Sjr1000

Nov 2018

The Masked Sleepyz

I put off writing this,
For then it becomes,
Real,
Like a scared kid with a,
Shadow in the room,
I chose to hide from it,
But pictures of pieces,
Still loom,
The surround sound sad songs,
Have all started rhyming the same,
And the soliloquies have all gone
Silent,
I'm just trying to be happy for you,
But even when thoughts drift away,
The feelings linger,
Crooked parkway signs,
And certain looks,
In young lovers eyes,
Sounds,
Bring it all back,
It is real,
And I'm just trying to be happy for you,
Memorial officials to weddings,
In dances of words,
No one,
But you,
Will understand,
Promises of undone cigarettes,
With entwined mountain town dreams,
And names like June,
Prayers in a house that reads,
"Isnt death always at a funeral"
We will move on from fantasy and foreplay,
Because It is real,
And,
I will be happy for you tomorrow,
Today,
I just need to be sad.

Sjr1000 Nov 2018

The Psychotherapist Blues

I've always been somewhat Autistic,
ADHD
too
More than a little manic
and
OCD
I've had the fever
Occupying me

I've heard the murderous rage
And it was me

I have had my periods of Schizophrenia
Paranoia
Psychic warfare
in the ether

He's looking at me
I keep looking at him
Wondering why he's looking at me

I've got that DID
Going into trances
The poet he writes these tomes,
Waking up in strange places

That PTSD
Get startled very easily

Anxiety and depression
Are you kidding?
What's a day without 'em?

The vice is nice
Abundance to depletion,
The parking lot walk
Polysubstance abuse
has had it's use

Fetishes phillias
Electric brain all light up
Run amok

Decades of misery
Decades of mastery
Had them all

A walking DSM
That would be me
Everything which is human inside you is inside me

Hanging out with
the human condition
my old friend and me

Trying one more time
to figure it all out,
one more time.

DSM: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of mental disorders

Sjr1000 Oct 2018

Tenderness

Sleep baby sleep
It's been a rough go
without release,
your road has been a thorny one
Feels like you've been cut and sliced
Diced and dangled over high cliffs
And that fear of heights, doesn't help.

The sheets here are a thousand thread
The comforter, grandma's quilt,
Sleep baby sleep
Rest your head.

Life has its ups and has its downs
Streaks and slumps
All in one day.

Put your head down on my chest,
I'll do the rest.

Sometimes the tears are going to slide
Right on down your cheek,
The intensity of our grief is equal to our capacity to love, my own cliche I know
But it's okay
Your day is done

Sleep baby sleep
Rest deep.

The line "the road you walk is a thorny one", the Gypsy said it to The Wolf Man, circa 1941

Sjr1000 Oct 2018

Moon Before Sleep

The goddess dressed in white
carrying the moon
walks up the stairs to my bedroom window
Plants it there

The room is alive with shadows
Echoes of the past

There's a pain
Where pleasure used to be
An exquisite ache no one can see
A lonely breeze that can't be touched
An endless night that can't be unlocked
The mind plays tricks with the shadows on the walls

Anxiety it comes and goes
that we all know,
But it continues to echo and grow

There's a frigid cold
Where warmth used to be.

The moon goddess winks at me,
"Go to sleep,
Goodnight,
Be free."

Sjr1000 Oct 2018

My Walking Rose

She's my walking rose
Walking down the road
Discussing right and wrong
Trying to figure out how to stay strong

She wants to grow,
She wants to know
How it's supposed to go,
She turns her color on
Turns a shade of pink yellow white black or red
Only the rose knows,
walking as she goes,
her time is brief
she thinks maybe that's a relief

Her road is long
When she's in the middle of it,
She knows though
It's all a dream as it passes on by.

My rose
She wilts in the dawn
Rises in the night,
I tell her I have one more road to go
My walking rose
She whispers, "I know."