Dillan,
You are a coward
I will
Never
Ever
Forgive you.

I cry so deep
I feel the river flowing through
My chest
Deep, white water, ripping through me

I can’t believe you did this
You did this again

You are less like a machine
More like a garden

More water some days
More sun on others

He’s lying next to her
While dreaming of me
And
My bed is cold

I just want to know
Why I wait
Wait wait
In this life
Too

Don’t you see
I’m so in
Love with you
Listen,
I can’t live without you
And I wish you were
Near me now

It’s 9 pm
The tide rolls in
The thoughts of you
You and me
Between these sheets
Hands against my hands

I miss the way you smell
I think of the last time
I buried my face in your chest
That’s when you left

I miss the way you taste
I think of the last time
My lips met your lips

Suddenly time seems like a
Long long hallway
Only extending more and more
The more I walk it

I ******* miss you
And I didn’t want to wait
I didn’t want to wait
To see you
To feel you
To taste you

I want to beg you
On my hands
And my knees
Please
Please

All I can
Think
About is you
And how I must see you

Please,
Come home.

And then,
He was gone

I had him
There
And then,

I watched him
Leave, leave, leave
Right out
That door
There

But oh,
O,
How I ******* missed him
Waiting
And wanting

Have
You
Ever
Craved
Someone?

I miss
Being
Home
With you

I miss putting
My hand
On your face

Everything
Feels so wrong

You there
Me here

I don’t want
To know
That you and her
Are there in that space

I wish
I wish
I wish
You wouldn’t stay

I want
To
Spend
The rest of my life
With you

And
I know
If someone wants you
They will truly do
Anything
To make that happen

It happened for me once.

I was so, so happy
With you

I
*******
Miss you

And
I just want to feel
Your fingers against mine

Please

How long
Do I
Lay in bed
At night


While you lay
Next
To her

I love you, I love you every single day.
When we are frustrated.
When we are cooking.
When you are telling me about your day.
New things.
When you think.
How you are there every time I call.
How you know everything about me, but still learn things about me.
When you are gone.
When you are here.

So if I meant something
Mean it
Mean what you say
And do it
Fire beneath your finger tips
I’ll be ash

You know
I’d do anything
Just for you

And I can’t promise
Ease
I can’t promise
Perfection
But I’ll stand next to you
I’ll hold your hand

And I don’t have much
But I’ll give you everything I have

You know,
I’d do anything,
Just
For
You

Find me in every life,
And lay your sweet lips upon mine,
Steal my breath,
Touch my cheek,
Whisper those words I crave to hear
Dripping
Off your tongue

“That’s life
Why would
It change now”
- still woozy

Breathe
Grit your teeth
Move on
Try to not listen
To the sound
Of the nails
On the chalkboard
Breathe

Up late
And I ache for you
I think of you
I think of you

I could have
Been
Good enough

I will always
Love you
Enough

Today
I miss you
I open my eyes
And
I
Miss
You

*******.

Oh,
How I miss being
Near you

Goodmorning
I hope you thought of me
When your eyes opened

Goodnight
I hope I was the last thing
You thought of
Before you closed your eyes
Next to her

I hope you
Get help

I hope one day you wake up
And the sun is risen out of your window
You go to start your day
And the emptiness sets in
The loneliness sets in
Knowing you have no one to really
Talk to
I know she can’t the way
I do

I hope you realize
The way you wrecked me
And I hope it wrecks yourself

I don’t forgive you
Not for the way
You just blocked me out
You acted like I was crazy


And when you miss me
Please
Don’t call
Don’t write
Don’t make a sound at all
Lie in the bed you made
Lie in it without me
Even when I miss you too

“I love her more than ever now”
“When you call it goes through silently”
I keep reading them
Over
And
Over
And
Over

I’m glad I could help you
Find yourself

Is that you
Calling me from
Unknown numbers

Or am I dreaming

If you take the time
To read this
If you ever
Check this again


I want you to know
I hate you
For all the pain you have caused me
No explanation
No goodbye
I will always remember this
I am worth so much more
I was a fool for trusting you
It’s even worse that you were glad I did
I want you to know
Everything you said
Every word
Every drop
I believe it was a lie now
You are the worst kind of person
I’m glad I dodged the bullet
How could you hurt me
How could you do this to me 3 times
How could I let you
I want you to know
I dont want to see you
Or anything about your life
Please
I love you so much
And now I need need to hate you
I want you to know
This wasn’t easier

I have nothing left to say
You let me down
And
I have nothing else to say

Please don’t touch me

One day
I’ll be everything to someone

Disappointment
And a shame
I thought that was you

I have enough people
Who want pieces of me

I love you baby
I love you
As long as the longest day
As big as space
Growing and changing
Expanding in new ways

I love you even when you are far away
I close my eyes
And I love you
I love you so much

One time
I knew real love
It tasted sweet
And free

But it will
Never ever
Be

I will be dust beneath your feet
Before he and I
Meet

He made his bed
And he should lie in it
Without me

He can’t be in the middle
Me
Her
Me
Her

Why can I ever ******* be enough?

If he loves you he’d be here
If he loves you he’d of stayed
That is what they all say

I don’t want to be in anyone’s way
I don’t want to stay
Here
There
Anywhere

So I’ll crumple
And crawl underneath your feet
Step on me
Step on me

Tell me you love me
Give me the sun
And take it away
Give me the rug to stand on
So you can pull it under my feet

I loved you, I love you so much
Words weirdly winding
In my head
I’ll never do this to you again
Promise promise promise
Give me a box
So when I open it
It’s empty

You play in my mind
Over and over
Broken tape
Just stay
Just stay
I don’t want to
Throw this away

If you had told me
I’d lose my sanity in my 20s
Play
Mental
Slip
And
Slide


I would have asked you
To **** me right then
Do me a favor
Do everyone a favor

I am never ready
For the feeling that
My body is too heavy
To pick up

The feeling that
I’m not steady

Before I slip away
Again
Underneath my own skin
Tell me
You love me
You love me

Before I push you away
Again
In front of this monster
Hold me
Hold me

I’m okay
I’m okay
Until I’m not

I hope my gaze
Is burned into your brain
So when you and her
And
Her and you
Are in that space
You hate yourself

So you say
I have the moon
Well I simply dont believe

Tell me what to say
When there is nothing
Left
To say

I am sick
I wish I had the answers
Actions speak louder
Than any words I could ever
Speak

I am a monster
A monster
A monster

And Dear God
Please, ******* help me
Because it’s just so hard to be sober
When my choices
Cant be made over

So you say your brain wants to **** you
Get you out of this place you say
But trapped, you must stay
Figure out how to breathe with water in your lungs
And breathe because your neighbor does it without pain
In bed you stay
In pain
Soaking it up
Like the suns rays

I am under your finger tips
Trembling for you
Your name escapes my lips

I don’t need him
He don’t need me
And we find each other beneath
Raw sheets
Please answer me
I say
Why would it be that way
He say
But he never calls
The next day

So you think
You make me weak in the knees
But really
I’m just trying to
Carve as many names
As I can
Into this tree, I am
Wittle away at me

Silent moves
Make me
Move beneath me
Hot breath
Flickering like fire
Feel the flames
Devour you whole
And enter your soul

I couldn’t find meaning in
Mirror
So I looked for it
In his eyes
A stranger
Doomed when I was
Let down
Because I didn’t find
My worth inside of there

My hopeless shot in the dark
A cry for help
So hard to love
Because I couldn’t love myself