i.

Here's to you, pretty girl.

It's been quite a while since I've seen you smile but every single time that you do, just know that it brightens my day in a way that you could never understand. And I know that the hand you've been dealt with has at times made you felt like the whole world was against you, but darling, that's not true.

If only you knew the way the rest of us saw you; if only you realized that your very existence is a true blessing to each and every person you come into contact with – that your crazy laugh and witty personality are in fact the centrality of my whole world.

It seems as though God has hurled a curve ball at you which is so unfair when everyone else has merely dodged their bullets. But you caught it straight in the heart and I know that its nearly torn you apart with the weight of the world on your shoulders, and it hurts to continue standing when the pain is branding scars into your skin. But pretty girl – please – do not let these demons win. You are more than this, and trust me when I say that if I could wave a magic wand and bond your heart back together then you know I'd do it time and time again.

Of course, life isn't like that though. But despite what that monster has told you before, if you can hold on just a little more then I promise that after you grow old you're gonna look back to this day and be grateful of the fact that you had the courage to say "if I can ignore this urge then maybe I'll be okay."

ii.

Here's to you, beautiful boy.

All you ever wanted was love from your mother but only received it from your two year old brother who has not yet perceived the truth about all the pain that will arise from a mom who doesn't care enough to leave her room and a dad who does nothing but lie.

And surprise surprise, your mouth speaks of wisdom but your eyes are blind to the beauty of yourself and the wealth hidden deep inside a poor man's mind because if there's one thing that I'll ever know, it's that the richest person in this whole **** world holds nothing to your heart of gold.

Unfold your wings and learn how to fly. Rise up from the floor where you were kicked to the ground without even making a sound because you think you deserve this. But I'm telling you right now that your nerves have been shot by the place you were brought up in. A home is not a home when daddy steals all your money just to pay off a loan and mommy's already thinking about where to put her tombstone.

Get out of this place that has caused so much hate; break free from this trap you're in and make your escape. Take my hand and I'll help you land safely on a ground that's free from the mound of shattered glass you've been trying to surpass your whole life. Leave the knife behind and push the bad thoughts from your mind because it's time to get away.

iii.

Here's to you, my two warriors. My carriers of on. My musketeers.

Rest your weary eyes, I say, forget your demise and keep your eyes on the prize: life. Just keep breathing, and even at the times when your heart won't stop bleeding and your lungs start heaving and you crumple to the floor – remember this:

No matter how deep that blade slices into your soft smooth skin, no matter how much you hate yourself and long for release, no matter how much that bottle of pills tempts you into thinking it's the only thing that will ease your tired body to sleep tonight, hold onto these five words and never let them go:

*I will love you more.

it was dark,
the things she wrote,
the thoughts she had,
the lies that marked her porcelain skin.
her voice screamed, "help!"
and yet the demon inside
ripped her voice away
piece by piece until only
death remained inside her mind.

her eyes couldn't see the lies
for the fog that was made of pure deception
clouded her mind and filled her lungs
with the lies swirling inside her.
the smoke became too much
and the demons would only let her see
the vein on her wrist and the
box of blades that were just
waiting...
and
waiting...
they were waiting for her to  b    re       a          
                                                     ­                        k
to be p    u  s  h      e            d      to far
to make her feel everything
and then nothing at all.

As she wrote desperately,
trying to find her inner peace,
she died, sacrificing herself to those demons inside
she found eternal silence,
one that not even the angels could hear.
My dear, didn't you know that you were an angel?
Why did you believe the voices that said you couldn't fly?
Why did you believe the god forsaken lies?
Why?

What if*
You fell in love
With a person you'd never met
No face-to-face
No conversation
But they seemed like a wonderful being

What if
You wrote secret letters
To this person you'd never met
Some were embarrassing
And others were funny
And you sealed each one with a kiss

What if
You hid them away
Never to be seen
Until you slipped in a more recent note

And what if
You opened them all
On your wedding day

I am the oxygen running
Through the veins of London,
I am weaving my way through
The crowds of people,
Commuters,
Tourists,
Family,
I feel the wind
Of the trains
Pulsating through the air,
Running its fingers through my hair
And over my body,
There metallic cries cascading through the tunnels,
Where will I go?
The Northern line to Tottenham Court Road?
The Central line to Liverpool Street station?
There is only one destination I yearn for,
Above the concrete,
The tiles and wires,
The pipelines and emptiness,
I want to be at home
With you again.

I thought I was over
The way you made me feel
I was done
Happy to be left alone
Not to feel the pain of loving another

I do remember that long ago night
filled with wonderful kisses from you

But I thought it was over
We were all said and done
I was no more to dream of you

And then came a message
Brief and abrupt
Just a small little snapchat from you

You are why I can't love
Not for now anyway
And I thought I was fine that way

But I still miss your voice
I wish you would call
Or atleast send a friendly hello

I'm happy this way
Not having to love

But I would have liked
To love you