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Sjr1000 Jan 2020
Like a fish out of water
I'm gasping for breath
My heart is a shaking
Like there's a 300 pound ***** dancing on my chest
My hands are a dripping rivers of sweat
My legs are all whobbley
Like walking on drift wood
My stomach is a churning & turning
Like Mr. Toad's wild ride
My thoughts are of failure
And death.

I'd better pull on over
This car isn't driving itself
My hand lets go of the steering wheel my hand's on the door ****
My head is still pounding
rivets of red
I'm heading back to bed
I guess I'm not going out today
again.
Sjr1000 Jan 2020
Why oh why does the song sing
Why oh why does the sun rise
Why oh why am I?

Why oh why am I alive
Why oh why does my ear ache
Why oh why do I feel so sad
Why oh why?

Why oh why Mommy
Why oh why Daddy
Why oh why my brother
Why oh why my sister
Could you love me so well
And hurt me so bad
Why oh why?

Why oh why is the sky so blue
Why oh why do I love you
Why oh why do you love me too?

Why oh why am I getting too old
Why oh why am I still so young
Why oh why is there time?

Why oh why is there slaughter
On an microscopic planet in the milky way among billions of galaxies
Why oh why?

Why oh why is the darkness
The perfect screen for the imagination?

Why oh why does the poet know
And I don't know nothing at all.

Why oh why, you probably have your own
The timer is ticking down
Why oh why, time to go.
Sjr1000 Dec 2019
The stars are out
The storm has moved on
It was just like the darkest hour
When it all feels so out of control
But now the storm is over
And
Time to relax.

Until the next low
Blows on through.
  Dec 2019 Sjr1000
The Masked Sleepyz
It snowed in Phoenix,
The winds smelled like a nostalgic candle,
In the middle of a crowd,
Dogs barked fearing the sky was falling,
And old timers were either smiling,
Or judging onlookers,
Because it reminded them of where then ran,
Chimneys rose with fireplace's pride,
They knew this day would come,
Cars scratched down freeways of people,
Lost,
Because they forgot where they were,
They themselves knew that they didn't know where they were going anyhow,
The dead rose, or turned over,
Depending,
On what Christmas song was playing,
The poets and the painters alike broke tools,
Because nature beat them too it-
Again,
It snowed in Phoenix today,
And the world decided to burn,
Time to put up those Christmas Lights.
Sjr1000 Dec 2019
You say
There are no answers
You bray
Time you catch when you may
You'll end up on your knees
There is nothing else to do
But pray.

I don't want to get home
Too late
There are many obstacles in the way
Romances and dances
Which lead us astray.

Hungry states of mind
Interrupting
Stillness
Calmness
Peace.
Sjr1000 Nov 2019
She passed out
between the Game Makers
At
The Rancheria's casino
I was playing Bonus Deuces Wild
She was playing a penny a line

Hitting five of a kind on the first play in the continuum
She acknowledged my luck
Then lay her head down between the machines
as if looking for something
She could not find

Time passed
Banging along
Credits up and credits down
I asked her if she needed help
She was comatose
Remembered it far later
Her bottom gum was pink,
Where her teeth
Should have been

We laid her down
I held her head
I forgot 17 years of CPR training
I remembered it later

Her breath would stop
Then sputter back to life
Life trying to find away

Help arrived after a while
Disorganized for a while
and ill prepared
for an establishment frequented with old people and another addict
They
worked hard at it
got the hang of it
brought her back to life several times

It didn't matter
Emily dressed in black leotards
Balancing a drink tray
told me about her a while later
She had been alone
grieving,
an anyuerism
She died.

My CPR
wouldn't have mattered

But before I left that afternoon
I told Security
I didn't mean to be crass or crude
Or
sacrilegious.

But could he please push the button
To get my ticket
I had money in that machine

He said to me
I guess we're all lucky today

I know what he means
heading out the doors
To the sun and the winds.
  Nov 2019 Sjr1000
The Masked Sleepyz
The lights in Beijing,
They are trying to imitate the stars,
Their falsehoods only ring true with the right song,
They only loose their deception in fake smiles,
And long standing words,
That have only little meaning left,
The waves in honolu,
Are trying to be the calming breath,
They only loose their depth,
When you cant believe your back at smitty's again,
When you see your last 5 spot,
And you know where it's going,
They can't calm you to sleep anymore,
The mountains in Denver are wanting to be Gods,
But they loose their glory in giant snow storms,
That make you feel like your fingers itch and numb,
Their Godhood is called into question when she won't wake up in bathroom stall,
And when you can't see the stars,
The heated wind in Phoenix,
Wants to be your warm blanket,
It just looses it's luster when you want to open your eyes to who you are,
When you can't breathe because of looks from far away people in far away minds,
And if you just need that cigarette to put the day behind you

The lights in Beijing shine true,
When the right song comes on,
And their glow is the hope that's left,

The waves in ol' Honolu breathe calm,
When you decide to go home,
And see your hopeful tomorrow,
Waves

The Mountains in Denver,
Are paying Godly attention,
When the sun comes a shining,
And remind you exactly where you are at,
The whisper,
It's exactly where you need to be

The hot windy days in Phoenix,
Show their comfort,
Dancing with dust and spinning with leaves,
The love of life always around,
And no matter where you are,
You just might be home.
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