Goodmorning
I hope you thought of me
When your eyes opened

Goodnight
I hope I was the last thing
You thought of
Before you closed your eyes
Next to her

I hope you
Get help

I hope one day you wake up
And the sun is risen out of your window
You go to start your day
And the emptiness sets in
The loneliness sets in
Knowing you have no one to really
Talk to
I know she can’t the way
I do

I hope you realize
The way you wrecked me
And I hope it wrecks yourself

I don’t forgive you
Not for the way
You just blocked me out
You acted like I was crazy


And when you miss me
Please
Don’t call
Don’t write
Don’t make a sound at all
Lie in the bed you made
Lie in it without me
Even when I miss you too

“I love her more than ever now”
“When you call it goes through silently”
I keep reading them
Over
And
Over
And
Over

I’m glad I could help you
Find yourself

Is that you
Calling me from
Unknown numbers

Or am I dreaming

If you take the time
To read this
If you ever
Check this again


I want you to know
I hate you
For all the pain you have caused me
No explanation
No goodbye
I will always remember this
I am worth so much more
I was a fool for trusting you
It’s even worse that you were glad I did
I want you to know
Everything you said
Every word
Every drop
I believe it was a lie now
You are the worst kind of person
I’m glad I dodged the bullet
How could you hurt me
How could you do this to me 3 times
How could I let you
I want you to know
I dont want to see you
Or anything about your life
Please
I love you so much
And now I need need to hate you
I want you to know
This wasn’t easier

I have nothing left to say
You let me down
And
I have nothing else to say

Please don’t touch me

One day
I’ll be everything to someone

Disappointment
And a shame
I thought that was you

I have enough people
Who want pieces of me

I love you baby
I love you
As long as the longest day
As big as space
Growing and changing
Expanding in new ways

I love you even when you are far away
I close my eyes
And I love you
I love you so much

One time
I knew real love
It tasted sweet
And free

But it will
Never ever
Be

I will be dust beneath your feet
Before he and I
Meet

He made his bed
And he should lie in it
Without me

He can’t be in the middle
Me
Her
Me
Her

Why can I ever ******* be enough?

If he loves you he’d be here
If he loves you he’d of stayed
That is what they all say

I don’t want to be in anyone’s way
I don’t want to stay
Here
There
Anywhere

So I’ll crumple
And crawl underneath your feet
Step on me
Step on me

Tell me you love me
Give me the sun
And take it away
Give me the rug to stand on
So you can pull it under my feet

I loved you, I love you so much
Words weirdly winding
In my head
I’ll never do this to you again
Promise promise promise
Give me a box
So when I open it
It’s empty

You play in my mind
Over and over
Broken tape
Just stay
Just stay
I don’t want to
Throw this away

If you had told me
I’d lose my sanity in my 20s
Play
Mental
Slip
And
Slide


I would have asked you
To **** me right then
Do me a favor
Do everyone a favor

I am never ready
For the feeling that
My body is too heavy
To pick up

The feeling that
I’m not steady

Before I slip away
Again
Underneath my own skin
Tell me
You love me
You love me

Before I push you away
Again
In front of this monster
Hold me
Hold me

I’m okay
I’m okay
Until I’m not

I hope my gaze
Is burned into your brain
So when you and her
And
Her and you
Are in that space
You hate yourself

So you say
I have the moon
Well I simply dont believe

Tell me what to say
When there is nothing
Left
To say

I am sick
I wish I had the answers
Actions speak louder
Than any words I could ever
Speak

I am a monster
A monster
A monster

And Dear God
Please, ******* help me
Because it’s just so hard to be sober
When my choices
Cant be made over

So you say your brain wants to **** you
Get you out of this place you say
But trapped, you must stay
Figure out how to breathe with water in your lungs
And breathe because your neighbor does it without pain
In bed you stay
In pain
Soaking it up
Like the suns rays

I am under your finger tips
Trembling for you
Your name escapes my lips

I don’t need him
He don’t need me
And we find each other beneath
Raw sheets
Please answer me
I say
Why would it be that way
He say
But he never calls
The next day

So you think
You make me weak in the knees
But really
I’m just trying to
Carve as many names
As I can
Into this tree, I am
Wittle away at me

Silent moves
Make me
Move beneath me
Hot breath
Flickering like fire
Feel the flames
Devour you whole
And enter your soul

