I am trying not to change
In the way rocks remain forever
Only weathered
I am made of flesh, bone, and blood
But I am still finding pieces of myself
Blown away

I wanted to be the falling star,
In someones pocket,
Never to fade away.

I remember everything I wanted to forget
Even the dew drops that sat on leaves outside of the window
The worst day of my life
I forget everything I wanted to remember
You, you, you
Everything about you.

Small things only mattered now
We take pieces of ourselves for granted
I am telling you
When you lose chunks so big
A quiet night in
With small conversation
Is something special and dear to you
I wish I could give you my eyes
To see what I have seen

But then maybe
You'd just give them back to me
I think that's why most of the time
I would rather be asleep
Small things only mattered now.

Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out

I want to lay down in between blades of grass
I want to be as small
I dont want to see spend my life
Working
Working
Living in between

Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out

You dont see
What I see
In between the trees
And the breeze
That is why you will never understand
What I mean

Every year
I find myself saying
I'm never going back home
And every year
Unwittingly
I find myself on the return flight home

Today I don't want to open my eyes
But I do
And the world still remains the same as if I never had

Dear Baby,
I wish I had worked harder for you
So I could sit with you every day
Brushing hairs from your sweet face
I love you
My back hurts
My bones ache
I wish I had been smarter for you

A thousand other universes
Where your finger tips
Brush my finger tips

I wish I was there staring up at your ceiling
Breathing your air

Buy me one more day
Cant be anywhere other than there

You'd never recognize me now

I still think about you,
After all these years.

There has to be more to
Life
Than what I will spend it on
For a paycheck

I wish I had
A little more
Time to choose

In this life I was destined,
To never know you,
Or spend moments with you but,
God,
That didnt stop me
From wanting
To.

Too use to the
Pain
You and everyone else
Has caused me
I cant cry anymore
I cant cry
I feel the hollow spot
Sit
In my chest

Things break
Just as carefully
As they were made

I have nothing to say
When I
Am this way

I cant muster the energy to look
At myself in the mirror
But people still expect me
To lift my feet
To lift my head
And
Smile

I wont wash a dish,
I certainly dont look at the clothes,
I cancel my plans last minute when I should have just said no,
I think my friends are conspiring against me,
And I cant leave my husband alone, what if he finds someone else better equip for our home.

I cant muster the energy to look at myself in the mirror,
But I still get up,
I still get up and go to work,
I am just waiting for the time
Time to pass me by

I'm running out of energy for these cycles
Im running out of energy waiting on my energy
I am in deep water, with crashing waves
Everytime I stand
I am knocked back down
Gulping for air
Only getting more water
Waiting to tumble back to the surface

I cant muster the energy to look at myself in the ******* mirror.

I just want to
Lay in bed
All day
Sleep, sleep, sleep
Away

Though the setting may change

The background remains the same

I dont care what time you come home tonight

Or if you call me

My heart knows that you

Lie

Lie

Lie

You are a liar

I have no words
When you lie
Here I sit
Stupid
You hate me
I get it
I have no words
So I'll sit here while you scream and yell
Drop it, just forget it, it's not even a big deal
I have no more words
I give up on you
I give up on you

Depression peeking as the sun recedes more frequently; I am trying to stand on my own, trying to make my own home.

Buy me a ******* ticket, I want to leave.

But I want to take him with me.

But I love you.

Then I remember it's all not me; my whole life is a mirage with me in between in the desert.

I hate my brain, I hate my pain, I hate the way I want to stay ******* sane.

Heavy is how you sit on my mind

Tearing through every notion

That I ever gave you up

I love you

I love you still

You might be in my bed
But
I know
I'm not the one
In your head

Why did I think I could be with
Anyone
Why did I think I deserved
Anyone
Why did I think I deserved happiness

I wouldnt live any life without, you , my boy.

I carefully shaped your gentle eyes, and your tiny nose.

I use to lie awake in the night, playing my favorite songs, wondering what kind of human you would grow to be.

It feels as if there were, no life before your little light in my life.

My eyes have changed, small things matter now, my heart is full of small pieces.

I've never known such warmth,

Such love, love, love.

Wasting your breath

There are some things

That will only change

With age

She fell in love with someone else on my birthday.

He cried about it to me later that weekend

And I cried because he had fallen in love with her

Happy birthday

Happy exsistence

Look at me,

You didnt expect me to be more vicious than you

I am an animal

It's probably better than you keep

Distance

I'll let you go this time

To save you

Mortal wounds.

I use to be a person
There is body
But no soul
I am a demon in a skin suit
Hate me

I cant love you anymore
And I dont think you would
Come back
This time if I stopped you
You still havent recovered
From my staggering wave
Of childish revenge

And I'm so sorry that I loved you so much
It turned me into something viscous

Forgive me, I forgot the meaning

Of the word

When every promise I received,

Even the ones wrapped in shiny paper,

Were empty.

I'm so depressed,
And it isnt yout fault,
Please,
Dont go,
I cant hold my head up.

Baby, I'm gone, gone
I am so gone from here.

I'm gonna spread out far to the edges and over,

I'm gonna spill out, just like that milk you always ******* cried over

I'm gonna cover the earth,
And baby I'm gone from here.

Press on

Even when you are walking through

A field of razor blades barefoot

You just

Press on, baby

Press the **** on

He called my name with love
And he touched me with
Nice, soft hands
I crumpled like paper
His gentleness far too heavy for me
I only wanted people
Who would
Wear
Me
Down

I didnt feel woman

Enough

I didnt even feel human

Enough.

Ironic

Small tokens

How many times

You quit

You gave in

You took it back

Sometimes,

Every little thing

Gets

Under

My

Skin

You spend so much chasing time

That you are wasting it

By trying to experience it

As long as we could
Behave

As long as we could
Not act like monsters;

But we were monsters

All of us.

So he is as gentle as the sun

Gentle rising

Gentle setting

And how you loved to watch him rise up

Just as you liked watching him go down

Cascade down me,

The way clouds caress,

A mountains rough edges

I tell myself you wont talk to me because it hurts that much,

But I know, you love her, you love her, you love her

What a fool I have been in this life

I remember your cinnamon smelling bed
And your computer desk right in front of it
Blue light illuminated the four white walls around us
I miss you

I like the comfort you provided me,
But passion here only existed in between big words,
I dont like you.