I dont text you at 3am
I text you at 7am
I want you to know you are
The first thing I still think about
When I wake up in the morning
I want you to know that I miss you so much
It hits me when I open my eyes
Not in the lonely hours
Because every hour without you
Has been so ******* lonely

Someone mentions the airport
I hate him
I quickly think of when he ****** me in the parking garage before he flew out for Vegas last year
This year he won’t even speak more than two phrases to me
After two years
I wonder if he will **** her the same way he ****** me
Or is it different because he probably loves her
I light up my cigarette
I try not to think about him
How much I am trying not to crumble
Not for him
Love is tricky like that
One word like airport
It can bring back so many things
Maybe pain is tricky like that

This year will be the hardest one
Because I’m replacing two with you

Sometimes
Sometimes I miss you so much
That I think I’m not gonna make it
I don’t know how I’m gonna
Get through that day without talking to you
But then I do
And the sun rises
And the sun falls
Somehow I keep doing it all

Another day
Another day my phone doesn’t ring at 5:30 on the dot anymore
Another day without your voice at the end of it
Just another day

I love him so much

I am the rabbit
You are the carrot
Dangling on a string
Is that all we are doomed to be?

I wonder when you’ll realize
You love me
And you miss me
Probably on my wedding night

I feel nothing
I feel so far away
And then I think of your sheets
And your bed
And your skin
And the walls at night
Sliding in out of bed
All next to you
I can smell you

She’s there now
I wonder if sometimes
When her back is turned
Does she look like me
And that’s what you wanted

Hey
What are you having for dinner today
How have your days been
How have your weeks been
The months?
I just called to talk to your voicemail
I miss you

Hey
Can I come home now
I miss your bed

An ache so deep that
There are no more words
You begin to feel like
You’ll never meet anyone again
Constantly comparing everyone
To all of the good in you

Do you think of me as much as I
Think of you

Today I miss you
Tomorrow I might not think of you again
It’s been on and off lately
Which is much better than always on
I love you
I miss you
I miss the way you were always there
Small moments are the ones I never reveled in enough
Even though I thought I was soaking them up
I find myself staring in the mirror
I hope we meet in another life Bryce
And I hope we get to do it right in that one
The love I have for you is enough to bring me to my knees when I close my eyes

I miss you
And I miss you and I miss you and I miss youimissyouimissyouimissyou
I miss you so much until my heart gives out at the end of the day
Only to restart each morning when I wake up
Missing you
I never knew when my mother said
Life is unfair
She was talking about how you could love and love and love someone
But they didn’t have to love and love and love you back
So here I am at twelve am
Thinking of ways to tell you I love you
Ways to tell you I hate you
Thinking of writing love letters and giving grandiose notions you never deserved
Thinking of how she must be folded inside your arms
I know you don’t think about it at all
Think about me
That is
I miss you

Did everything go well today?
I mean, did everything go well moving into your new apartment?
How is the bedroom?
The one I’ll never see the inside of, the walls I’ll be unfamiliar with.
Was it everything you hoped for?
I missed you today
And yesterday
And the day before
Maybe not the day before that
But all the other days in between

I am tired of ***
What I crave is a kiss
Give me your lips
I want intimacy beyond words
Something special

I am not thinking about you anymore
Atleast that’s what I tell myself
But when I open my eyes in the morning
I can’t help but think about your day
I am not thinking about you anymore
I’m really trying
But I still wake up in the middle of the night, and wonder did everything go your way today?
I am not thinking about you anymore
I am hurting beyond measure
I’ve written this whole poem about you.

All the decorations on his walls, were hung up by me.
I pushed the tacks in the wall, the ones you look at while you **** him.

Everyone keeps calling me strong
I’m tired of being a house
Built by bricks

In my memories
You belong to me
And we belong to each other
It’s a sacred place

I continue talking about you in the past tense
Why do you keep talking about him like he’s dead
They ask me
Because to me he is
I reply
Everyone keeps moving about their tasks

Stupid *****
Huh
That’s what’s you said
I’ll show you why I’m the most intelligent
*****
In this room
No ***** you can grab
Me by

I’m the same artist
In every different stanza
You see different people
Different women
But we are all the same

We love nostalgia
It’s why you
Read these poems
So you can feel despair again

Sadness usually consumes me
At some point
It’s like I’ve been running a marathon
Things are getting personal
But I can clear my mind
If I try hard enough
I only get sad
Sometimes
You can’t say that out loud though
People start to worry
It’s days like that I wish
We all just said what’s on our minds
I’m ******* miserable
How about you
Maybe miserable as well
I start thinking
Why aren’t people more honest
Why does honesty terrify them
So much

It’s five am and I’m thinking about
How I use to be sad if you departed
without giving me kisses
Now we can not even get through
One phone call without
Being at each others
Throats

