smoking his "peace pipe",
Pontificating about
this and that,
he doesn't know a *******
thing,
but he has an opinion about
everything,
always certain
seldom right,
you'd be glad
you're not
his kid or his wife.

The old guy with the peace
pipe,
don't ask him anything,
he'll tell you about
everything.

You're ****** if you do,
you're ****** if you don't,
better go elsewhere
while the getting is good.

There are details you
don't want to even know,
you don't gotta love 'em,
they don't love you.

But when you're looking
in his eyes while he's
smoking his pipe,
you just know
in your heart
it's going to
be alright.

Do you mean what
you say
Do you say what
you mean?
Is this some kind of dream?

You brought me in here
you held me so close
you whispered my name
in that breathy kind of way
which I know
will sing
through
to
the last refrain.

Your eyes they softened
your touch it awakened
I surrendered to you
I held on too long.

I know now
with your leaving
soon
I'll go back to the room
from where I came
I'll be crying your name.

Do you mean what you say
do you say what you mean
Do you really always see me that way?

I thought there was
something so new
something about you
that burned
each night
through and through.

Now our eyes look beyond,
the golden ribbon is cut
lays tattered
in the changing winds
while you walked one way
I walked another
thinking about your spoken words
which said what they meant
and meant what they said.

Now what is left to say
will stay
unspoken.

Goodnight Moe
It was good to know you,
found you in the rickety Virginia City
wooden shelter
alone, staring sadly out at the world
so small,
I guess you could call it a rescue.

Once the puppy stacking wild mustang poops on the front deck
Running wild with the coyotes
You always were a scrapper
When eye contact made,
Your half hour battle with Bingo on a frozen Nevada night
Slipping  on the snow and ice.

The night you walked by my side
When the blizzard came
Keeping me from falling down that hill
when I was sliding, how'd you know?
Goodbye Moe
It was good to know you.

Waking us up with the first light of dawn
Sticking your nose
Into my tears
Licking away my sorrows
Curled at our feet on a cold winter night
Chasing  the cougar
Up the Tamarack tree
When the wild purple onions were blooming
You always had that faster second speed.
Now your legs can hardly hold you
And when the puppy came
You were big daddy
Patient and teaching a young one how to be
As you taught me
Goodbye Moe it was good to know you.

Well, now that puppy is probably
Going to outlive me, outlive you,
And now that the volume of your hearing has been turned down
The thunder and July 4th no longer send you panting
You were always to big to be a lap dog.
Now silence is all you know

Far away from those Virginia City
Mountain days
Everything changes
Everything passes
Time spins around
Our days and our nights.

Now hobbling along Dry Lagoon
Where the big waves curl
You stand bewildered and confused
But when you see me you know which direction to go.

The night is coming
We know that
Better head on home

Goodnight Moe it was good to know you.

Perpetual generations
Perpetual retaliation

The walking wounded
Wounded walk

Inflicting wounds
Through words
And
Sparks

Break the cycle
When
You
Can

Healing glimpses
Nature's land
Sorrow filled
&
Sorrowful

Forgiveness
Not forgetting
A comforting
Daily blanket
For the
Wounded soul
Whose
Commitment
Is
To
No more
Wounds to go.

Maybe baby
You'll come on home with me
maybe baby
our love will find its way

Love will take you
by its hand,
you'll fall full throttle
under its command
love will make you see
open up your heart to me

Maybe baby
you'll come out and play with me
maybe baby
our love will have its day

Love it rises
love it falls
a roller coaster ride
for the
heart
the mind
the body
all

Maybe baby
our love will set us free
maybe baby
we'll take a chance and see

Love it sings
love it dances
love romances
It puts you in
blazing
ecstatic trances

Maybe baby
we can find our way
maybe baby
today is our day
maybe baby
you'll come on home
with me.

Walking along the river road
Was my friend and I
Along side in clear reflection
The Mad River gently floated by
While my friend and I
Spoke about loves
which had come and gone by.

When to my horror I did see
A child
a floating by
I dropped my back pack
And in to the river I did fly
Reaching down to grab that child
To safety, on this day, he would not drown as long as I'm around
I pulled him up and gently
I laid him on the ground.

