I could be half way around the world
Looking at the most breath taking things
And then it hits me like a train
I miss you so much
It makes me ache

If you have time later,
You should listen to
For the first time
By Mac Demarco
If you are reading these
And you have the time

I’m begging you to find
The time
To call me

I take what I can get
While you give it
I think about how I missed having that
Valentines date with you last year
I took my mom to Eddie V’s instead
And I thought about why you disappeared again
I love you so much
I’ve been waiting for another chance, and I was unsure if you had even been interested in one
Life doesn’t feel as good when you aren’t in it
Even when it’s good
I know it could be great
All of these meals and memories
I want to share them with you
And from the moment you left your wedding
I’ve only ever loved you
Or tried to find people who remind me of you
I don’t want to wait to see you again
I want to hug you and touch your hands
I want to talk to you for hours

I just came here to say
I love you

A hopeless romantic thinks they will crumble when their soulmate builds a life with someone else
But a logical person knows we can survive this, if we push on
And that suffering can be so much worse
Do you think if you couldn’t see the sunrise anymore
You would still miss it
Or wouldn’t it just become your new normal

It doesn’t matter if I can’t see you
hear you,
or even speak to you sometimes
It could be 8 years
Or 1 year
And I always feel the same
You bring me to my knees

Sometimes I think about how I have only been with people since you
To get over you, to move on with life
And yet
I wish in the small moments I had
I hadn’t been so caught up in everything else
To seize getting you back
Would you have seen me again? I never tried because I was thinking you’d say no.
I have not stopped loving you since I saw you again, not for one moment
Looking for you in everyone else, but it never comes close
I love you so much though I feel like I could be here forever and it’d be ok
I keep waiting and waiting for anything to fall back into place with you and I
It always comes back to you
You you you

I open my eyes and
There you are in my mind
Can’t I please hold you again

Give me a sign
That you feel this way too
But deep down
Nothing need be said
I know the truth
About me and you
Love love love

I love you
And I miss you
And I love you
They are synonymous

I hope our kids find something like this
And they never let it go
Because I’ll never meet anyone else like this
Not like this

****
I wish it were me
Instead of her
I love you so much

You make me feel like I just took a deep breath of fresh air after being in a hot car
And things haven’t been miserable
Quite the opposite
But better with you here

You remember passion is there
And then like a wave
It subsides
Leaving you
Marooned in reality
But I love you anyway
I love you fiercely right down to my bones

Last night I dreamt
We shared a meal
And you were smiling
I was smiling too

Life is ok
And then I remember
Here we are on the same earth
Getting older apart from each other
And God,
That’s gotta be a sin somewhere
I wonder if I get on my hands and knees
And pray
Will I get to be near you again
My soul is thirsty for only
Something
You
Can quench

16, 23, 30
I love you in them all
We don’t have to wait
Until the next life to be together now
Call me, call me, call me
Let me just talk to you

I cannot live another eight years
without burying my face in your chest again
I understand what it means
To burn for someone
I’ve thought about it so much
Over and over and over again
I hope I see you again

Call me
Call me and I’ll answer
Just like I always have
Call me

You are the love of my life
The most intelligent
Amazing
Funny
Human being I’ve ever met
And nothing comes close to
What we had
Not even a whisper
You are my soul
I was sitting at this red light
Thinking about all the moments with you
And how good they were
I can’t stop missing you

I know if I heard your voice
I’d simply melt
arms around me would
Be my death
I’m getting old
You are getting old
Is this what it takes
I think of you every day

I miss you
In a way so deep
It’s woven into me
It has its fingers so deep in my soul
I yearn and yearn for you
I wonder when we will
Run into each other
Again

Just enough to miss
But never enough to stay

Ive been exhausted
I’ve eat the dirt and
I’ve drowned before
I almost died
Maybe once or twice
But I’m still here
I’m still here I could appreciate
The sun, the moon, and the stars

I missed you
I thought to myself in my kitchen, candle light beating against my face
As it flickered
By and by
I was still allowed to think about you
In the lonely hours

Maybe she didn’t get her marriage
Maybe I ruined that
She successfully solidified her place in your life
She poured the cement around her feet next to you
She was able to put herself in all the places I wanted to be
And I guess I was okay with that
I had to be
But I missed you
And I missed you
And I missed you
And I will miss you for the rest of our lives
How can I feel that you aren’t happy?

