I mourn for the girl who has become woman
I sort through old photos
She and I are the same
But her face has less wear and tear
No deep grooves
From furrows and smiles
This hangs around me
This air of bittersweet sorrow
How I longed to be her still
Naive, and unknowing

Hey Dill
I miss you

I wish you’d call
A thousand times I wish you’d call
But instead I’m up at midnight
Making eggs in a basket
Thinking of you
How much I love you

Loving you is like faith
I can’t see you, hear you, smell you
But I know you are all around me
I wake up and feel you enveloping my space
I wish you knew how much I endlessly and eternally loved you

If I could dial you now I would
A speed dial situation for sure
Remembering a voice is so strange
Isn’t it
I remember your life and the way you say certain phrases
There’s no one else I’d rather be having a full hearted conversation with
Don’t make me wait until
I’m a raisin the sun

We are just sitting around day dreaming
Missing each other
Aren’t we
I miss you
Can’t explain how I can feel you
Thinking about me

I could get to know a thousand more
Fascinating people
But they aren’t the flint
To the steel in my heart
Ready to start a fire
I ******* MISS you

I miss you, I love you, I miss you, I love you
Talking to you is something irreplaceable
My soul lights on fire with simple words
And I’m reminded
I’m never alone with you here in this world
Even when you are silent
Isn’t it a fact that we always find each other
I love you, I miss you

Just came by to say
I miss you again

I miss you today
I miss you every day
I love you and I say it out loud to myself sometimes
Growing up makes me want to put sticks in my eyes
Because it should all be easier than this
It should be easier for me to see you
And I wish we could go back
To the camper
Sitting outside
Talking for hours
But this time instead of being an idiot
I would go to the back with you
Lay down in the room
I really love you man and I miss you
And I miss you I miss you I miss you
The more I say it, I’m just trying to drill it in
I hope you can hear it

I love you so much it hurts
I fold back into myself
I fold over and over and over
Please let me hear your voice

I never realized how much you look for me
In everyone

Another six months
Another year
I’m almost thirty
And then I’ll be practically forty
Please, I miss you

Because I wake up in the morning
And start my day thinking about you
Somewhere between packing lunches
And taking Gabriel to school
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night too
I think you must be somewhere there
Me on your mind as well
I will never be able to love anyone else the way that I love you
The worst part is being able to move on, knowing nothing will ever be good enough
Nothing will ever be the same
Nothing will ever matter as much
I have moved on to focusing on my sons life
To get him to his happy place
I wonder when I will look up and see my own wrinkled hands
Even then, I know I will miss you
That’s what breaks me, knowing we will go from old to young
It makes no sense, you are my soulmate you know
Even after all this time, even after all these years
It’s all the same, how I feel inside about you
All the dust you kicked up, has settled
And I know now that you see me there too
It’s why you can’t help yourself
Please call me
Call me call me call me
We can talk and be full

I miss you so much
I’m begging so badly I would pull my heart out if you need
Give me a chance
Let me talk to you
Call me please
I can not stop thinking about you

There is a certain level of respect
You must carry for the person you built a life with
Experienced things with
But they will never be the one who pops into your head
When you read poetry about love
Or songs about things you can’t put into words
I’d move mountains
And split the sky
Just to be next to you

-please talk to me-

And then
things go back to normal
regularly scheduled programming
Regular, every day
Mundane things
With the sharpness of a blade
I think about your hands
How big they are compared to mine
But these are seconds inside of
Large moments
-I will always miss you-

When you read my poems
Does it feel like your talking to me
If you close your eyes right now
Can you hear me
Whispering in your ear
Can you remember what my voice sounds like?

Im so clueless
I went back and read our messages in ‘23
I think I was oblivious
So oblivious
To you trying to hang out with me

I waited a whole year
Thinking maybe we would be together again
Maybe it was close to our time
Maybe you were just going through something
I kept looking for you everywhere
To tell you about Valentines
And then I told myself
Maybe you really did forget me
Maybe I was the only one here
I’m not sure of what I’m sure of anymore
But I do know how much I love you

Here I am
Missing you hard enough
I wonder if I keep missing you hard enough
you might
Materialize right here
If I close my eyes
I could solidify you
Make you real
In my head you are driving to me
Or maybe someone drives you to me
But it’s not really
And tomorrow comes

