Because I wake up in the morning
And start my day thinking about you
Somewhere between packing lunches
And taking Gabriel to school
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night too
I think you must be somewhere there
Me on your mind as well
I will never be able to love anyone else the way that I love you
The worst part is being able to move on, knowing nothing will ever be good enough
Nothing will ever be the same
Nothing will ever matter as much
I have moved on to focusing on my sons life
To get him to his happy place
I wonder when I will look up and see my own wrinkled hands
Even then, I know I will miss you
That’s what breaks me, knowing we will go from old to young
It makes no sense, you are my soulmate you know
Even after all this time, even after all these years
It’s all the same, how I feel inside about you
All the dust you kicked up, has settled
And I know now that you see me there too
It’s why you can’t help yourself
Please call me
Call me call me call me
We can talk and be full

I was ready to be done now
And I never wanted to be ready again
Ready to be ready
And not done
I’m tired of them
Putting their hands
And words all over me
I’d rather be alone
They take up my time
To be free

Is that you
Calling me from
Unknown numbers

Or am I dreaming

Tell me you love me
And then leave me
Don’t pretend
You’ll stick around
Cut right to the chase
Go away

Sometimes,

Every little thing

Gets

Under

My

Skin

I will get married again.
I will have children again.
I will have a family.
I will grow old without you.
And you.
You will never know what you want.
You will become an old story I tell,
When my grandchildren ask me,
About life
And love.

I loved you.
I loved you.
And
I will never know, what would be.

You are the love of my life
The most intelligent
Amazing
Funny
Human being I’ve ever met
And nothing comes close to
What we had
Not even a whisper
You are my soul
I was sitting at this red light
Thinking about all the moments with you
And how good they were
I can’t stop missing you

I feel nothing
I feel so far away
And then I think of your sheets
And your bed
And your skin
And the walls at night
Sliding in out of bed
All next to you
I can smell you

She’s there now
I wonder if sometimes
When her back is turned
Does she look like me
And that’s what you wanted

I will die
and you will die too
so will the rich man,
the poor man,
the sad man, and
the happy man
everyone dies,
but that is what we have in common,
death is what we have in common,
common man.

Can I
Crawl inside that coffin with you
Can you
Take me down with you
I don’t
Like being here anymore

I can beat you
At your own
Little game
Happy family
Happy life
Who can be happier without the other
Why are we doing this
Come back home

I feel selfish
For saying
I deserve more
I deserve better

Today I miss you
Tomorrow I might not think of you again
It’s been on and off lately
Which is much better than always on
I love you
I miss you
I miss the way you were always there
Small moments are the ones I never reveled in enough
Even though I thought I was soaking them up
I find myself staring in the mirror
I hope we meet in another life Bryce
And I hope we get to do it right in that one
The love I have for you is enough to bring me to my knees when I close my eyes

what does it mean when you cant get someone out of your head

sometimes you lie awake and think about their face in bed

Even though they are there and you are here, both of you possessing different warm bodies

Does it mean your just obsessing and the stressing is making it worse

Some kind of thrill in wondering if they thought of you too

Looked at you down to your shoes, hanging on every word you say as it drips from your mouth propelling them down into a puddle

It means nothing

Dillan,
You are a coward
I will
Never
Ever
Forgive you.

I don’t know
I don’t know if I can handle the loneliness
It sits inside of me
It breathes
And it aches
Of its own volition

When can I put my head above the water again
Why am I drowning myself
My muscles are heavy
I am heavy
Until I am not anymore

Once upon a time
I almost ran away with you
We almost made a home together
We almost met our lives in the middle

We weren’t even salvageable children
But foreboding adults

There you stood at the altar
And it was never decided
Did I rip you away from it?
Or did you step away from it?
“We all made our choices”

But we still ran with it,
and
We almost did it,
We almost got there,
We were Icarus,
And our inextinguishable love,
It was the sun,
We burned up in it

I hate our phone calls now
I hate the spaces in between the small talk
“How is everything” I love you “******”
I hate being here while you are there
I hate how almost isn’t quite enough
For it to be all the way

I love you

Don’t you see
I’m so in
Love with you
Listen,
I can’t live without you
And I wish you were
Near me now

He made his bed
And he should lie in it
Without me

He can’t be in the middle
Me
Her
Me
Her

Why can I ever ******* be enough?

