I missed you
I thought to myself in my kitchen, candle light beating against my face
As it flickered
By and by
I was still allowed to think about you
In the lonely hours

Maybe she didn’t get her marriage
Maybe I ruined that
She successfully solidified her place in your life
She poured the cement around her feet next to you
She was able to put herself in all the places I wanted to be
And I guess I was okay with that
I had to be
But I missed you
And I missed you
And I missed you
And I will miss you for the rest of our lives
How can I feel that you aren’t happy?

I hope you are reading this
In fact I hope you save this
Sometimes I think about kissing you
I think about our bodies pressed against each other
Big hands gripping my thighs
It’s the first night I brought you back to my apartment
We are on the little couch
But it’s more than that
I think about how
Heaven
Met
Earth
In between
Our thighs

I thought of you today
I thought of our moment in time
Our moment in space
I played our song
I think of records
Sunshine and coffee
The life we could have had
If they had let us

Sometimes
I think about the brief moment in time and space
where I experienced real love
With someone who loved me back
Someone who wanted to be with me
And sacrificed it all

I wonder if we can be together when we’re old

And then I move along with the regularly scheduled programming
Just another day
Another moment

My new doctor asks me, I see you have a history of depression, are you currently depressed or on medications?
I don’t struggle with depression
And as the lie escapes my mouth, I’m confused on why I would say that
I say I was sad for a year when I lost my job
But this is also a lie
I don’t know why I don’t tell her about the sadness that has been looming since 14
Or how hard it is to stand up sometimes, that it feels like my bones are stones made of the earth dragging me back where they belong
I don’t tell her that it’s harder for me than it is everyone else to stay consistent and on top of things
And maybe the answer is because for the last few months-
I have been good
Why speak anything else into existence
It felt like as long as ignored the fact that I couldn’t help slipping under every few months
That things would be okay
That I was a woman living her life without depression
But I know this isn’t true
An ache twinges inside me

I wake up now and I forget
But sometimes, in the early hours
I wake up and I can’t understand how you are miles away laying next to her
I roll over and stare at the ceiling
The whir of the fan in the background
The popcorn of the ceiling being kissed by the dimmed lamp from the 90s that has a turn dial on it
I sigh and I think to myself
“Why do I have these miserable thoughts and he gets to be so happy”
And then I think
Maybe this is why I have these miserable thoughts
I cared far too much
And he never cared enough
It’s been a year now-
So it’s easier
The mornings and hours I spend on them now
Are few and far between

I keep your shirt on the back of the couch
It smells like your house
You’d think I’d have kissed you before
I don’t even know what you taste like
But I wish I did

I wish so badly,
To not know small things about you,
Give me something that makes me dislike you

I met a boy who smelled like sunshine
He liked to make things with his hands like me
I asked him what is his last name
And by the end of the conversation
It wasn’t until two days later
I realized
He never asked once for mine
He didn’t ask anything about me at all
But now I couldn’t stop thinking
About him

Hey dear
I just came here to say
I still love you
And I don’t know if it’s ever gonna get better
But I’m so glad
You are happy without me

Somedays I miss you so much
It feels like there is no one else in this world
To talk to
It’s been almost a year
I still think about you every day
I’ve forced my thoughts to be farther between
Because I know the amount of good
It does me
I wish I could stop putting you in the front
Of this in invisible line
I love you so much
Sometimes I close my eyes and I pretend
If I think it hard enough
You will feel that moment too

If I take it day by day
And no one mentions the word longing
I don’t ache for you
Anymore

Rage burns inside me
It’s so easy to spit your own poison back at you
One way or another
It just hurts
Instead I sit here
Fire turns into hot tears
Rushing down my face
Burns ditches in lines
I wonder if karma is real
How do you continue to get away with this

And all I’m worried about is
Having to stand in a room with you
Today is a day
Where I wish my face
Didn’t look like yours
So it wasn’t so noticeable
That I’m the one who looks
Just like you
That you never talk to

I’ll always remember you when we were young
I’ll remember the nights we spent laughing for two years in our twenties
You are in another life
Another dimension now
I saw her tooth brush on the counter
It shared the same cup as yours
Her clothes strewn all over the floor
In the bathroom I looked at myself
I’m thinking
I’m gonna be sick
You are living another lifetime
And all we had was
Two years in our twenties
That I’ll never forget

I use to get so mad
When you’d wake me up
Midnight hours
Asking me questions about myself
Please
I’d say
Let me go back to sleep
Such an annoyed tone
Now it’s 12 am again
But it’s silent
I find myself saying things in my head
Like
Sorry I got so annoyed
And
I miss anyone
Anyone at all
Asking questions
About me
Genuinely

Hey, I haven’t stopped loving you
But every time we speak
You and I
We are with other people
Maybe not this time?

I can’t possibly understand how it could be anyone other than you
I thought maybe we finally had our chance
Our day beneath the honeysuckle
I miss you
Trying to figure out why you’d stop
Talking to me
I want to finally share that meal
So much time has passed and
I’m almost 30 now
Please call me
Please call me

I keep trying to talk to you
Reach out to you
How long will it be this time
Another year
Maybe 5
I love you

It’s ten o clock, and I am on the way to the car for a solo adventure to chicken nuggets. The sinking feeling of emptiness is heavy like the beginning summer air around me, I miss you. I open the car door, I plop down, I place my hands on the wheel and let out the biggest sigh. I can feel the tears coming already, falling down. I don’t want to start thinking about you again, but here come the questions pouring in, garage lights faintly illuminating my skin.
I need to pull out now, I need to go and eat. I am angry that you have once again taken up so much of my time, I am empty because I can’t remember what you smell like.

