what do you do when you can't do anything right
when you try so hard to be that flawless being
that one person everyone adores
but you only seem to mess everything up
and hurt people you love

what do you do
when the one thing you want
is so unattainable
and your passions in life
are too unrealistic

what do you do
when you only let people down
like a setting sun that never rises
like a shot just shy of the target

what do you do when you are close
but never quite there
always just a second choice
never the priority
because i can't do it anymore
and there only seems to be one option
out

s.s

im sorry
but i love him
although it's not what you want to hear
that boy
to me
is ever so dear

s.s

maybe being honest
is always so tough
because to you
my everything
is never good enough

s.s

i caught your stare

it would have hurt less
if you had stabbed me in the stomach
and twisted hard
letting warm blood seep through my clothes

at least then
i would have been warm

because your glance
sent chills through my body
and i sat there
unable to move
paralyzed by ice blue
dizzy on forgotten love fumes

all because
i caught your stare

s.s

death is terrifying
but only because it is the unknown
we are always afraid of what we don't know

maybe that's why i can't bring myself to ask you
if you still care
or maybe that's why i can't swallow
these little round tickets to freedom
sitting in my hand

because it is unknown

and it is terrifying

but in all honesty
the unknown
of living without you
is so much worse
and it is unknown
what i will do next
because the one thing i do know

is that i can't do this

s.s

it's pathetic
when your eldest child
must be watched
by your youngest
only because
they kept the truth
bottled up
and sent it out to sea

s.s

i used to admire
the innocence of a child
how everything in their world was so
carefree

until i met a 5 year old boy
who asked if i could be his new mommy
because his old one wasn't around anymore

until i met a 10 year old girl
who had the same red slashes on her wrist
as i do now

until i met a 12 year old boy
who could tell me more about a broken family
than any child should ever be able to

until i met a 15 year old girl
who lived in the mirror
and wanted so badly to change everything she saw

i used to admire the innocence of a child
i always thought their worlds were so
carefree
but then i realised
that even children
are just as ****** as the rest of us

s.s

i am terrified
to spill my guts
because oceans will pour out
and i am afraid
you won't know what to do with the storm
and i will only drown you

s.s

lullabies laced with lies
i sang them everyday
convincing you and everyone else
but i let the truth decay
said i no longer cared
and at the moment i really didn't
but deep down inside
i knew i couldn't believe it
because at the end of the day
i really did care
but i knew it would hurt you
and it was a truth i didn't want to bear
i wanted to push it away
and appear the perfect person
but after so many mistakes
it's about time i learn my lesson

s.s

i need help
before i help myself
because my helping hand
is only leading me to hell

s.s

there's a wonderful pain
when metal touches skin
that somehow releases
monsters bottled within
quick hand movements
observed through tear blurred eyes
and if you go deep enough
you can earn deaths sweet prize
but waking in the morning
with red stained arms
leaves you paranoid with guilt
setting off silent alarms

s.s

it drains you of everything you have
when you lose someone you love
you forget how to function
and it takes ages to relearn how to live

you will spend so many nights
clutching your knees screaming into tear soaked pillows
racking your brain for some reason as to why
you just weren't good enough
that when you finally have a night
where you just lay down and sleep
you will wake up in confusion
feeling uncomfortable without streams of sorrow
but even then the nights are still restless
because they lace your dreams like drugs slipped into unwatched drinks
more than ever

you will spend so many days
walking to destinations with no purpose
following a meaningless schedule
but you won't remember a minute of it
because your brain is constantly hazy
like the loss of them is a thick fog settling on the world around you

you will fight so many times
not to breakdown when you hear their name
constantly taming tears biting at the back of your eyes
taking deep breaths to loosen your tightened throat
you will fall to your knees on the bathroom floor
staring into the porcelain bowl in front of you
as your vision swirls with the water
and you sit in a pain you could never have imagined

you will be heartbroken for too long
with a piece of you gone
knowing there is nothing you could do
to fix it

s.s

your kiss was sweet like honey
and as electric as open wires
now his lips
taste like toxins on my tongue
poisons with no spark

s.s

it is always back there
in the farthest corners of my mind
waiting to seep out after sunset
at the lowest moments

