading them
Over
And
Over
And
Over

I’m glad I could help you
Find yourself

If you take the time
To read this
If you ever
Check this again


I want you to know
I hate you
For all the pain you have caused me
No explanation
No goodbye
I will always remember this
I am worth so much more
I was a fool for trusting you
It’s even worse that you were glad I did
I want you to know
Everything you said
Every word
Every drop
I believe it was a lie now
You are the worst kind of person
I’m glad I dodged the bullet
How could you hurt me
How could you do this to me 3 times
How could I let you
I want you to know
I dont want to see you
Or anything about your life
Please
I love you so much
And now I need need to hate you
I want you to know
This wasn’t easier

If you had told me
I’d lose my sanity in my 20s
Play
Mental
Slip
And
Slide


I would have asked you
To **** me right then
Do me a favor
Do everyone a favor

I am never ready
For the feeling that
My body is too heavy
To pick up

The feeling that
I’m not steady

Before I slip away
Again
Underneath my own skin
Tell me
You love me
You love me

Before I push you away
Again
In front of this monster
Hold me
Hold me

I’m okay
I’m okay
Until I’m not

Somedays
I feel too pretty for you
And others
I crawl beneath your shoes
And ask you to
Step on me

Sometimes
Sometimes I miss you so much
That I think I’m not gonna make it
I don’t know how I’m gonna
Get through that day without talking to you
But then I do
And the sun rises
And the sun falls
Somehow I keep doing it all

Some weeks are harder than others
Some days, harder than other days
And most of the time I wonder
What it’s like to not be swimming against
my own current of thoughts in my brain

I remember everything I wanted to forget
Even the dew drops that sat on leaves outside of the window
The worst day of my life
I forget everything I wanted to remember
You, you, you
Everything about you.

His words were warm
Like a dollop of hot butter
Sliding down a stack of pancakes

I hate his stupid smile,
I hate his stupid face.

I’m trying so hard, not to think about you

That was that
My hands were shaken
The dust was clean from me

I haven’t had a hug
In so long
I just want someone
Warm
To embrace me
Fill me up
I’m lonely

I still have trouble
Believing
Every moment
Every warm moment
Wrapped in ecstasy
They were all
Lies

Depression peeking as the sun recedes more frequently; I am trying to stand on my own, trying to make my own home.

Buy me a ******* ticket, I want to leave.

But I want to take him with me.

But I love you.

Then I remember it's all not me; my whole life is a mirage with me in between in the desert.

I hate my brain, I hate my pain, I hate the way I want to stay ******* sane.

A thousand other universes
Where your finger tips
Brush my finger tips

I wish I was there staring up at your ceiling
Breathing your air

Buy me one more day
Cant be anywhere other than there

You'd never recognize me now

Please
He said
Stop calling me

I am this close
To paying the 36 dollars
To change my number

His words played
Over and over and over

I just missed you
I missed you
So much I can’t breathe

I don’t know
I don’t know if I can handle the loneliness
It sits inside of me
It breathes
And it aches
Of its own volition

When can I put my head above the water again
Why am I drowning myself
My muscles are heavy
I am heavy
Until I am not anymore