Before we had a moment
Before a word could we say,
I saw another child
a bobbing, rushing, down fast this way
I jumped back into those frozen waters
I held her to my breast,
A sputtering
A muttering
I laid her on the grass,
There was no time to take a breath
Before another child down the river
floated my way.

I repeated my actions over and over
Went down to that river each time
Until as many children as I could gather
And lay them along side the river's
shallow shore.

Exhausted, now I stood
My friend sat on the green green grass
a crying to that noon time sun
We looked at each other in desperation's
silent hum.

One more
Two more
Three more
Four

A floating and a struggling they did come.

I didn't know what else to do

But I started running up the road
I knew the headwaters were
Up the road
Just a mile or so
or
so I thought.

In the distance I heard my friend
Calling my name in despair
Thinking that alone, I had left him there
To fight this futile battle.

To the headwaters I needed to go
To find out and stop this parade
Stop who was ever
Throwing these poor children
To the hell of the Mad River's
Watery grave.

The headwaters are just around this last bend
My friend's voice still echoes
The children's cries are sounds
Sounds I will always hear.

When I get there
I will tell you what it is
I found
I found awaiting there
Throwing all of these children down
for in this life to drown.

From the snow caps a melting,
The desert's valley floor
Through the farms
Past the city streets
To the ocean's mouth, it's final release
The Mad River flows
Taking our children as it goes.

What to do with
all of these requests
Some are blue
Some are red
Some are black
Some are white
Most are
black & white.
What's a person to do
When they are all
Coming at you?
Split yourself in two?

Take care of him
Take care of her
Run this way and that
Sleep at night
Wake at dawn
All the rest is
Take care of this and that.

We try so hard to be so good
What did you say
1/2 stomach
1/2 guilt
But bruised and battered
Is what you get

Your power shattered
And
Pushed out to others
Watching every word
Shaking and quivering
With every response
Did I at least get it right
This time?

When whispering low
So
No one can hear you
The people pleasers lament...

Alone
Couple
Family
Tribe
Clan
Village
City
City State
Nation
Continental Economic Blocs

Gaia
the blue marble
spins along,
alone
in
The great vacuum
sea.

You keep saying
You are coming home
I wonder when you are
Will it take the
Raging wind and
Snow for you to
Roll on.

You keep calling every
Hour to say you are
On your way right now
Dinner has been made
Getting colder by the
Hour.

What started off as love
Dissolving into sour
You are calling every
Hour saying you will
Be home right now.

You say you are coming
Home
I wonder when you
Are
Will it take some
Form of desperation for
You to roll on.

The wind outside is
A vaccum blowing
****** air from high
To low
Don't I know.

You call every
Hour to say you
You are on your way.

Olive is barking
At the wind
I am a child throwing
Sand at the ocean.

I am as helpless
As that wind outside
Blowing.
You say you are
Coming home
I wonder
When you are...

The
faces of flowers
speak
to me
through perfect
mandalas.

The burden of all
these lives
is bringing me down to
size
buried in the
sorrows of others
I must confide, my dear
My dreams are
filled with
dread of another day
But my work is never
done - the walking wounded
an endless line,
a samba line
dancing to a thousand
individual tunes
all of which
wind up echoing
in my mind as I listen
for those common themes
search for any magic words
I can bring back to
you, my dear
as you sit in that
four white walled
room
Speaking to a
random sound
and I with all
those questions
all that experience
all those answers
helpless in
my divide
the professional
the personal
both in total heartbreak, my dear
both only left with that
long lost loving sigh.

Don't look at her
She knows you
Sitting in the back of the casino
Where only the **** addicts hide
Like some AOD group
The facilitators crack wise
While the ****** addict with the
Coffee cup in her hand closes her eyes
Never spilling a drop.
Everyone is always "tired".

Vice has an anthem singing until dawn
The private places people go
One more round of chips and dip
Naked bodies on the phone
Chug chug chug
Fasting until spaghetti size
Hoarders howling as the garbage man rolls down the block

Human minds oh so twisted
Try to straighten it all out
The promise of abundance
Pockets full
Ending up in the suicidal parking lot walk when it all becomes too real

Vice is nice, asks you to come right on in, never says no as long as you have the dough re me.