I am lonely
But I melt into that
I melt into the sunset
And the silence

I am sitting in traffic
And I’m wondering
Is it immature to wish
There is some universe where I got
One over on you
Where I called the lawyers first
Where I didn’t lose my job
One where Gabriel and I
Move to Colorado
And I don’t have to answer to you

If you could see how starving I am
You would love me

I was ready to be done now
And I never wanted to be ready again
Ready to be ready
And not done
I’m tired of them
Putting their hands
And words all over me
I’d rather be alone
They take up my time
To be free

Emptiness
Dryness
Fills up these lines
More than passion has
In the last
Two years
I’m on my own
Wandering the dessert again

Boys want this
And boys want that
Dress this way so you will get a boy
Sit up straight
Cross your legs
So the boy doesn’t think
You are trash
Wear pants
Don’t make eye contact
With the boy
He’ll
Eat you up
Won’t he
It’s his world
That’s what they tell you
But he’ll give you roses
He’ll love you
And they’ve taught him to be gentle
But somehow never cry
Because it’s your job
To be weak

Passion
Kissing
Glances
Touches filled with fire
I am on an island so
Far away from these things
I ******* over and over
Just like you **** me over and over
But then that’s different
Can’t let each other go
But it’s okay because there is nothing
Waiting for me over there
Nothing in the sea
Or somewhere else
I sit here with you
I tell myself it’s because I want to
Not because I don’t respect myself
I’ve heard you say this is
A dead end
Point blank
Straight down
It falls out of your mouth often
There will be no flowers or
Candle lit dinners
Even when we laugh
And spend sun up to sun down
Every day
Conversations go into the wee hours
Why do you bother asking me
Intimate things
Over and over and over
But you never called me beautiful
So atleast we have that
I’m on an island
So far from passion
Or the idea of someone telling me
“I can’t get
Enough of you”
Because I can’t breathe long enough
To get away from you
I tell myself that I do this to myself

I wish I loved you less
And I loved
me
more
I wish I loved myself the way
I loved you
Or I loved anyone else
I wish I could
Do that

Right people
Wrong place
Wrong time
Wrong universe
But I love you
Still

My little sister
How I love you so
It’s not your fault
That you are everything I wanted
And can never have
But I love to watch you grow
As if bird watching
I am at a distance
It’s where I like to be
Safe from the wilderness of
Hearing how
Our dad was
Your daddy
But to me
He’s just some man

I can’t remember anymore
What is it like
When someone can not
Keep their lips from yours
I am lonely and it’s late
That’s the only reason I care
I am numb
Over and over
I feel nothing

I know things
I’m not stupid
I know that,
Two plus two is four,
The sky is blue,
I have two feet,
Ten fingers,
Ten toes,
I know that you,
You tell lies,
More than you tell the truth,
I know that about you,
So when you sit here and say,
It’s different this time,
Why would it change,
Something I know.
The sky is not purple.
I do not have fifteen fingers
And two toes
And you,
Hardly tell the truth,
I know that.

My eyes meet my own eyes
Not for a long time
I question the girl in the pictures
That have my name written on the back
I wish that was me again
And if you snapped a photo of this moment
Tomorrow
I'd wish that was me again
I don't know what I think of myself
Or my skin
Who would say
I only want someone to love
The flesh on my bones
I want someone to love my dusty corners
and things that were out of place
without saying things like "you are too much"
Versions of myself from days before,
they are always better than now,
and I would never ever see myself,
the way I needed too,
Ironically for myself,
I was never enough.

Burn yourself at the stake
For the same blonde haired boy who said
I don't love you
I won't be with you
Still you set yourself on fire
You tied youself up
He's watching,
He won't save you,
He's intrigued by it or-
He's not the least bit interested.
Why did YOU burn yourself?

I'd think of the times i'd often have something imperative to say
Not often
And so was it imperative?
imperative to speak?
"sometimes, people just want to know you love them"
it's exhausting keeping up
At this point in life,
I value the people who understand me and
understand my lapses of silence
I have nothing to say

I’d rather live
Than die
I’d rather die
Than live
You can’t ask
The egg
How much he enjoyed
Being the chicken

Every expectation sits on all ten finger tips
how do you even
grab
one

I will die
and you will die too
so will the rich man,
the poor man,
the sad man, and
the happy man
everyone dies,
but that is what we have in common,
death is what we have in common,
common man.

I've noted that for most of my life,
I've said too much,
I've wasted too much breath on pain,
so now I choose to rarely say anything,
Silence is enough weight.

For every man who has fallen,
there is a woman who has kissed his feet,
so she marries the ground,
and the dirt,
and the earth,
while all of you look up,
wondering how you became so brave,
and handsome,
with your lipstick stained cheeks.

You can hold something empty
But it’s still empty

I am not supposed to be here
I am supposed to be with you
So please make it quick
Take me with you

How dare the day keep going on
How rude
Don’t the sun and the moon
Know you died
Can’t the earth hear me cry
Why is it still spinning
Why does every day still
Go on