I couldn’t find meaning in
Mirror
So I looked for it
In his eyes
A stranger
Doomed when I was
Let down
Because I didn’t find
My worth inside of there

My hopeless shot in the dark
A cry for help
So hard to love
Because I couldn’t love myself

I hate to be home
And I hate to be tied down
Feet on pavement
But also wanted to bathe in gold
A tale of how
To ****
Your soul

I don’t know
I don’t know if I can handle the loneliness
It sits inside of me
It breathes
And it aches
Of its own volition

When can I put my head above the water again
Why am I drowning myself
My muscles are heavy
I am heavy
Until I am not anymore

I’d say I don’t care about you anymore
But what am I supposed to do
We built this whole life
Together
We made a life
Together

Now I’m building it apart
Stranger through the
Looking glass
And that’s who you are
Why didnt you tell me

Thank you for being
Someone
And
Somewhere
Safe for me

He does not care
If he makes you lay there
Say okay,
Until you can breathe again

I don’t owe
Anyone
Anything

I don’t owe
Anyone
Anything

His eyes are like honey
But he tells me I’m the only one
To ever say that

And he makes me feel like
I could lay down
And rest awhile
Lying down in the sun
Eyes closed
Heat radiating
Easy
Like a hot summer day

I loved you
It took the air out of my lungs
When she looked at you
Looked at you
Like sweet ripe fruit
Juicy for the taking
I loved you
I loved you
I loved you
But it didn’t ******* matter
“I hope it works out, I’m glad you had a good time”
Can I tell you
Lies eat me open
From the inside out

Oh to be waiting around
On another boy
Another boy
Who didn’t see me right there

I loved you to the ends of the earth and back
Because not every hill was shaved perfectly
Not every beautiful curve of the earth dips perfectly
There is magma and typhoons
And I love you

I have so much love in me
It surges through my fingertips
I can’t stop thinking about you
You and me

And if I don’t think too hard
I’m okay with this, I’m okay with us
I’m okay with you taking my ******* breath away every time I look at you
I put it in a box in the corner
Somewhere with the rest of the ****
That hurts me

I just don’t understand
This cruel world
Where in any universe
We aren’t together, resting our heads on each other, tracing finger tips

And baby I can firmly say,
I’m wasting my ******* time with anyone else,
Because you are it, you are it,

And if the stars were right outside
I’d take you to Vegas and say I do
Because I love you

I just can’t say it
Because if I don’t think too hard
I’m okay
I’m okay with this

And even when I did not want to be around anyone else in the world
I just wanted to be with you
Why do you not feel that way

What’s it like
To be
Serene

Some weeks are harder than others
Some days, harder than other days
And most of the time I wonder
What it’s like to not be swimming against
my own current of thoughts in my brain

Here you are
Standing in the mirror
Beside yourself
Inbetwix yourself
Don’t listen
Don’t listen to what they say

I loved him
I loved him
And I wished so badly
It was felt even in
The fibers in the leaves
Of all the trees

Think and think
Drink and drink
So you can’t anymore

I’d be lying if I said I was doing anything
Other than
Trying to forget you

Life was so much more than black and white

It was red yellow grey turquoise manilla

He could love you

And he could *******

But he could still love someone else

Dont put your hands on me

Unless I asked you to make me

Weak to my knees

Dont put your hands on me

I sat here wishing I could get to know you
Already assuming you wanted to know me

So you say go

And the words crash to the floor like glass

So many pieces I cant pick up

what does it mean when you cant get someone out of your head

sometimes you lie awake and think about their face in bed

Even though they are there and you are here, both of you possessing different warm bodies

Does it mean your just obsessing and the stressing is making it worse

Some kind of thrill in wondering if they thought of you too

Looked at you down to your shoes, hanging on every word you say as it drips from your mouth propelling them down into a puddle

It means nothing

It wasnt enough that I had enough,

I wanted more,

I wanted it all,

I've got this insatiable hunger,

Pulling me under,

What more did you want,

Then the blessings you are trying to destroy?

Its funny how when it's cold outside,

I start to remember burying my face inside of your jacket,

I can small all of the fall and winter leaves,

That were beneath your feet,

While the faint smell of your Marlboros lingered on and on,

I could almost touch your face in the cold sun,

I could almost feel myself being in love,

But the flowers, the trees, and the bees have died and grown again since then

That was that
My hands were shaken
The dust was clean from me