Don't look now
It's looking at you
Knows you far too well.

lord have mercy
on my free and easy ways

I'm going to go with the flow
where ever it takes me,
When I find the music inside
I'm gonna dance

lord have mercy
on my free and easy ways

You know my words
they sometimes sting
I never mean to do you any harm
when the music moves me
I'm going to sing

lord have mercy
on my free and easy ways

I know sometimes
I'm gonna get used
I'm going to make you happy
if I can
I get down on my knees
lord have mercy
on my free and easy ways

Sometimes a boy
he's gotta
be free
people are going to be
what they gotta be
I'm a lover
not a fighter

lord have mercy
on my free and easy ways.

drove
many routes
to find the gold.

Singing on street corners,
rhyming for dimes
and quarters,
Searching sensations
to find the map,
only left him further
from his goal.

Showered shaved
shot up hope
in a golden syringe,
filled his tank
and headed out
towards those
blue mesa hills.

He, of course, could
not find the route,
confusion
became
his only best friend.

He
spins and spins
whirling dervish
disoriented,
there was no gold in dizziness
when he spotted it
he
spun
right past it
gone in a direction unknown.

The driver drives
many routes tonight,
spots many islands of neon,
he finds silver in her arms,
copper in the dice,
brass in the door handles,
diamonds in the rough,
he finds dirt for his grave.

There was no other gold
along the way
there was only the gold
of living
and that
had already been delivered.

There is always reluctance
an airy breeze
in the hot room
stinging
whispering
"no no no".

It comes with change
it comes with
beginnings and endings
reluctance comes no matter what
in frozen dread
in anticipation read,
how far is it
from here to there
and to where
and to whom
do we go?

Reluctance in fear
seems to know
what you are most afraid of
but no matter so,
put on your dancing shoes
pull out
your roller skates
too.

Time's a storm
that's blowing through
though your sails
maybe tattered
it doesn't matter
it's moving you.

Reluctance
certainly has its say
in an impotent kind of way.
Choices made
not made
While we all grow a little bit older
grow a little bit wiser
each and every day,
Reluctance
is
going to grab you
make you see its way.

The
continuity
of
all radiance and vibration
carves
out a space in me
for me
to
understand the secrets
of serenity.

Identify the divine
in
all our
living creations
our utterances
our fascinations
our foundations
letting go
of
all our self defeating
attachments
but those
that
are
our true blessings
and
not
false meanderings.

I
find myself
on
the roads
to
the realms
of
meaning
where
the sweetness
of
love
drips
drop by drop
and
eyes are illuminated
and
begin to see
call it god
call it rocks
call it soil
call it life
doesn't matter much to me.

We
are
orchids
blooming
adrift
in
the black vacuum sea
reminds me
in each
moment
to
consciously
be.

I'm recycling these nails
the cross is going too,
broken down
into
the wood from which it came.

I'm recycling you.
Nice try.

I was sure
you were exactly
my kind of guy.

No
you didn't have a car
Disability pending
that weekly motel was threatening
the rent was due a month ago
I know the manger is your best friend
and yes
I'm out of money
out of cigarettes
and I guess
you're out of time
not even time for one more line.

I thought
if I could only love you right
then
everything would be all right
hope is the hook
because
I love you
it must mean
you must really be good
until now
everything I thought
I thought was true.

Some kind of consciousness
came to me
I understood something
I had never seen
all of that
past trauma
this is what it means.

This is the last time
on my knees
the last time I take it
you know what I mean.

It's come down to this
when I die
it ain't
going to be
your life
I see
flashing before my eyes. . .

Novices
Our love
stands on stilts
twisting weaving
struggling
to maintain balance
a strong wind
could tip us
a pulsating bass
could trip us.

Eye to eye
but yet
so
high
wobbling.

Trying to find
our footing
if we lean to close
we are bound
to
stumble and fall.

But your breath so sweet
kerosene
beneath my wooden feet
ignites
the fire
too hot to handle.
Have you ever tried
taking off
your clothes
when
eight feet high?

**** the stilts
she cried
and in
mid air embrace
rotating in ****** embrace
the stilts were gone
my legs were gone
circling each other
round and round
We fell
Calling for that
one true sound.

In simultaneous
bliss
a holler
a harkens
Link's Zelda song
a lightening storm
we screamed
for the sound
of our
exquisite joy
and
far too fast
we crashed
to the ground.