and it aches
making everything heavy
like cement rolling through my veins
weighing me down so i can no longer run

it holds me like a planet in orbit
making itself the center of my universe
yet it is the farthest thing from a bright star

so i just sit
staring into the darkness
but not seeing
only feeling
feeling the feeling of not wanting to feel

s.s

the devil looks just like me
she resides inside my head
permeating all my thoughts
assembling words better left unsaid
she stares back at the mirror
and shrieks in pure disgust
whispers every single flaw she sees
reassuring that it's her i trust
her rambling is so piercing
that it shatters the glass with ease
and shards lay so unnerving
pulling me to my knees
so she hands me broken fragments
to glide across delicate skin
and with one last sickly smile
i finally rid the devil within

s.s

i hope her smile brings you a euphoria your drugs could never match
that her touch is like ecstasy and sets fire to your skin
i hope you crave her more than you crave death
that she brings on waves of love induced delirium
i hope she fills you with passion
that pours out of your eyes and into hers
most of all i hope she makes you happy
because that is the one thing i couldn't manage to do

s.s

somehow our country can't see the chaos we have created

we have become blind to brutality and ignorant to agony
hate drips from our tongues and we spit it into the ears of everyone around us
people are taking their lives and nobody cares for the right reasons
instead of raising our red and blue flags people are cutting and beating red and blue
         into delicate skin
all focus is on politics and economics
there is no more heart just hands
hands on bodies that don't belong to you
hands on technology manipulating as many minds as it can reach
hands on substances that block out the pain of people
hands on weapons to blast away problems we don't want to face
yet hands still over hearts pledging to a country we have slowly lost

it is a statement far from fabricated
that america can't see the chaos we have created

s.s

my hands are filled with heartache when i wrap my fingers around your palms
begging to feel the warmth of your touch but only finding a cold limp grasp

i hear sorrow in your heartbeat when i lay my head upon your chest as your heart pumps the sadness through your body
and i consistently hope you never make that heartbeat stop

i feel the catastrophe of existence when you clutch my shoulders
forcing me to stare into dark holes where your bright eyes once resided

i see a suffering in your being that even the devil would bow down to
finding satisfaction in the distress of your every breath

most of all i see myself in the reflection of your eyes
as tears create a mirror matching misery of my own
silently begging me to fix the pain deeply rooted in your soul

so sweetheart i will give my very life and the final light left in my eyes
just to illuminate every last dark corner of your soul

for as long as i am standing by your side i will give you my everything
just so you have a fighting chance to defeat the onset of darkness that i have already given into  

s.s

you never saw it coming
i was just your daughter
how could i **** you without even taking your life
but somehow i have
i have killed you in a way only i am capable of
broke your heart into pieces not even i can put back together
but i am just your daughter
so you never saw it coming

s.s

you told me you were tired of living

i couldn't help but picture you
sitting on the edge of your bed
glaring at the bottom of a trash can
wishing you could throw up your last breath
rather than feel the nausea of a steady beating heart

i pictured you
hugging your knees on the bathroom floor
hands grabbing your mouth and chest
begging for both to stop moving
as tears leak out of red eyes in steady streams

i pictured you
wide awake as the hours steadily march towards sunrise
unable to move because the world kept you pinned to the floor
and you watch the clock tick and tick
feeling as though every minute was just another wasted

i pictured you
hurting in a way you couldn't bear
and i want to grab you and hold you
until the very sadness that makes you feel this way
seeps into my skin just so you can breathe

i can't help but picture you this way
because it is the way i was when i told you those very words
that i was tired of living
so i will do anything to make sure you never feel that way
and i will do anything to protect you from hurting

s.s

eyes like the dark soil i'll be buried in
mixed with the bright sunlight that heats the cobblestone

s.s

i swear
that smile can fix everything

with just that one look
i can feel all the collapsed pieces of my life
forthcoming from the rubble
but then you leave
as you always do now
and that gracious grin follows

then i remember
you're not mine to keep
and unfortunately
it’s a merciless existence
without you

s.s

write so many words that you can stitch together the bleeding slits on your skin with delicate sentences of the heartache that caused them