I hope you are reading this
In fact I hope you save this
Sometimes I think about kissing you
I think about our bodies pressed against each other
Big hands gripping my thighs
It’s the first night I brought you back to my apartment
We are on the little couch
But it’s more than that
I think about how
Heaven
Met
Earth
In between
Our thighs

I thought of you today
I thought of our moment in time
Our moment in space
I played our song
I think of records
Sunshine and coffee
The life we could have had
If they had let us

Sometimes
I think about the brief moment in time and space
where I experienced real love
With someone who loved me back
Someone who wanted to be with me
And sacrificed it all

I wonder if we can be together when we’re old

And then I move along with the regularly scheduled programming
Just another day
Another moment

My new doctor asks me, I see you have a history of depression, are you currently depressed or on medications?
I don’t struggle with depression
And as the lie escapes my mouth, I’m confused on why I would say that
I say I was sad for a year when I lost my job
But this is also a lie
I don’t know why I don’t tell her about the sadness that has been looming since 14
Or how hard it is to stand up sometimes, that it feels like my bones are stones made of the earth dragging me back where they belong
I don’t tell her that it’s harder for me than it is everyone else to stay consistent and on top of things
And maybe the answer is because for the last few months-
I have been good
Why speak anything else into existence
It felt like as long as ignored the fact that I couldn’t help slipping under every few months
That things would be okay
That I was a woman living her life without depression
But I know this isn’t true
An ache twinges inside me

I wake up now and I forget
But sometimes, in the early hours
I wake up and I can’t understand how you are miles away laying next to her
I roll over and stare at the ceiling
The whir of the fan in the background
The popcorn of the ceiling being kissed by the dimmed lamp from the 90s that has a turn dial on it
I sigh and I think to myself
“Why do I have these miserable thoughts and he gets to be so happy”
And then I think
Maybe this is why I have these miserable thoughts
I cared far too much
And he never cared enough
It’s been a year now-
So it’s easier
The mornings and hours I spend on them now
Are few and far between

I keep your shirt on the back of the couch
It smells like your house
You’d think I’d have kissed you before
I don’t even know what you taste like
But I wish I did

I wish so badly,
To not know small things about you,
Give me something that makes me dislike you

I met a boy who smelled like sunshine
He liked to make things with his hands like me
I asked him what is his last name
And by the end of the conversation
It wasn’t until two days later
I realized
He never asked once for mine
He didn’t ask anything about me at all
But now I couldn’t stop thinking
About him

Hey dear
I just came here to say
I still love you
And I don’t know if it’s ever gonna get better
But I’m so glad
You are happy without me

Somedays I miss you so much
It feels like there is no one else in this world
To talk to
It’s been almost a year
I still think about you every day
I’ve forced my thoughts to be farther between
Because I know the amount of good
It does me
I wish I could stop putting you in the front
Of this in invisible line
I love you so much
Sometimes I close my eyes and I pretend
If I think it hard enough
You will feel that moment too

If I take it day by day
And no one mentions the word longing
I don’t ache for you
Anymore

Rage burns inside me
It’s so easy to spit your own poison back at you
One way or another
It just hurts
Instead I sit here
Fire turns into hot tears
Rushing down my face
Burns ditches in lines
I wonder if karma is real
How do you continue to get away with this

And all I’m worried about is
Having to stand in a room with you
Today is a day
Where I wish my face
Didn’t look like yours
So it wasn’t so noticeable
That I’m the one who looks
Just like you
That you never talk to

I use to get so mad
When you’d wake me up
Midnight hours
Asking me questions about myself
Please
I’d say
Let me go back to sleep
Such an annoyed tone
Now it’s 12 am again
But it’s silent
I find myself saying things in my head
Like
Sorry I got so annoyed
And
I miss anyone
Anyone at all
Asking questions
About me
Genuinely

Hey, I haven’t stopped loving you
But every time we speak
You and I
We are with other people
Maybe not this time?

I can’t possibly understand how it could be anyone other than you
I thought maybe we finally had our chance
Our day beneath the honeysuckle
I miss you
Trying to figure out why you’d stop
Talking to me
I want to finally share that meal
So much time has passed and
I’m almost 30 now
Please call me
Please call me

I keep trying to talk to you
Reach out to you
How long will it be this time
Another year
Maybe 5
I love you

It’s ten o clock, and I am on the way to the car for a solo adventure to chicken nuggets. The sinking feeling of emptiness is heavy like the beginning summer air around me, I miss you. I open the car door, I plop down, I place my hands on the wheel and let out the biggest sigh. I can feel the tears coming already, falling down. I don’t want to start thinking about you again, but here come the questions pouring in, garage lights faintly illuminating my skin.
I need to pull out now, I need to go and eat. I am angry that you have once again taken up so much of my time, I am empty because I can’t remember what you smell like.

If you are reading this
I want you to know
I can’t talk to you anymore
But if you ever find yourself
Sitting down
Sharing a meal
And I cross your mind
It’s probably because
I am thinking of you too
While somewhere around the world
I eat
And I sit
-For B

Waiting for the day
I look back on my own words
With disdain
Instead of longing

I am wondering if you still read my works
Maybe you could talk to me soon
Please

Some things neednt be said
They stand the way ancient trees do
Just like the way
I love you

I hope everytime you give her a little piece of what you never gave me
You question yourself
You think of me
You think of my pain
I hope you try to justify it but it constantly falls through
How do you sleep at night replacing what we had