The clouds magically,
they gathered into a question mark
in
the blue blue sky

Compassion or anger
which one was it going to be
Our choices were few
which one would we choose

Compassion or cruelty
that's all we could do
Holding on to myself
Holding on to you

My mind was racing
as the cloud unfolded

Love it comes with costs and benefits
Consciousness too

We'd better think this through
Let wisdom speak about what we're going to do

Compassion or apathy
walking the razor's edge
feeling so emotional
feeling so rational
a
whirling dervish
which door to walk through

Compassion or anger
doing my best
holding myself in check
at least until that cloud
unfurls and disintegrates

Mindfulness

Reaching for wisdom
knowing it will be
putting my heart
to rest.

I won't be passing through
this way again
I am just a wanderer
and a poet by trade
leaving my words which
decompose with the seasons
turning stars to ash along the way.

I won't be passing through
this way again
like the salmon
running upstream
on a dry river bed
My childhood came and went
adolescence and youth
too
lovers and moments of
being with you.
I'll never pass this way again.

My children touched my hand
we hugged with
I love you's
I tried to make amends
But we will never pass
this way again.

Like a drunk
coming to
like those last goodbyes with you
like all those words
I've delivered
in attempts to heal the pain
mostly in vain.
I won't be passing through this way again.

I retreat into my dreams
they've never been so vivid
all these wishes
striving goals
sadness laughter too
I won't be passing through
this way again.

The landscape takes on colorful hues
the perfume night
fills with
night blooming Jasmine
and you.
The sand beneath my bare feet
the birds sing
one last look
as your fingertips
slip from mine
and the bus
the plane
the ship
the car
The end of the song
the end of the set
the end of the day
and I am on my way again
but
I've forgotten to say
how much I have loved you

And I won't be passing through
this
way again.

I've been a wanderer
and a poet by trade. ..

far too long
should of left
hours ago
don't know what
I'm looking for
don't know what
I'm waiting for.

Friends sit
talking, all well
known to each other,
I don't know
a single soul.

I was invited
by a friend of a friend
I met on the trail.

The party has come
and gone
but I'm still
hanging on,
standing here
playing
this is the church
this is the steeple
with my fingers,
open the doors
and
there are all
the
people.

Stuck on pause.

The music is done,
everyone
said "goodbyes"
people headed to bed.

It's dark,
the celebration is done
the wedding had come
and gone.
The band's playlist
lays in the dew on the grass
the ***** was put away
the last bowl had been smoked.

In the distance
I can hear the
scents and sounds
of other music,
the occasional laugh
over the freeway
sounds, acoustics through
the canyons
on a
Southern California
night.

I've stayed here
far too long.
Home is where I need
to go
a direction
I
do not know.

It is 12 noon and I have swagger
Everywhere I look is my domain
I can pick and choose
I can create a scene
I can walk right in.
My universe, so they say,
is under my control.
People even know my name,
Love has come my way.
It's 12 noon and I have swagger that even I must refrain.

By 3 o'clock my life is slipping
The moon eclipses the sun
The sun eclipses the moon
I see the hints of darkness
that was not there at noon.
I reach the ledge and hang swinging,
my finger tips barely grip.
I am sweating but I am holding on.


By 6:00 o'clock
I am on the Bay Bridge,
traffic jammed in
My electrical system fails
and I know if I stop I'm doomed.
I watch the brake lights snaking towards me
No control now for me.
Inevitable as Monday morning
My car stops and I will probably die on this road.
The darkest hour surrounds me now.
My eyes are blind
My hands are numb
My lover has left me
and
I am wondering what I have become.

Sitting now in this empty space
all furniture moved out,
only this rocking chair remains,
Everything I have been has died
and now through finding this meaning
I sigh.
I surrender and all longing vanishes
I drift right back into this moment
and for a moment my heart sings.

At 9:00 o'clock I see a light
I see a path,
I start to move.
Once frozen now thawing
my heart resumes.
The clock clicks out my time
in digital sequence and rhymes
I even feel a dance begin.

I move towards 12:00 o'clock
but this wheel has rolled down the road
and even though back at noon
I start again
but in a different spot
and singing a different tune.
There is humility in my walk.
Down the road I see three oclock.

Well
this is goodbye
my one true love,
The flowers on the sill
are a wilting.
It was just a
matter of time
once you knew
my frailties and charms,
You would have been a leaving.