write so many words that lullabies pour out of you like soft waterfalls flowing to your childrens ears letting them know that the world isn't always as bad as it seems

write so many words that they overflow on the empty pages of books setting whole universes to life in the minds of millions

write so many words that you can never look at this earth the same because everything you see forms dazzling poetry in your head

write so many words that your hand aches from the relief of pouring out your soul on paper and setting your relentless thoughts to rest with every letter

just write

write until the world feels right again

s.s

unconditional
what a divine way to describe it

how else would you say
that i will love you
no matter how much you hurt me
that you could **** me
and i'd die
with a smile
plastered across my face
simply from the touch of your skin
and i'd die
with salty love filling my eyes
and pouring over the face
you once called yours

ah yes, unconditional
i couldn't have described it better

s.s

in some ways i think it will always hurt
and i know i will always remember
but maybe that’s what made it real
maybe that's why we met
for me to remember
not only the intoxicating madness
i always felt when i was with you
and the way just a brush of your skin
could set me on fire
giving me a high only you could create
but also remember
the way my chest tightened when you left
the way i thought i would never make it beyond you
the way you hurt me more than anyone ever had before
when i could never dream of doing that to you
yes maybe we met so i could remember
what it felt like to fall in love
and so i would never forget
what it takes to unlove

s.s

i wish i could care less
like you tell me i do
i wish my mind
would not be
surrounded
by you
by you
surrounded
i would not be
if i could care less
just as you keep telling me

s.s

please forgive me
when i go
but there was a sadness in me
i never did show

i kept it buried inside
where only i could feel
and i tried to tell myself
that it just wasn't real

i hid it from all
because it knew what it did
it tears you apart
with a darkness you can't rid

and i have tried my best
and thought i could handle it
but it has been so long
it is time i give in to it

so i bid my farewell
it will be better this way
and know it's not your fault
but i could no longer stay.

s.s

i love you
you don't get that do you
i get so upset
because i ******* care about you
but i am tired
of the agony
you keep on creating
like this life
is just
        a game
a game
i am losing
so go ahead
with your life
but keep me out of it
because you are dragging me
d
   o
      w
         n
and i am tired of fighting it

s.s

i care about you
more than i can put into words
and it's awful
knowing i am no longer yours
but i'll keep writing ****** poems
and smiling when i see you
because deep down inside
i still hope you miss me too
because you seem to solve all my problems
but their problems that you've created
so i am forever confused
thinking this love is overstated

s.s

sweetheart
i beg of you
be careful
please
you mean to much
to make mistakes
you can't take back

s.s

it continues to amaze me
     everyday
how those little things
are so awe worthy
it is so bizarre
how something like a smile
can invoke
     such
        immeasurable
           emotion
or how a pair of eyes
can set fire to your insides
and make you feel a rush
you can't even put into words
it is
all in all
     fascinating
how a single person
can make you want to
     l i v e
when nothing else does

s.s

one day
the clear, endless water
will no longer remind me of you
because you do not deserve that
you are more raging seas
than calm ocean
when i look at you
i should feel the danger
of rough surf
rather than enticement
and the pull of the tides
i will break away
because i know
what a storm like you causes
a destruction
i am still recovering from

s.s

in all honesty
i would rather you hate me
than what you are doing now

i would rather you forget me
and pretend like you never knew me
than what you are doing now

i would rather you scream till i sob
and yell till your throat goes raw
than what you are doing now

because now you use affection as a weapon
and continue to keep my heart in possession
yet never really give me yours

you only come to me when you need something
and i can't say it's anything but crushing
knowing i'm nothing to you

what you are doing is just plain cruel
the pain you’re inflicting is utterly brutal
yes, i honestly wish you would hate me

s.s

i have heard sorrow
in the sobs of my mother
     -a sound you can't unhear

i miss you and i can't sleep
it's like this every night
alone and quiet as i weep
it is a constant fight
it would be so relieving
if you were just nearby
i know this all sounds so cliche
but it's a truth i can't deny
so as i lay here wide awake
there's one thought that repeats
i miss you and i can't sleep
and that's the truth i can not beat