If he loves you he’d be here
If he loves you he’d of stayed
That is what they all say

I don’t want to be in anyone’s way
I don’t want to stay
Here
There
Anywhere

So I’ll crumple
And crawl underneath your feet
Step on me
Step on me

I love you
And
As much as I’d like to
Hate you
All I want is the best
For you
I want you to be happy
I want you to know
I will always always
Love you

You are a
liar, coward, cheat

Why did you speak to me?

So you think
You make me weak in the knees
But really
I’m just trying to
Carve as many names
As I can
Into this tree, I am
Wittle away at me

He checks his emails
I’m happy for you
He’s says
I’m happy for you
I say

And do you think
When you move
You’ll think of me
Staring over breathless
Horizons
Will you wish
You could share it
With me
And when your drunk
And you are lonely,
And you find
Some girl in your bed,
Will I be in your head?
Will you think of how
I fit into you
And how you fit into me?

You are lucky.
Lucky I’m willing to crawl back into my safety
Away from you.
Lucky I haven’t told her everything again.
You are lucky.

Thinking of you
Always thinking of you
When I close my eyes
I can feel you close yours too
And for a moment
We are together
Missing each other

You can hold something empty
But it’s still empty

It’s Saturday
And just like yesterday
I’m still thinking of you
Just like two weeks ago
Just like a month ago
Still thinking
Of you

Tell me what to say
When there is nothing
Left
To say

I am sick
I wish I had the answers
Actions speak louder
Than any words I could ever
Speak

I am a monster
A monster
A monster

I keep waiting
Patiently waiting
For him
To be aching
And feigning for me
Waiting for when he decides
He cannot get enough of me

I’ll turn to dust
Before my dreams turn to
Stone

You ask me how I’m doing.
Everyone asks how are you doing?
Can you smell death on me?
I skate over this, like an Olympic champion trained since 3.
I don’t answer.
I refuse to submit and say that I am fine anymore.
I am not fine.

So I think
I think about you
The sun rises
The sun sets
Before you go
I just want you to know
I’ll always think about you

I miss you more
Than
The day before

There is a loneliness
That lingers here
Without you

Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out

I want to lay down in between blades of grass
I want to be as small
I dont want to see spend my life
Working
Working
Living in between

Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out

I know you don’t feel how I feel, and that’s okay, I’m okay with that. It’s insurmountable though, the way I feel. I don’t want to have any day where I don’t live with you, wake up with you, wait on you to get off work to have dinner with you. These are things I know  you don’t really consider, and that’s because you don’t feel the way I do. But it’s so hard for me. To know you are moving, to know you are leaving. I could spend every single day with you.
You are the funniest, most intelligent, most considerate, amazing person I have ever met. I have soaked up every single moment I have spent with you these last few months, and even though **** happened, you really are the first person to make me feel appreciated and seen. Maybe you don’t do all the extra stuff because we never reached that level, but you have just been a good person to me. You are wonderful, and I wish so badly that I could make you feel the way I feel. But you can’t force people to see someone a certain way, can you? It didn’t matter what we did here, the only way I would have never gotten attached is if I literally ****** and left and never talked to you, and the reason I say that is because in any other scenario I am always going to see you, spend time with you, learn what kind of person you are, and fall in love with you all over again. Im sorry for all the stress and worry, I am sorry for clawing at you like a satin table cloth slipping off a polished wood dining table to stay. I just wanted to spend every moment with you. I don’t think anyone would feel differently than how I do.

Nevermind
I take it all back

****
I wish it were me
Instead of her
I love you so much

Somedays
I feel too pretty for you
And others
I crawl beneath your shoes
And ask you to
Step on me

And
If you are reading these
Why don’t you just call me
I miss you

Here I say
And I hand you the loaded gun
You promise you’ll never pull the trigger
But as soon as you can blink
We are fighting
You don’t even think
Boom
The gun goes off

I cry so deep
I feel the river flowing through
My chest
Deep, white water, ripping through me

I can’t believe you did this
You did this again

I like you
Ok
Is that what you
Wanted to hear

Yes
Yes
Yes

You say
You’re so much sometimes

And I say to that
Well sometimes,
You are not enough

Give me a sign
Let me know
You are listening to me
Please
I won’t say anything

And if you aren’t careful
Love will eat you up

Thank you for being
Someone
And
Somewhere
Safe for me

Connection
Breeds
Creation

Bees
To
Flowers flaunting
pollen

It’s been over a month
I still ache for you

You can take her
Take her to see all the things
We would have seen
The Grand Canyon
Hawaii
Paris
But emptiness will follow you
Everywhere
Because
You know
It should have been
Me