The days were hot,
Now they've turned cold,
We could ask where did
the fireworks go,
Do we need to know?
Really does it matter?

Don't waste your poetry
on the likes of me,
I'll be leaving
after the sun goes down
when you are sleeping
peacefully.

Our one true love,
This poem will
become
one more forgotten
memory.

Do you want to go dance in the moonlight?

Where?

Dry Lagoon around the rocky bend
Just past the tide pools
Anenomies and Star Fish
Where the beach is
Where the agates, glassy yellow shine
in the horizon sun

Sounds good
When are you coming?

Around six thirty-five
There's a harvest moon rising
I have Del Shannon and the Drifters on the Spotify

My mom is in a mood
I don't know if she'll let me go
She's being way to profound
yelling at the t.v.

It's okay
Tell her you're gonna find some bliss
She won't know what to do with this

You're my sweetie
Come and get me
I've got a baggie for the agates
A "bonnet" for the sun
I don't know the Drifters
But come on around
and
Give me some

K.

Remember, save the last dance for me.

I'm a dead man walking
dead man talking
dead man running to his grave.
I would have stayed if I wasn't so afraid
adding and subtracting
all the mistakes I have made.

I never could have stayed
it never would have worked  out that way.
In the end was that last smile
and saying,
"I'll see you down the road after a while."

I'm a dead man walking
a dead man talking
a dead man running towards my grave.

My crimes
they have been small
mostly involving
self harm
The self-inflicted wounds
are stings that last the longest time.

I'm a dead man walking
a dead man laughing
a dead man running towards my grave.

I have always tried my best
to be as loving as I can
little acts of kindness
now and then
Even have submerged myself
in others
talking their pain

I'm a dead man walking
a dead man falling
a dead man running to my grave.

Many small crimes
many petty misdeameanors
never meant to hurt you
only wanted to touch you
but all these judgments
all this self-incrimination
can't be undone

Too many
justifications, rationalizations,
too many words to say
too much water? the bridge has washed away
I don't think I could ever explain

Even for a dead man running
let's just say
"one touch on the hand
and
I'll be on my way."

Imagine yourself
a ball of wax
falling through
a cosmic crack
a ball of steel
both reflecting
and holding all that's real
part of a parade into a cave
chanting about monks
who in their trunks carried enlightenment
too light for longing
too heavy for moving
and there you stayed
what
would you really want to say?
And would it matter anyway?

Imagine yourself
a ball of wax
falling through a cosmic crack
a tiny Katamari
calculating
as you rolled along
picking sticking
lawn chairs, Chevrolets
dancing flames
poets in their heyday
accumulating
distant ideas
lover's lips
and strangers kiss
all kinds of suffering could stick.
Could you find your way home
or is this all you've ever known?

***** of wax could be real,
manufactured ideals,
splendid ribbons of illusions
unwinding and weeping
teaching taking talking twisting
through those cosmic cracks splintering
Relax
This is a a relaxation exercise after all.
Imagine your self a ball of wax
falling through a cosmic crack. ..

Had hit five hundred pounds
my wife and I
living in our tiny bunker of concrete
waiting for the food truck to deliver to our door.

The outside world had a startling hum
of trillions of insects which were
******* up all the air
we knew it was just a matter of time.
Darkness often descended
and all we knew was our hot breath
breathing on each other
in the tight small space
breathing each other's moist air.

The bunker was heating up
hotter and hotter
which meant the fans
were clogging up
with the bodies
of the insects
and
in my horror it meant
I would have to go
outside
to clear the vent.
Outside Outside
I had not been
For I can't remember when.

The encased cave to the ladder
the walls closing in
while insects smacked their bodies
against the sides
trying to get inside.
I crawled with suffocating breath
Mice rats bats
Sewage dripping
as the walls tightened
around me.

Finally a tiny light lead the way from the cave
to the ladder
which would take me up
to the top
where the vent was clogged.

I climbed that ladder up up up
choking and gagging and spitting out wings
Spiders crawling
On my skin
And my nostrils in
looking down
falling down in my mind
with each and every step
and having to stick my hand
inside
the squished and smashed remains
to find
the screen which  kept them out
and us inside.

I wasn't sure how I would survive.
Finally my task was achieved
and down the rickety shaking ladder
I went back through the cave
to our tiny shelter
and as I went inside
my wife
in her excitment knocked us over.

