When you just feel like you need to throw up. Not physically. But emotionally.
Like you'd projectile ***** grief and self-hatred all over your walls but it won't come out.
Your throats closed up. You can barely breath and your vision is blurring.
Your heart pounds somewhere deep in the cavity of your chest, and with every pump it shakes your bones.
Your veins are filled with poison and your skin is fire.
Is this what dying feels like?

Watch me die
choking, strangled
watch yourself stand there
not moving a finger

You hover over the send button
and think about all the people who don't want you anymore
and how they're one of those people

Sleeping off your depression is not an effective treatment
-
-
-
you will try it anyway

don't let the loneliness come inside
let it sit in the rain on your doorstep
because you know if you even crack your door
it will barge in and take everything you have

I need someone to touch me
I want hands on face
arms around my waist
a hand to hold
someone i love to love me back for once

There's this gut wrenching feeling in me
'i should have known'
but i would have never thought
you wouldn't love me

I've never felt as safe as i do
when I'm talking to you

I touch my face and pretend they are your hands

I shut my eyes to my loneliness
pretending not to see how it hollows me
I shield my eyes from the embraces of others
as not to let them touch me so violently

Live music is a numbing, healing thing
The music is so loud you can't talk to the people around you
So you all wade around each other
Satisfied with just....being
And let the vibrations sink into you

If i write lots of stupid poetry about you ,
That's how you know i love you

You took my breath away
In the worst way possible

some days i get so sad you don't love me
that i can't even look at you
some days i ignore that you don't love me
and i can't look away

When I'm sad about you
I talk to you
Because you're also one of the only things that makes me happy

God you make my heart hurt like nothing else
But I still tremble when you smile at me
My hands still shake when they brush up against yours

You don't even know I'm trying to write poetry about you
And then failing because i start crying every time before i can finish

You make my heart take off
Like it was born with these wings
But every time I look at you
They grow another inch

Awkward Glaces turned into
Fumbling fingers turned into
Nervous laughter turned into
Hopeless smiles turned into
Heart Break and it was always
All of the passion i could muster
All of it for **you

I've been on this sea-saw for what seems like an eternity
I keep gaining courage, just to feel unworthy

you want to be pretty
but your soul is stained by ugly things

Just tell me that you love me one more time
and I'll try to find solace in that

my lungs can only take so much before i drown
tried to call 911 but my fingers forgot how
now I’m swimming in a sea of troubles
there is no escape
my white flag was torn to shreds by the wind that's whipping my face
calling for help is useless now
my throat is raw from my screams
eyes are getting foggy
if i sleep I’ll awake from this dream

I was up all night crying again
And it isn't the pain in my chest that bothers me
It's the fact that I'm so used to tasting my own tears
that i could recognize them in an ocean

I know it may seem  pretentious now and then
but i'll close my eyes and pretend
that i can feel your lips upon my face
that i know how you taste
cuz darling even though i cant have you here
i know there's nothing to fear
But without you it hurts to sleep
Give me your heart to keep
I'll lock it up inside my head
and act like it doesn't make me feel dead
that i have to read your words
instead of hear your voice
and i know it's not like i really have a choice
but if i did
i'd listen to you speak for hours
and with our love we could build mountains, towers
so just know
even though we can't touch or feel
even though I'm way over here
i still love you all the same
and nothing, NOTHING
is gonna change that

Because
I feel sick to my stomach
Because
My mom isn't going to let me stay home
Because
She cares more about what the school says than how her daughter feels

I have butterflies
But they aren't the cute kind
No
They feel like hell
Like when someone unexpectedly touches your stomach
And it feels like it turns inside out
That's what I have
(all the time)

I just needed extra love today
but there was no one around to give it
and i realized that's my life
I am the one who gives extra love
Not the one who gets extra love given to her

No, it's not that I'm lonely
It's that loving her makes me so

Fair as the winter snow
But if she is cold you'd never know
Locks like autumn
Smile like spring
Warm as summer
She makes me want to sing