His words were warm
Like a dollop of hot butter
Sliding down a stack of pancakes

I hate his stupid smile,
I hate his stupid face.

I am not supposed to be here
I am supposed to be with you
So please make it quick
Take me with you

You say
You’re so much sometimes

And I say to that
Well sometimes,
You are not enough

I have so much love in me
It surges through my fingertips
I can’t stop thinking about you
You and me

And if I don’t think too hard
I’m okay with this, I’m okay with us
I’m okay with you taking my ******* breath away every time I look at you
I put it in a box in the corner
Somewhere with the rest of the ****
That hurts me

I just don’t understand
This cruel world
Where in any universe
We aren’t together, resting our heads on each other, tracing finger tips

And baby I can firmly say,
I’m wasting my ******* time with anyone else,
Because you are it, you are it,

And if the stars were right outside
I’d take you to Vegas and say I do
Because I love you

I just can’t say it
Because if I don’t think too hard
I’m okay
I’m okay with this

And be thankful you are alive
Because
Without you
They would have never met at all
If it hadn’t been for you
He’d still be getting married
And they would just be coworkers

And in either scenario
You realize
With or without you
He’d have gone on
Life would have gone on

I am lonely
But I melt into that
I melt into the sunset
And the silence

It’s been over a month
I still ache for you

I can beat you
At your own
Little game
Happy family
Happy life
Who can be happier without the other
Why are we doing this
Come back home

Up late
And I ache for you
I think of you
I think of you

I could have
Been
Good enough

I will always
Love you
Enough

I don’t
Want to
Be close
To you
Anymore

Are you a good person who does bad things?
Or are you a bad person who does good things?

You cant tiptoe the line.
You either are or are not.
But in the same aspect,
You cant always be one thing.

**** humanity.

I just wanted to know
Why

Connection
Breeds
Creation

Bees
To
Flowers flaunting
pollen

I don’t know what to do
I can’t stop thinking about you

I will die
and you will die too
so will the rich man,
the poor man,
the sad man, and
the happy man
everyone dies,
but that is what we have in common,
death is what we have in common,
common man.

I am tired again
I am weary in my bones
Lay me down here
I will wrap my arms
Around myself

I still have trouble
Believing
Every moment
Every warm moment
Wrapped in ecstasy
They were all
Lies

I'd think of the times i'd often have something imperative to say
Not often
And so was it imperative?
imperative to speak?
"sometimes, people just want to know you love them"
it's exhausting keeping up
At this point in life,
I value the people who understand me and
understand my lapses of silence
I have nothing to say

I
Have
A hundred pictures of the sun
And the paint it spreads
Across the sky

And you
You don’t even look up
You don’t even notice

Give me a sign
Let me know
You are listening to me
Please
I won’t say anything

Once upon a time
I almost ran away with you
We almost made a home together
We almost met our lives in the middle

We weren’t even salvageable children
But foreboding adults

There you stood at the altar
And it was never decided
Did I rip you away from it?
Or did you step away from it?
“We all made our choices”

But we still ran with it,
and
We almost did it,
We almost got there,
We were Icarus,
And our inextinguishable love,
It was the sun,
We burned up in it

I hate our phone calls now
I hate the spaces in between the small talk
“How is everything” I love you “******”
I hate being here while you are there
I hate how almost isn’t quite enough
For it to be all the way

I love you

You ask me how I’m doing.
Everyone asks how are you doing?
Can you smell death on me?
I skate over this, like an Olympic champion trained since 3.
I don’t answer.
I refuse to submit and say that I am fine anymore.
I am not fine.

Oh
You
Hate me

I say
I will miss you
And every single time
You look away
Check out that picture
You say
But I will miss you

Do you think I’ll be better
Better ever?
I am afraid of death
and dying.
Nothing, is a deep leap to hop into.
Nothing.
I’ve never been fond of heights.
Will I make it to 30?
Do you think I’ll ever be better?
Can I be better ever?
I want to be normal
I’m tired
I could use a rest
I want to be like the rest
I am afraid of death
And dying.
Do you think I will ever get better?

She is the moon, the stars, and the sky
She stops time
And my eyes shine

She is quiet
She tries to disappear
But I see her

I see her
And I want to kiss her
be near her
For even one second

It’s 9 pm
The tide rolls in
The thoughts of you
You and me
Between these sheets
Hands against my hands

I miss the way you smell
I think of the last time
I buried my face in your chest
That’s when you left

I miss the way you taste
I think of the last time
My lips met your lips

Suddenly time seems like a
Long long hallway
Only extending more and more
The more I walk it

I ******* miss you
And I didn’t want to wait
I didn’t want to wait
To see you
To feel you
To taste you

I want to beg you
On my hands
And my knees
Please
Please

I can feel you
Thinking about me
I assume
This is the only place
You still see
Maybe not
Maybe I’m crazy

You can hold something empty
But it’s still empty

I hate to be home
And I hate to be tied down
Feet on pavement
But also wanted to bathe in gold
A tale of how
To ****
Your soul

I feel selfish
For saying
I deserve more
I deserve better

I am mourning
Mourning that I won’t lay down
For you anymore

Dont put your hands on me

Unless I asked you to make me

Weak to my knees

Dont put your hands on me

So I think
I think about you
The sun rises
The sun sets
Before you go
I just want you to know
I’ll always think about you

I waited my whole life
Slamming myself
Into brick walls of passion
Instant heat
Burning me up

And then I met you
I lit a candle in my finger tips
I melt
I drip
For you
I slowly burn
For you

And it’s 100x sweeter
Than the boy who
Made me feel something once
Because you make me feel something
Every day

Boys don’t ride on horses
Or speak carefully
Boys break bones
And they
Bellow with rage
Guttural scream
Boys are not gentle
They do not smell
Of cream

Tell me you love me
And then leave me
Don’t pretend
You’ll stick around
Cut right to the chase
Go away

That was that
My hands were shaken
The dust was clean from me

And
I know
If someone wants you
They will truly do
Anything
To make that happen

It happened for me once.

Who are we
But
Grains of eroded rock
Sand
On an even larger rock

No buildings
Out of bone
Though

You know
I’d do anything
Just for you

And I can’t promise
Ease
I can’t promise
Perfection
But I’ll stand next to you
I’ll hold your hand

And I don’t have much
But I’ll give you everything I have

You know,
I’d do anything,
Just
For
You

I self destruct
5
4
3
2
1

I am under your finger tips
Trembling for you
Your name escapes my lips

And even when I did not want to be around anyone else in the world
I just wanted to be with you
Why do you not feel that way

I’d say I don’t care about you anymore
But what am I supposed to do
We built this whole life
Together
We made a life
Together

Now I’m building it apart
Stranger through the
Looking glass
And that’s who you are
Why didnt you tell me

what does it mean when you cant get someone out of your head

sometimes you lie awake and think about their face in bed

Even though they are there and you are here, both of you possessing different warm bodies

Does it mean your just obsessing and the stressing is making it worse

Some kind of thrill in wondering if they thought of you too

Looked at you down to your shoes, hanging on every word you say as it drips from your mouth propelling them down into a puddle

It means nothing

So you say go

And the words crash to the floor like glass

So many pieces I cant pick up

Thank you for being
Someone
And
Somewhere
Safe for me

I sat here wishing I could get to know you
Already assuming you wanted to know me

I loved you to the ends of the earth and back
Because not every hill was shaved perfectly
Not every beautiful curve of the earth dips perfectly
There is magma and typhoons
And I love you