We lay rocking on our backs
like two turtles
unable to get up.

And there we lay
total helplessness
in our last days.

When I see God I'm going to ask 'em*
How many chords of wood have I stacked
how many lovers never came back
how many faux pas
how many miscues
how many meanings didn't I do.

When I see God I'm going to ask 'em
What's the most disgusting thing I ever ate
and
who.

When I see God I'm going to ask 'em
Why the birds are always laughing
In 60 million years is that what we are going to do
and what do the redwoods
think about
is that what five thousand years of life
will do
and where did the joy go
ten minutes ago ?

If I see God I'm going to ask 'em
for the perfect poem
the perfect mirror
the perfect thought
the perfect silence
I'm going to ask 'em
to sing one more time
the cosmic hum.

If I see God I'm going to ask 'em
to kiss the ocean
embrace the desert
kiss the mountains
bless the rivers
love the people
I'll tell 'em to love them
as we're supposed to.

And if I see God I'm going to ask 'em
what's the meaning
what's the purpose
what's the solution
and
of course
What the ****?

Writing Poetry
for me
is
Entering
a
dream
fully conscious.

It's enough to
make a grown man
cry

PVC's
Modern Man
running through
my
blood stream

I look up
I look down
when ever I look out
it's all around

PVC's
Modern Man
running through my
blood stream

In looking for our
salvation
in the consumer ****
a darkness always
descends

Consternation
Frustration
Anticipation
Adrenal Exhaustion

Enough to make
a
grown man
cry

PVC's
Modern Man
running
through
my blood stream

Fukashyma
radioactive poisons
going to make
PVC's
look like old friends.

Modern Man
running around our blood stream
once
again.

The fever came on
me late last
night
no it wasn't Ebola
it was you tonight.
Obsession of the mind
a sickness rolled
in
had nothing to do with you again
but something from
within.

There's an aching
longing that will
make you sweat
you'll build up
an embarrassment debt
if you let that
fever take your
mind.
You'd better hold
on to what
soothes you inside
otherwise your going
for a ride
boiling inside.

Take a cold shower
get some ice
distract your mind.
I just don't think
you have the
time.
This fever is burning you up inside.

Just don't ever let her know,
she can't fix it
anyhow.
The fever will pass
the quiet will
come on back.

You did nothing
that
can't be undone.

In the dimming light
those shadows start to fall
disintegrating as the sun sets
The scene begins to shift.

There's a guy in a trench coat
he has no pants
There's a woman in a wolf mask
she recently went into a trance
she started writing poetry
she started thinking she could dance
putting on the mask
put her into that trance.

Her husband's in the back
watching ***** movies
thinking he must be the one
but she knows he
doesn't have a chance.
It's why she wears the mask
she'll wake up too late from her trance.

There is a singer on the stage
naked as before
battling that stage fright
he's seeing you in your drawers
every time he starts to sing
a coyote is running around the room
he's always laughing at you
every time you think you're doing fine.

The librarian dressed in scarlet
has a **** story to tell
and you are the star
on
the walk of fame
everybody you say knows your name
while in neon on the avenue
their all laughing
and claiming your shame.

There's a smirking sycophant
begging for a war
no humility
usually means
a shadowed soul
and a tiny ***** to go along.

If you wake up screaming
from a dream
a shadow figure is hidden in your brain
their all screaming your name
go ahead and scream
you'd better
while the old crone
laughs and laughs and laughs.

Better zip it up
put it away
Halloween only comes but once a year
it's then shadows are free to appear
better put away the gear
take off those flowered knickers
all those shadows
they hold all your fears
one of these days
will they commandeer your soul
who knows?
Well you know.

There's no escape
turn on the lights
open the door
open the window
close your eyes
the dawn has come
all shadows will disappear
put on your pants
Walk out the door
pause for a moment
look around
it's all as it was before
that's a big sigh of relief
I've heard it before
I know that sound
it's the sound before
those shadows started to fall. . .

The children have lived
lives
I never knew

One went to war
One went to deprivation
Both knew true suffering

I stand beyond
time and distance's separation
offering meager alms

Some of us are salmon
struggling up stream
Others are hawks
flying free in the jet stream

I don't know about you
but transitions
have never come easily
for me

Intervention or natural consequences
The rolling dice play out

In the end
the outcomes will come
long after I'm done and gone.