The sun rises
And you think of me

-this is a fact of life-

Intrepid followers
For
The blameless god of love
Giving their hearts for sacrifice
For their chance
To be eaten up

I wish I knew
why you won’t
Talk to me

Almost 12 am
I am reminiscing over every conversation we had
I saved them all
Sometimes when I miss you enough
I read them over and over
From the beginning
Like a movie of time being played out
Between us
When I see them enough
I feel like I’m near you
In that space where we were once
So so close
Almost like a Time Machine
I can’t figure out how it all happened so fast
you are like grasping at steam as it floats away
I can feel the wet heat in my hands
How can I be near you again  
I’m waiting for steam to rise, turn into rain, and wash over me

Goodnight
Sleep tight
Don’t let
The bed bugs
Bite
I miss you
I love you

And although I cannot
Hear, touch, taste, or see you
I am sure that your love for me exists

How are you there
And I’m here
And why
Why do you want it this way

There isn’t at least one moment
Where I don’t think of you
On any day
Even when you are away

Homesick when you are an adult is different
Home isn’t a place anymore
Somehow it becomes a person
And as I’m sure you were taught
At a very young age
Life isn’t fair
Sometimes you miss someone so much
You think you won’t make it through the day
But you do anyway, and you keep on
And on and on and on
Years pass
But there you are
Still remembering the smell of his linen
Pressed against your nose

I’m reeling between these messages
Because I know
Somewhere between our favorite shows
And books
And I miss yous
That there is a deep deep love

Do you come and go
Because it’s hard for you
Is it hard to talk to me
And think of everything we could be
Because I’d be with you
In anyway I could

The only man
Who never called me names
Just stayed by my side
And celebrated

It has to mean something
That we think of each other
At the same time of day

It’s already been four almost five years
Isn’t that crazy
And through this ocean of change
I can still see your eyes in my mind
They make me feel free

And if my poetry proves anything
Let it be proof
That I haven’t ever stopped loving you
Since I laid my eyes on you again

I catch myself
Going back in time
Let’s have that baby
Let’s go get married

Are you as sad as I am without you
I won’t say that I’m without joy
Because I do find certain moments
But nothing
Nothing compares to how I feel
When you say hi to me

I wonder why
Everytime you had a chance
You didn’t run home to me

That’s it
Isn’t it
I’m here
You are there
And maybe in a few years I’ll see you again
But it’s unbearable to think of
It comes crashing down on me like a tidal wave
I could fall to my knees and
Beg god to hear your voice

Forgive me
If I repeat the little details
I’m trying to cram in as much as I can
While I still have the time
I try to say everything but
How much I’m in love with you
How much I wish I could drive to you right now
Share some time with you

I just
want to hear your voice

I could be half way around the world
Looking at the most breath taking things
And then it hits me like a train
I miss you so much
It makes me ache

If you have time later,
You should listen to
For the first time
By Mac Demarco
If you are reading these
And you have the time

I’m begging you to find
The time
To call me

I take what I can get
While you give it
I think about how I missed having that
Valentines date with you last year
I took my mom to Eddie V’s instead
And I thought about why you disappeared again
I love you so much
I’ve been waiting for another chance, and I was unsure if you had even been interested in one
Life doesn’t feel as good when you aren’t in it
Even when it’s good
I know it could be great
All of these meals and memories
I want to share them with you
And from the moment you left your wedding
I’ve only ever loved you
Or tried to find people who remind me of you
I don’t want to wait to see you again
I want to hug you and touch your hands
I want to talk to you for hours

I just came here to say
I love you

A hopeless romantic thinks they will crumble when their soulmate builds a life with someone else
But a logical person knows we can survive this, if we push on
And that suffering can be so much worse
Do you think if you couldn’t see the sunrise anymore
You would still miss it
Or wouldn’t it just become your new normal

It doesn’t matter if I can’t see you
hear you,
or even speak to you sometimes
It could be 8 years
Or 1 year
And I always feel the same
You bring me to my knees

Sometimes I think about how I have only been with people since you
To get over you, to move on with life
And yet
I wish in the small moments I had
I hadn’t been so caught up in everything else
To seize getting you back
Would you have seen me again? I never tried because I was thinking you’d say no.
I have not stopped loving you since I saw you again, not for one moment
Looking for you in everyone else, but it never comes close
I love you so much though I feel like I could be here forever and it’d be ok
I keep waiting and waiting for anything to fall back into place with you and I
It always comes back to you
You you you