Misery misery misery
Longing longing longing
Regrets regrets regrets
Doin' the self pity rag

Dragging through the mud
Mired in the dregs
Taking selfies in the mirror
in the bathroom

Raising my arms
Doin' the self pity rag.

Complaining complaining complaining
Why can't reality be
The way I want it to be

Spinning spinning spinning
Doin' the self pity rag

A dust devil
A tumble ****
Blowing down a desert highway
Looking at the ground
No water no sanctuary around
Bowing down
One more time
Doin' the self pity rag.

My life is an onion peeled by time
An artichoke one leaf at a time
The heart of the matter lays within
Where the tears, the love and acceptance reside.

The sun rises
In the east.
The sun sets
In the west.
I run to and fro
And never find my rest.

Death was sticking a gun
in the back of my neck
It hurt like hell
I started to beg.

I realized than
If death pulled the trigger
There would be nothing,
The deepest dark
Just like before we were born.

I became totally calm, peaceful
and
content.

Surrender

All that remained
Was a whisper
And the endless silence.
The end of fear.

The dream it knew.

My days were never to be the same.

Love it
or
Leave it
or
Fix it
or
Be miserable

Which contentment
or
Which misery do you prefer?

Hold'em
or
Fold'em

Honor commitment
or
Cut your losses

51%/49%

Yes
or
No

No
or
Yes

I guess that's the way
It goes.

You say
There are no answers
You bray
Time you catch when you may
You'll end up on your knees
There is nothing else to do
But pray.

I don't want to get home
Too late
There are many obstacles in the way
Romances and dances
Which lead us astray.

Hungry states of mind
Interrupting
Stillness
Calmness
Peace.

Fire has all the attributes of life
It reproduces, it feeds, it evacuates
It struggles to survive.

Fire is life
The sun
The stars
Are alive.

They are born
They live
They die

Is consciousness an aberration?

Are the sun and the stars fully conscious
&
What are they thinking about?

Black holes
The great extinguisher
I
Guess they must be death
Get ****** in
Lights out.

The sun is red
The wild fires are Screaming & Howling
Filled with vitality and power

I hear the wood stove singing
On a frozen winter morning
while mother madrone
nurtures her young.

We are invincible
Until we're not
We are immortal until we are forgotten
Discomfort joys
Uphill walks all pass.

Time is a wind
Blowing fast and slow
Time is a wind
Blowing slow and fast

Moments of peace and contentment
is all we can ask.

Truth may be beauty
&
Beauty may be truth

The present is forever the past.

That's all we know
&
Maybe that's all we need to know.

Tonight in the dark the trees
Are talking to me
The leaves chattering in the imperceptible breeze

Their telling me
But I don't understand

The starlings like a river flew from one tree to another

Their telling me
But I am in awe of their choreography

The redwoods a thousand years old

Their telling me
But speaking from under the soil

The ocean never silent

It's telling me
There is no mercy

The stars endless

Their telling me
I'm here now

This life it's a breath

It's telling me.
And that I understand.

When cooking the mind concentrates,
Washing dishes the mind wanders.

It's snowing covid
We've all had to take shelter from the storm.

We're wearing gloves & masks
As if it were freezing cold
We can see everyone's breath
Friends lovers strangers
Our own
carrying death.

Dangerous to go to the store
Apocalyptic vibes

We're like magnets staying polar opposites
pinballing around the room
To avoid each other

Total intimacy
Total isolation
Perfect relationships for the 21st Century
Everything's slowed down
Tahoe blue skies
Carbon ****** away
Coyotes running through the streets
The whole planet on furlough
Creative projects
Free at last
The agoraphobics *******
Rich in time
Poor in money
We're reminded once again
Nature bats last.

Ever since it started snowing covid.

Where we're going from here,
We don't know
Wishful thinking
Careful planning
It's all in the cellular snow
And it just keeps on snowing
its been said before
The one thing we do know
There's a bad moon on the rise
But
The seasons come and go
Wars they come and go
And the snow eventually blows away with the winds.

I know I love you
But I can't say why
I know I love you
But I can't say how
I know I love you
But I can't say when

I know I love you
We keep doing another day
again and again.

We've come to tell you
We've fallen in love
She's going away with me
We respect you too much
To leave you hanging
You've done so much
But this is farewell
We've fallen in love.

What could I say?
"Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
You've saved my life
Goodbye
Goodbye
I'll see you again sometime
perhaps
Somewhere down the road."

Dissolving all our thoughts  
Becoming one with the night's darkness.

There was grandma
waiting
Sending me
All the way back.

Like a fish out of water
I'm gasping for breath
My heart is a shaking
Like there's a 300 pound ***** dancing on my chest
My hands are a dripping rivers of sweat
My legs are all whobbley
Like walking on drift wood
My stomach is a churning & turning
Like Mr. Toad's wild ride
My thoughts are of failure
And death.

I'd better pull on over
This car isn't driving itself
My hand lets go of the steering wheel my hand's on the door ****
My head is still pounding
rivets of red
I'm heading back to bed
I guess I'm not going out today
again.

When you live with the critic
It makes life more difficult
The roommate from hell
Who never applied for the space
Just moved on in
And won't shut the **** up

Looking over your shoulder
Pointing out
Everything your doing that's
Stupid and wrong
Turning the mirror into a
Toxic reflection pool
Telling scary stories
About who you've never been
&
Should have been

Insomnia & anxiety wrapped up
in a gigantic cringe,
a gift, no doubt.


The battle is a finger puzzle
The more you struggle
The more painfully stuck
You become

Continually looping
While trying to make it stop.

And it never does.

I don't listen to the critic much
any more
It comes and goes
And that's okay
With me
In the end
Peaceful acceptance is all I
Try to remember.

There is going to be many moments of love, affection, acts of kindness, charity, recognizing within the hard suffering of others, the melancholy of human vulnerability. Cherishing our brief lives, and the lives of others.

There is going to be startling brutality and violence, the destruction cast by Vesuvis over and over again. Man's version of Natural Disasters. Ways to make human'suffer because their presence is a dangerous annoyance when we are filled with rage full homicidal psychotic delusions of righteousness. Or the strangers are meaningless pawns in the game.

The two currents of human history running to the mouth of the great vacuum sea.