When
I was five years old
my grandfather
took me to
a pond
probably in New Jersey
but who really knows where
lost back there.
The sun was setting
the light was golden
with god rays
floating through the trees and clouds
reflected
in the water.
The fish were surfacing rising
jumping here and there.
Innocence peace perfection.

I was in awe of life
and
to young to know
what this moment would become.

The beacon
the lighthouse
on the edge
calling me
showing me
the way home.

As exaggeration
has set in
with aging and pain
the moment became
the symbol
in my dreams
trying to make it back
to that
New Jersey pond
and
depending on
the state of my life and mind
in my dreams
I
would see it over there
sometimes
hanging in the air
in distorted images
of
cold wicked docks
sitting on
dry desert lands.

No water
no grandfather
no peace
alone
in exposed
and vulnerable landscapes
and
sometimes the water
was just over there
But
I was lost
in rooms which had no doors
and eyes that had no windows.

Standing on an island
surrounded by water
but
no setting sun
no rising fish
no grandfather to hold me up
on that island
spinning.

The beacon calls
I have always been moving
towards
that
perfect moment
with the sun setting
the fish rising
my grandfather holding my hand
a piece of peace
forever the end of my path.

Time & Distance
Erodes
Friendships
Families
Flowers
Sad
we know.

My imaginary friend
Thought I was his imaginary friend,
I wasn't sure how real I am
So for a while I got lost
a ghost.

We shared stories of kicking life's rocks
And life's rocks being thrown at us.

If I am his imaginary friend
My life must be imaginary
Imagined by him.

There is exquisite beauty
out
in the gardens of delight.

I went to the top of the hill
Asked the dancer
All she knew about love
She told me everything
I was too ******
Don't remember a thing

I asked the traveling waif,
She'd been married six times
She said,
"I'm the canary in the mine
I always believed
I always died"

The blind man told me
He didn't see a thing

The deaf man kept waving his fingers at me

The mute said nothing
I couldn't believe what I heard

I put on my hiking boots
I headed on down the road
Instead of a lamp
I had my heart on my sleeve

I talked to the cops
talked to the ******
I talked to the poets
I talked to the perpetually scared
Talked to those who took the dare

I looked everywhere

The message was clear
Acceptance
Taking care
That's all I ever really learned
I think that's something
I already knew

But then again
I haven't asked you.

A tiny spider in a tidal pool
struggles to survive.

All around us
all the time
every nanosecond
every millimeter
every tick of the atomic clock
nervous systems
electric
signals for survival

You know the ones
we call it
fear and panic
life and death struggles
all around us
all the time
one goes on
one stays behind
to decompose
and
scatter.

Cells
Stars
Multiverses
universes of branes
colliding,
beginning a new round
of
winners and losers.

Matter snaps in
snaps out,
no one knows
where
they come from
where
they go.

Infinitely
smaller and smaller
Infinitely
larger and larger
on
every level
all around us
all the time
the
struggle to survive.

Like falling in love
for the first time
all over again.

My heart awakens
with our morning
kiss
My heart opens
with the meeting
of our eyes.

When wrapped
up in your arms
finally home again
and deep inside
an all encompassing sigh.

Our love returns
strong
with the freight train winds
blowing through the pines
ageless as the redwoods
across the expanse
of time
with the intensity
of
the ocean waves
we hear crashing from our bed.

Our love ongoing
our love renewed
our love
my life's blessing
through and through.

Our love a force of nature
a cycle of
sun and moon.
An opening flower
on a spring noon
night blooming Jasmine too.

Each time
we touch
tip to tip
it's like falling in love
for the first time
all over again.

It is hard to do anything
when life is so raw
Walking down darkened hallways
trying every door

The corridor stretching
out to oblivion

Grief stricken
tears falling

Stumbling,
like a drunk down
in Old Town

Brought down to
one's knees
praying to
Jesus
Buddha
Zeus

Struggling to put on
an asbestos suit,
flailing in deep space

When life is raw,
hard to refrain
from
adding salt to the wounds

Peaceful sleep finally,
hard not to burn
when life is so raw

Close your eyes
quiet your thoughts

I'll be watching over you
at least for a while.