It is
what I do
since the 50's
of my 18 years —

Mummy, do you
cry when you
walk away
and leave me
crying here (too?)

There were wars
where we fought it out,
like angry soldiers
without cause —
without loyalty...

So mummy, you should know,
I will forever
be loyal to you
even when I tell you
I am upset with you,
even when you
are digging your claws
so cluelessly
into my throat —

A fortune teller
once told you,
you told me,
that I didn't know,
sometimes,
if you loved me;
You said then,
"There's no way, right?"
like you weren't sure, and
I said, "Of course not."
I did not lie,
I know.
(even when my nightmares were of you forgetting me)

Like a person waking up from a car crash,
I know I have all my limbs,
I just don't
remember,
and I am just
scared.

Laying on the bed
Tears running down my face

I'm listening to music
But it does not fill the hole In my heart

*I need you here

The journey to becoming a man is often left unsaid.
From the tribes of Africa, to the plains of America,
Each footstep gets closer and closer ahead.
I often think back to my father, so young, so strong, and so scared.

Already having another daughter, and now having another pair.
I ask the question, how could he bare?
The fact of starting another life, marrying another wife,
And attempting the job to prepare, to be super dad, father of the year.

But, he’s the best man in my life, my role model, second to Christ.
Not perfect, but he’s mine.
My dad, so many things come to my head.

I hope to be half the man you are as I grow older.
For I know you’ll always be with me,
Keeping an arm over my shoulder.

Because looking in the mirror,
I can’t help but to see you.
Please bless me with the knowledge and the wisdom
To be you.
Thank you, and continue to be my dad.

I Love you.

Is it something I said
Is it just how it is
Did some other girl give him more than I did

Is he telling the truth
That its not me, it's him
Is it something I said?
Is that just how it is?

What do I do??
Its summer I get it
But what to do?
I want to spend this summer with you
But you said you don't want me around
I suppose this summer will be like the few lonely ones

But hey
Admit to it that you had fun last summer
Haha

I don't even know why
I'm punishing myself

because I'm never going to be like the rest.
I'm never going to be who I want to be.

I don't know why I'm letting myself be left behind
wishing I let myself go but trying to convince myself

it was
the right thing to do
(I know it wasn't)

I can live in denial though
I have and I will.

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I won't let myself cry

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It's my fault anyways

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I should've known you were trouble.

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