If you are reading this
I want you to know
I can’t talk to you anymore
But if you ever find yourself
Sitting down
Sharing a meal
And I cross your mind
It’s probably because
I am thinking of you too
While somewhere around the world
I eat
And I sit
-For B

Waiting for the day
I look back on my own words
With disdain
Instead of longing

I am wondering if you still read my works
Maybe you could talk to me soon
Please

Some things neednt be said
They stand the way ancient trees do
Just like the way
I love you

I hope everytime you give her a little piece of what you never gave me
You question yourself
You think of me
You think of my pain
I hope you try to justify it but it constantly falls through
How do you sleep at night replacing what we had

I dont text you at 3am
I text you at 7am
I want you to know you are
The first thing I still think about
When I wake up in the morning
I want you to know that I miss you so much
It hits me when I open my eyes
Not in the lonely hours
Because every hour without you
Has been so ******* lonely

Someone mentions the airport
I hate him
I quickly think of when he ****** me in the parking garage before he flew out for Vegas last year
This year he won’t even speak more than two phrases to me
After two years
I wonder if he will **** her the same way he ****** me
Or is it different because he probably loves her
I light up my cigarette
I try not to think about him
How much I am trying not to crumble
Not for him
Love is tricky like that
One word like airport
It can bring back so many things
Maybe pain is tricky like that

This year will be the hardest one
Because I’m replacing two with you

Sometimes
Sometimes I miss you so much
That I think I’m not gonna make it
I don’t know how I’m gonna
Get through that day without talking to you
But then I do
And the sun rises
And the sun falls
Somehow I keep doing it all

Another day
Another day my phone doesn’t ring at 5:30 on the dot anymore
Another day without your voice at the end of it
Just another day

I love him so much

I am the rabbit
You are the carrot
Dangling on a string
Is that all we are doomed to be?

I wonder when you’ll realize
You love me
And you miss me
Probably on my wedding night

I feel nothing
I feel so far away
And then I think of your sheets
And your bed
And your skin
And the walls at night
Sliding in out of bed
All next to you
I can smell you

She’s there now
I wonder if sometimes
When her back is turned
Does she look like me
And that’s what you wanted

Hey
What are you having for dinner today
How have your days been
How have your weeks been
The months?
I just called to talk to your voicemail
I miss you

Hey
Can I come home now
I miss your bed

An ache so deep that
There are no more words
You begin to feel like
You’ll never meet anyone again
Constantly comparing everyone
To all of the good in you

Do you think of me as much as I
Think of you

Today I miss you
Tomorrow I might not think of you again
It’s been on and off lately
Which is much better than always on
I love you
I miss you
I miss the way you were always there
Small moments are the ones I never reveled in enough
Even though I thought I was soaking them up
I find myself staring in the mirror
I hope we meet in another life Bryce
And I hope we get to do it right in that one
The love I have for you is enough to bring me to my knees when I close my eyes

I miss you
And I miss you and I miss you and I miss youimissyouimissyouimissyou
I miss you so much until my heart gives out at the end of the day
Only to restart each morning when I wake up
Missing you
I never knew when my mother said
Life is unfair
She was talking about how you could love and love and love someone
But they didn’t have to love and love and love you back
So here I am at twelve am
Thinking of ways to tell you I love you
Ways to tell you I hate you
Thinking of writing love letters and giving grandiose notions you never deserved
Thinking of how she must be folded inside your arms
I know you don’t think about it at all
Think about me
That is
I miss you

Did everything go well today?
I mean, did everything go well moving into your new apartment?
How is the bedroom?
The one I’ll never see the inside of, the walls I’ll be unfamiliar with.
Was it everything you hoped for?
I missed you today
And yesterday
And the day before
Maybe not the day before that
But all the other days in between

I am tired of ***
What I crave is a kiss
Give me your lips
I want intimacy beyond words
Something special

I am not thinking about you anymore
Atleast that’s what I tell myself
But when I open my eyes in the morning
I can’t help but think about your day
I am not thinking about you anymore
I’m really trying
But I still wake up in the middle of the night, and wonder did everything go your way today?
I am not thinking about you anymore
I am hurting beyond measure
I’ve written this whole poem about you.

All the decorations on his walls, were hung up by me.
I pushed the tacks in the wall, the ones you look at while you **** him.

Everyone keeps calling me strong
I’m tired of being a house
Built by bricks

In my memories
You belong to me
And we belong to each other
It’s a sacred place

I continue talking about you in the past tense
Why do you keep talking about him like he’s dead
They ask me
Because to me he is
I reply
Everyone keeps moving about their tasks

Stupid *****
Huh
That’s what’s you said
I’ll show you why I’m the most intelligent
*****
In this room
No ***** you can grab
Me by

I’m the same artist
In every different stanza
You see different people
Different women
But we are all the same