s.s

i kind of like the hurting
because it makes me feel something
other than numb
but god
oh god
i would so much rather
feel the life
that happiness brings

s.s

i am sick of it
i am sick of waking up
only to feel utter emptiness
completely numb to the world
i am sick of talking to “friends”
who couldn't care less
and don't give a **** about me
i am sick of looking at my loved ones
only to see the disappointment i have caused
staring back at me
i am sick of being a failure
when i am trying my best
and somehow doing worst
i am sick of the nights
when i cry my eyes out
feeling worse than ever before
i am sick of living
i am sick of people
i am sick of breathing
i         am        sick

s.s

welcome, welcome
to the poets parade
please join us now
and never be afraid
we welcome you
to march your words
across the screens of hundreds
to make your thoughts heard
we will stand with you
through thick and thin
and we promise to make sure
you don't feel alone again
we will be with you
through the good and the bad
and help you create art
out of the experiences you've had
yes welcome, welcome
to the poets parade
please join us now
and never be afraid

s.s.

my “best friend” does not care
and my best friend is not there

s.s

we are all born addicts
        addicted
        to love
we crave those chemicals
coursing through our blood
beating in time with our heart
engulfing our mind
love tearing us apart
letting sanity unwind
but it will all be worth it
if we can just get our fix
that sweet taste of love
and the pain it inflicts
because we are all addicts
        addicted
        to love
and once we get a hit
we can never get enough

s.s

i do not understand
i     do    not     understand

how can someone brighten all your darkness
yet strip away your light
how can someone fix all your broken pieces
yet break them more than ever
how can someone promise to stay by your side
yet abandon you at the first opportunity
how can someone leave you when they said they wouldn't
yet expect you to be there when they crawl back
how can someone tell you that you don't care about them
yet you have told them countless times you care more than ever
how can someone tell you they will just forget about you
yet you could never erase them from your memory

i just do not understand
how can love be such a contradiction

s.s

how many dead kids will it take
before our system realises it’s corrupted

how many slit wrist will it take
before our system sees that peace has been disrupted

how many meds have to be prescribed
before our system notices hate has erupted

how many hurting people will it take
before our system admits
the way it raises its children is destructive

s.s

it was the color of your eyes, the ones i first fell for
the color that would turn electric when you smiled
or soften when you looked my way
it was the color of the shirt you left at my house
the one that resided by my side at night
the same color you wore when things went south
it was the color of the clear, endless sky
on those days we walked hand in hand
with me believing the sky would never turn dark
it was the color of the lake when i sat at the dock
staring into the deep murky shade
wishing it was lighter to mimic your eyes
it is the color i create
to dance with blacks and purples
across my skin at night
still wishing you were here by my side

s.s

oh sweetheart
     do you remember
whispering i love yous
in hushed voices
late at night

     do you remember
telling me stories
with your arms around my waist
under the moonlight

     do you remember
laughing on the floor
then looking at each other
and just laughing more

     do you remember
laying by my side
running fingers across my skin
and holding me tight

     do you remember
all those dumb things we did
when we were just happy
love struck kids

oh sweetheart
     do you remember
when your love for me seemed true
because unfortunately
i still remember it too

s.s

i would **** to know
if i’ve been on your mind
because for awhile now
you’ve been running through mine

s.s

a memory of us
along with the words i used to trust
words that were truly lies
only daggers in disguise

s.s

i am aware i speak ill of love
but that is only because
i've felt the heartache of love
the pain that coincides
with those sweet butterflies

s.s

i miss you
oh god i miss you
every **** night
and the hard part is
i know i shouldn't
you weren't good for me
i am better off without you
but i still miss you
oh god i miss you
every   ****   night

s.s

i wish i could talk to you
          as i used to
when i didn't worry about what i said
and could speak with ease
when my words flowed to you
like quiet rivers
flowing to the ocean
i wish i could be around you
          as i used to
when i would melt at your side
rather than flinch at your accidental touch  
when your embrace felt like more of a home
than the house i lived in
i wish i could be yours
          as i used to

s.s

do you ever feel
that life isn't right
that things are not the way they're supposed to be
you look around and the world is
distorted
dull
different
but you can’t do anything to fix it

no matter how hard you try

s.s